Then Again7 mins 21.1K 7 mins 21.1K
Do not judge my story by the chapter you walked in on.
We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. It is often said that you are not your mistakes; you are not your struggles. You have the power to shape your day and your future.
Look, the truth is that you are what your past has made you. You are what your mistakes have taught you. You are where your struggles have brought you.
Our dreams have an important role to play in our lives. They give us hope, optimism and self confidence. They motivate us to achieve whatever goals we have set. But dreams do not set goals- elapsed trials do. Our past determines our present- both present circumstances as well as our personality. Our past alters us and ascertains our choices as well as our ambitions.
‘A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.’
You might want to ask me why I have been awfully philosophical all this while. I could have simply said that our past plays an important role in our future.
Look, ‘I and me are always too deep in conversation.’
At the moment, we have just conferred that if you hold eleven different roses in front of a mirror, you will see the twelve most beautiful things in the world (cough. Yeah right.)
Basically, this philosophy explains the story of my life.
I am unable to recall the date. It was sometime in 2008 when I stood half immersed in a pool, leisurely propped up on a support wall which was often used by annoying guys as a stairway to climb up the pool and then dive in (how uncivilized!).
It was a peaceful morning with the sun shining brightly over head and its warm rays striking the surface of the water, making it glitter. I remember the green swim suit I had put on and the blue inflatable swimming round float ring around my waist which kept me floating on the surface of the water. My 3- year old brother played cheerfully in the kids pool, splashing water all over the walkway and squirting water using a hose. My grandfather stood by my head, training me to lash my hands and beat my legs scientifically over the water in order to stay afloat. It was blissful to relax and learn swimming in the peaceful, ripple less pool, under a stern trainer who could teach a rabbit to swim within a week.
But then, anything that costs you your peace is too expensive.
Yeah. So a few guys turned up in the pool and made stuff expensive because my peace was gone. About 4 to 5 boys stepped into the pool, as a gang to celebrate the pre- examination holidays (does that even make sense?). They occupied almost the entire pool and tried pulling up some stupid stunts like diving behind a plastic ball or playing lock and key under water, giving me almost no scope to continue my swimming practice. Being a weak, thin and extremely gentle person (I am talking about 2008, not now!), I decided to take dips in the water and be satisfied in the enormously small area that was left. The guys hung around the pool, getting in my way every once in a while for the sake of retrieving a ball or finding some invisible friend of theirs.
Being an extremely considerate person as I am (Lol!), I did not complain. But then you see, ‘Never test good people. They are like mercury. They will not break when hit. They’ll change form and burn you down some day or the other.’ I think stupid people were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.
Getting back to the story, I finally got annoyed after a while. That was because sometimes, our thoughts are backed by so much insecurity, that they create lies we believe. The guys hung around, laughing and giggling for no apparent reason. Every once in a while, they would look around, sometimes even look at me and resume giggling. My displeasure took over me. I feared that the people around were mocking as I had not learnt to swim without a tube despite being eight years old. The fact that kids of about my age swam around the pool merrily without a tube and the fear of being mocked at made me despise those people.
Look, I must accept that even up to date, I have no idea what the cackling had been about. It is possible that it was just the pleasure of ganging up and enjoying in the pool that made the guys smile and laugh. But it is also possible that my weakness of not being able to swim gave people a reason to gossip. Either way, quite often, we do not need a reason to despise people.
So on that day, I had decided that I would never show weakness again. The world is like a wolf- it would devour you and shred you to pieces if you ever show weakness. We have got to be brave and dauntless all the time. Your emotions must be contained only within you because sometimes, being silent is better than telling others how you feel. Knowing that you are being heard but not understood could be more painful than expressing your feelings. You never know when your expressions become the most powerful bludgeon against you. So, never let people in your lives know more than what is essentially required. Stay strong, be brave and always guard your emotions. And never ever let people control you. Never give people the opportunity to challenge you. In order to stay unconquered, we need to stay unchallenged.
You might wonder, wasn’t this experience too short for such a long lesson. Look, real generosity towards the future lies in giving all to the present and experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.
So, nope. It wasn’t short.
Maybe, we could look into one more event.
I was a tenth grader- sweet but stern. I was among those really few people around you who held their ground no matter what happened and never left their expressions unguarded. I loved to talk. The topic wouldn’t matter, the person wouldn’t matter- I just needed someone around me to hear and respond. It had been an year ago that my passion for debating had been aroused. I had been craving to get into my school debating society. When I had been in class 9, I hadn’t got a chance to get into the debating club as my teacher had chosen a few other people over me to be a part of the club. This year, I desperately wanted to get into the debating club as it was among the very few activities that I fantasized.
Well, my luck did not favor me again. Despite several tries and lot of slog, I hadn’t qualified for the club this year either. My annoyance and revulsion took over me. I decided that I had to hate my colleagues who had managed to become a part of the exciting debating events. I was resolute that those people who have betrayed me by taking away my chance do not deserve to be my friends or mentors. I became repulsive and cultivated a lot of abhorrence in me which slowly got washed away with time.
Looking back at those events, I find myself to have been really silly to have taken such a minor thing so seriously. The truth is that activities such as debating no longer interest me. I guess it had been just a brief passion that faded with time. Now what matters is that-
‘This is the time for small paychecks and big memories.’
However, all these events have taught me a lot. I have realized that it isn’t worthwhile to run behind petty interests that take you nowhere. We must make our choices wisely and give importance to what really matters to us in the long run. And most important of all, friends and memories are worth much more than short term activities. A few events that we have missed would not matter to us as much as sweet memories with amiable people will.
To conclude, we have a choice. We can shape our future, or let events shape it for us. And if we want to succeed, we must shape our dreams as our past has shaped our personality.