Toxic Masculinity - Kay

Masculinity: noun; qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of men

What qualities define men? Who decides what all are those characteristics? What is it to be a man? What is it not to be a man? 

Men. As they define women as soft, shy, and sensitive, men are expected to be the exact opposite of these characteristics and they define it as masculinity. Men are expected to be strong, brave, and cold. When they can’t fulfill these expectations, they are being insulted by questioning their masculinity. These expectations, the humiliation of being insulted, and the fear of losing their belongingness to their own gender make them grow up as a toxic male. When men are asked not to behave like women, they start to look down on women as if they were cheap creatures. This makes them gradually lose their respect for women and makes them treat women badly. 

In the fear of not being accepted by their own gender, they tend to do things they don’t want to and ultimately become a person who they are not. In order to retain their gender identity, these men are actually losing their own selves. The demand to prove oneself as a man never stops and so does the struggle of men in fulfilling those demands.

A man crying publicly, dancing with grace, being recessive, blushing around his loved one, seeking help, and opening up about his problems is merely impossible. What is it to have a life without these? Men are not expected to be expressive. When a woman tells her husband that she’s pregnant for the first time, he gets excited, jumps in joy, and carries his wife, or whatever. But having a few drops of happy tears in his eyes shouldn’t be his expression, isn’t it? Men can’t express their feelings completely because they shouldn’t. He is not going to plead with his girl to stay, because he shouldn’t. He is not going to cry in a fight with his loved ones, because he shouldn’t. At times when he can’t hold within him for a long time and lets him do such things, he’s no more a “MAN” in the sight of this society.

When it comes to sex, women are praised if she is a virgin whereas men should have their own count and wear it as pride. If masculinity is defined as the ability to have sex, most men should be masculine enough. In an urge to retain his ‘Masculinity’ as defined by this society, he tries to prove himself to his loved one by being forceful and dominant which obviously will reflect in his sex life. These are the root cause of marital rape and sexual harassment. The ideology that has been dumped in men’s minds decades after decades to be dominant and rude is making them less of a human and more of an animal. Still, there are many men clueless about what is consent because they all have been thought to take whatever they wanted to and leave whatever they don’t want to. 

Poor parenting is also a cause of raising toxic males. They put those little kids in a box and make them live in it no matter what. They can’t let their boy dress up like a girl in a drama, they can’t let their boy cry when got hurt, they can’t let their boy like pink, wear jewels, grow hair, play with girls, dress up like a doll, cook, sew or anything that is idealized as girl’s hobbies. If they are asked to not do anything that a girl does, what does it mean? How does it get registered in those young minds? This kind of childhood sows the seeds of toxic traits and they grow along with their toxicity. They train their kids and give license to suppress women along with their feelings in the name of “Masculinity”

We’re not opposite genders. We are just different genders. Ultimately, we are all human. We have our own characteristics and emotions. Nothing nor no one should confine our characteristics or feelings. The term “Masculinity” when undefined, it makes the world a better place to live in. If not, it is just going to produce more and more toxic males and make the scenario even worse.