Three Entities

I am Sundar. I am now in the deathbed at my home, surrounded by my relatives, friends and foes even. I am undergoing a huge suffering. I cough often and when I do, blood oozes from my nostrils like a river during flash floods. I hardly open my eyes recognizing no one, understanding nothing except pain. I am physically there but I am not there, in that world. I am here, somewhere in the space, able to see what I am into. But I am able to see that I breathe. I don’t see my shape, my size below me. But I am there somewhere, where the breathing me is present in the bed with shape, size color, breathing.

I don’t have shape, size and color as myself lying on the bed. I can feel but not the pain. Let me try touching my wife to check whether I am true or not. Here I go to that lady whom I loved all my life, now weeping expecting my disappearance. But I have not gone anywhere. Let me touch her. What?! I am not able to touch her. Oh, you need hands to do that. Where are my hands? There are not any. Then how to touch her? I am able to see her but I am not able to touch her.

Here comes my son. My proud son. He is a big fellow. Earning well, bought big houses, married a woman from a big family. He is doing so well. He has always been very affectionate towards me. I am very proud of him you know. I think I can touch him. Probably because he came from me. Yes, right. I shall touch him. Here I go. I lift my hands to touch his forehead the way I used to when he was an infant. But what? I am not able to touch him. He simply doesn’t respond.

What am I? I bear the feeling of life and consciousness. But my suffering lies away from me. Why?

There is a sudden beam of light that stresses my vision. I see a figure coming towards me in an unusual fashion by floating or breezing in the air. If air is a carpet, a figure seemed like walking in the carpet stealthily forwarding towards me. I am startled such that it doesn’t near me, it is nearing myself in the bed. It looks heavy but it stealth in air. It doesn’t seem heavy by the way. It looks different. It looks like made up of light. Round, tidy, straight and bent, it is everything. Light is affecting me but it doesn’t affect my wife, my son, me in bed? How?

It is near me in bed. Its look at me from top to bottom. It observes the actions of my kith and kin. It is very silent. It is unique. And it slowly turned towards me, standing looking at myself in bed.

I am startled again. How can it recognize me? What is it? It continuously stares at me without any emotions. Its face cannot be associated to emotions by any means. Its face seemed pure, like the clay idol done by a talented sculptor.

I am confused. I get the courage to ask it what is it? Why it is here? What is it going to do to me in bed?

“Who are you”, I asked with gathering courage.

The answer is the same plain, solid look with no emotions.

“Why are you looking at me from top to bottom in bed? What do you want?”

“Who are you?”

It is its voice. I have never heard that sort of a voice anywhere in my life. The voice was divine. Voice had inherent echoes, the voice had deep tones that could make anybody shiver with some experience.

S: “You are asking me? I… I am Sundar. I don’t know why I am lying bed. Maybe I am struggling for life. But I don’t feel any pain.”

M: “Sundar in this life. A dog in last life. A hunter in another previous life. A woman in another life. You are a multiple person.”

S: “What? I am Sundar. You can ask anybody sitting there besides me. It is me, I have my face, my color, my hands everything. See.”

M: “Oh. Do you feel your hands? Where are they? Can you touch?”

S: “N…. No. I… I tried. I can’t.”

M: “Why?”

S: “I don’t know. Why do you ask me? You should tell me.”

M: “A wise entity, should understand. There should not be an explanation.”

S: “I can’t touch; I don’t know whether I speak. Only you understand. But I am conscious. At the same time, I am not conscious in bed. What’s happening to me? Please help me.”

M: “At least you understand this. You don’t have your sensory feelings but you are conscious. You are your conscious part.”

S: “Am I my consciousness? How am I able to be away from my body with consciousness?”

M: “You are only the consciousness. Nothing else. You don’t have body, pain, feeling. Just consciousness.”

S: “Am I my body’s consciousness?”

M: “Consciousness can’t be that of a body.”

S: “Then? Am I not the consciousness of Sundar?”

M: “You are not Sundar. You are not your body. You are your conscious reflection of an Atma.”

S: “Atma? What is that? Is it within me? Outside me? I can’t see it. Where is it?”

M: “It is everywhere. It is not yours. It is not anybody else’s. It is omnipresent.”

