The Wounded Desire

She had an affair with a man from the village. She was already married to Raghav when this man lured her into running away with him. After she had given birth to two sons for Raghav, she ran away with her former lover. She stayed with him for one month. Her husband’s mind became dirty with doubt and thousands of questions. He wondered if she had really slept with her lover, if they shared the same bed every night, and what exactly had happened between them.Later, she left her lover and went to her mother’s house to meet her children. 

Had heard that her lover tortured her every moment. His love for her was fake; he only desired her body. He used her like a cruel animal, only to satisfy his own lust. She was always in bed to fulfill his desires. Tired of this torture, she ran away to her mother’s home and then returned to her husband, always wondering if he would accept her again, because she saw herself as a blemished and stained woman.When she lived in the village, she was a simple woman. She did not know how a mobile phone worked. Her neighbour lady used to come to her room to talk with her boyfriend on the phone, because that room was always silent and nobody would come there to disturb her. The neighbour gossiped freely with her boyfriend about topics that women usually could not talk about openly in public. Even after marriage, this woman liked such interesting, spicy conversations for time pass. In the village, no man had time to listen to a woman’s feelings. Her husband did not allow her to talk freely about anything.Days passed like sand slipping through fingers. The first time she talked on the mobile, it was only for entertainment. But slowly, day by day, she became addicted to that game of talking on the phone. She could not stop herself. She never thought about what might happen because of this behaviour, against society and against her husband.She had never met a man like this fellow, who spoke to her the way she wanted. Since childhood, she had always controlled her emotions and spoken only with male members of her family, never with any other man in an open, free way. She wanted love of a different kind, which her husband could not give her – the love of open talk. She was physically satisfied, but not mentally, not in the way she had imagined in her mind. Through the mobile, she tried to reduce her inner lust by talking in vulgar language, using abusive words and silly phrases that society refused to share face to face. On the phone, without seeing each other, they could say whatever they wanted. That is exactly what she wanted.Once she said that every man always keeps his eyes on a woman’s breasts, and every woman keeps her eyes on a man’s private parts. That is why, according to her, men are always looking up and women are always looking down. The meaning sounded unbelievable, but in her mind it seemed strangely reasonable and shocking.She had every good quality required to take care of her family and fulfill her duties. But she also developed a bad habit of talking on the mobile, and for that she was ready to do anything. If someone said “I love you” and thanked her with sweet words, she would feel attracted to him. If he demanded a large amount of money, she was ready to give it, on one condition: he had to keep talking to her every day. If he asked for money daily while talking, she would transfer it to his bank account. He only had to create an emotional drama. She believed that he really loved her. Whenever she had no money, she would mortgage her necklace or her mangalsutra to send him more.All this drama happened in the village with her lover, who constantly blackmailed her, promising that they would meet in Bombay. He said he had no money to travel and see her, and she became weak under his emotional blackmail. She sent him money from her savings, by secretly taking from her husband’s purse or by keeping aside some amount from the money for household goods. Whenever he received money, he stopped talking to her. Then one day he told her that he was going to be married soon, and he begged her never to call him again. She became jealous and restless. To solve this, she went to a miracle baba or sadhu who claimed to have a solution for every problem.The baba also demanded money. He said he would do black magic on her lover so that he would never marry anyone else or would return her money. For years she was cheated like this, without her husband’s knowledge. The baba gave her a small wrapped paper packet. He put it in her hand and told her not to show it to anyone. He instructed her to keep it secret, write the name of the person or result she wanted on a leaf from a tree, bury the leaf and the ashes packet under the tree in a small hole, cover it with mud, and return home without letting anyone notice her. He assured her that the miracle would work and that the lover would come back to her the next day on her call. He then gave her a sacred string and told her to tie it around the tulsi plant while chanting the name of the person she wanted to control.The next day, he called her, and they talked for a long time. She enjoyed it and believed that the remedy had worked exactly as the baba had promised. Inside, she felt happy that the black magic had succeeded. When he phoned again, he demanded more money. By then, he was already married and now wanted money for his honeymoon. She emptied her savings and whatever she could get from her husband’s earnings. Desperate to meet him, she again went to the miracle baba, who was famous in the local area for black magic. As rumours spread about his powers, he also continued to demand money. Both men made her completely penniless. She never thought of her husband and children during this madness; she was obsessed only with meeting her lover.She was desperate just to hear his voice on the mobile.When she requested him again to meet her, he cut the call and never called her back. The black magic did not work on him anymore, and she had no money left to send.One day she got a missed call from an unknown number. She called back, and the man on the other side started abusing her with vulgar words. Still, she could not stop. She only wanted to talk on the phone, and for that she could do anything.Another day, the mobile rang again. This time, it was her first lover calling once more. She thought he would again demand money. She could not bear it, so she cut the call.When her husband finally came to know everything, he lost control of his temper. He pushed her hard against the wall, picked up a nearby iron rod, and hit her on the head. She was badly injured. She screamed and cried loudly, but no neighbour came to help because the landlord did not have good relations with them. Her cries grew louder, her body swollen with pain, and at last one lady came to support her and stood against her husband. Her entire body ached with unbearable pain.The next day, the mobile rang again. This time, the call was received by her youngest child, Renu. The caller said, “Bhaiya hai kya… main Delhi se bol raha hoon, Raunak ji.” She quickly took the mobile from her child and sent the child out of the house.She recognised the voice and said, “Don’t play with my emotions. I am not a child. My husband has come to know everything. He beat me with a rod.” She cut the call and went to bed.The next morning, her husband was in deep sleep, muttering in his dreams, “Where is Savita, my darling? I miss you very much. I promise I will never torture you again. Please come beside me. I need you very much.”She understood his desire and his need. 

Sherealized his intentions were driven by lust when he fell on the blanket beside her. He placed his hand on her body and pulled the blanket over them both. She was sleeping by his side, and her bruises ached and throbbed when he pressed against her.  

Their son peeped through the small crack in the door, saw them, and quietly ran away to play cricket.