Trauma Bond

Obsessive but abusive yet promising. This is my 2019 in some words.

I found I am obsessed with friendship. Is it because to escape from my failures?

I don't know. Later I found one of my friends is abusive. While he looks so charming and positive outside, when it comes to our conversations he always blames me that I am biased. I support powerful people only and I am selfish.

After going through so much self-checking I found his comments are not true.

Even after so many abuses He still makes me laugh sometimes. It was hard for me to ignore his actions or his silence.

After going through a lot of negativity in his circle I have realized it was like a trauma bond.

In which the victim likes small amounts of kindness from the abuser. Whenever he said I am so kind among his friends and understanding. I forget his abuses and a self-centered approach to situations.

I go to meet him again and again and left with more abusive memories.

This year I have decided to come out of it. I am trying to be happy without contact with such friends.

I am feeding my brain with discipline in spirituality and meditation.

So 2019 became a mixture of Obsessive, abusive, self-realized and promising for me.