S: “Oh wait. Who are you then?”

M: “I am entity from the omnipresent, the paramatma.”

S: “Stop. First you said I am the consciousness and that is the reflection of my Atma. Now you say that you are from Paramatma. I don’t understand anything. But if I am right, you should be from the counsel of God. Please tell me that I am right. Please.”

M: “Not exactly. We are not from God. God is an entity. A structured feature and object created by you in earth. But that is omnipresent, that is eternal, we are that.”

S: “So…. Are you God?”

M: “Everyone is God.”

S: “Why are you confusing me? Why are you taking me for granted? I have every right to know. You should tell me.”

M: “Ha ha. Your body is lying expecting death. But your Atma’s consciousness is strong to ask questions. Well, you didn’t try to ask these when you are very much alive, right?”

S: “……. No. I didn’t.”

M: “It doesn’t matter now. If you have asked these questions when you were very much alive, you could have understood us very well.”

S: “How am I to understand now?”

M: “You have to wait to die along with your body.”

S: “What? Will I die? How are you saying that? I am still here speaking to you. I am lying there in the bed.”

M: “Were you able to touch your wife, your son?”

S: “…...No. I couldn’t.”

M: “You are on your death bed. Your body is lying there waiting for the final call to start decomposing. You are here, the consciousness that is waiting for the Atma to come out and join Paramatma so that you can be at peace.”

S: “I feel like crying. I have only time till my Atma comes out? I want my body back.”

M: “That is not in your hands. It is your karma. Your account will be closed soon. You rather be ready.”

S: “How am I going to face this? I am going to die. What will I do now? What will happen to my house, what will happen to my business, what will happen to wife, children? Will they be well without me? Will they forget me? Will they really miss me? Have I done anything good? Did I speak falsehood on someone? Did I spoil someone’s life? Will I reach heaven?”

M: “Answer all your previous questions to know the answer of your last question.”

S: “I am not able to think. Will I reach heaven?”

M: “It depends on your account closure, your karma. It is a process. Nothing knows and nobody decides on the output. The process decides.”

S: “So my travel henceforth is yet to be determined.”

M: “Your travel? There is still a concept of I in you.”

S: “I don’t know. I am not what I am. I am something else. Will I be able to see my body dying?”

M: “You got the sentence correct. You can see your body dying. You will die when your Atma emerges.”

S: “Okay. There is a clarity now.”

There is a great hoopla in the room. Everyone starts crying at a much higher tone and frequency. Everyone’s face goes sad. There is again a light out of the body that is of only light with an unusual shape resembling the other entity.

S: “Is this my Atma?”

M: “Yes. But it is not your Atma. It is an Atma. It is the Atma that was in a dog, in a woman, in a hunter and you. Depending on your karma, it can be anywhere henceforth.”

S: “I get so. I am just a temporary entity in the mask of a body experiencing bodily sufferings and happiness in the circle of life. But Atma is eternal and it is not me, rather this.”

M: “Wait. Don’t you get a fading feeling?”

S: “No. As I said I don’t feel anything. But I am still here.”

The light that came out of Sundar stays near the body and doesn’t move.

S: “Why is the Atma not moving? I have already died.”

M: “As it is said, only process decides the outcome. Wait.”

S: “There is a hue and cry, doctors are still trying to make my body fine. They are giving shocks. They are still having hope.”

M: “It is a process.”

S: “I am fading, I am fading. Something is happening, I think I have died. I have died. God! Help me!....................”

Wife of Sundar,” Sundar, are you fine? Please get up. Please.”

Sundar opens his eyes. “La…Lakshmi… Raju…….”

W: “Oh you are back. Thank God, you are back. Thank you so much. I will come to your deity and repay you for your miracle. Thank you, God.”

S: “Lakshmi…. I saw my consciousness.”

W: “What? What consciousness?”

S: “I don’t know. Where is that thing that stood near me?”

W: “Which thing? What are you talking?”

S: “I don’t know…. Wait. (coughing)… I don’t see your ring in the finger. What happened?”

W: “What about the ring? You are back that is enough. But I have to find that ring. Raju where I did I miss the ring?”