The Suicide Letter

The whole huge audience gave a standing ovation to the valiant soldier, Mr Anurag Bakshi, the man from the navy. Beyond the expectation of the audience, he crossed his finishing line for the gold medal in the Paralympic 100m race breaking the record of 9.58 seconds with his 9.2 seconds. It was just unbelievable for everyone present over there.

Anurag looked at the audience listening to their cheers and for a moment he couldn’t believe what was happening there at that moment, was really happening. He too felt as if it was just a dream. He wanted to be sure if everything was real or sheer imagination. This has been his dream since he was in his kindergarten. He used to talk about this dream with his parents but they always scolded him for it considering it as nonsense. For them there was no future in being an athlete.

They used to say him, "What will you do for a living? Do you really think that running here and there will bring security for your future? We won't be there to sponsor you all the time, who will pay for your daily expenses?"

Listening to these words every other day he learnt to be quiet and go with whatever his parents asked him for. Despite that sort of past, today he could see his parents cheering for him in the audience, it was unbelievable indeed. Moreover, there was one more difference in the thing that was really happening and the one that he has always dreamt of. He was on his artificial legs unlike his dream with his real legs.

As the winner and the record breaker of that race, Anurag gave interview to all the news reporters present there. Among the reporters there was the one who was personally connected to him. The one who had motivated him to come to that level, his sister, Alankrita. She was working for one of the topmost news channels. She shouted, “You nailed it my dear! I was sure about this. Come, let’s take a formal interview and let the whole world know that what kind of journey you have had to reach to this point.”

Anurag couldn’t control his emotions for any longer and he said, “For sure! I’m all ready for that. And you too are the shareholder of this credit. The world must know how many times I’ve failed and what really made me to do this for which everyone is applauding for me.”

They went into the room arranged for the interview. More than an interview it was a pre-planned program organized for Anurag by his reporter sister Alankrita. She was sure that her brother was going to make this. She wanted this program not just to showcase her brother but for all those people like him who lose their hopes just because of a few failures and stop trying to move ahead or to even work on that scared of another failure.

There they started with the interview.

Alankrita: So Anurag congratulations for your great achievement. You have made everyone proud. Rather than asking you how you feel at present, I would ask you how long have you been dreaming for this?

Anurag: How long? I can say it confidently, I have been dreaming for this moment since I could dream! Yes, I’ve always dreamt of being the fastest runner but when I lost my legs two years ago, I kind of forgot about this dream. And to be honest, I have never got myself succeeding in any of the things that I tried for. I just walked here and there without being aware of myself heading no where.

Alankrita: It really had been a very tough journey for you to come to this. Who else can know this better than me! Still I want you to share your journey as an athlete with the people around. I want you to narrate the story of your failures to make the people understand how much worth they have in our lives.

Anurag: Oh yes! I do wish to do the same. It will definitely change the mindset of those poor fellows who are scared of failures. Everyone should understand one thing that there is nothing magical than one’s own spirit. But before sharing my life experience I would read a suicide note that is in my hand at present.

“I cannot live in this world. This is it. This world is not the place for the people like me. I am going to end my life now. Why no one supports me? Why my parents are always against me? They have never understood what I really want. I know that they have struggled a lot in their life but does that mean that I just have to blindly follow them? They have never been there when I needed them the most. However I tried, I couldn't make them happy. They always compared me with the kids of their friends and other relatives proving that I'm not better than anyone of them. I can't stand anymore humiliation.

I don't blame my parents for any of my action but I can't run the hospital of my father. I can't! I wanted to be in sports but they never allowed me to go for even the state levels. Somehow with their pressure and efforts I could pass my medical college but I can't continue doing that I don't love to do.

And now I'm going to end my life.

Maa, papa and didi forgive me.

I'm sorry. "

This is the letter that I had written just after I got the appointment letter from the Indian Navy. My parents wanted me to practice my service in their hospital but I wanted to get into the Navy. They had allowed me to go for the exam and interview considering that I won't make it because of the record that I had. I had never passed in any of the competitive examination in my record.

After writing this letter I cried for a few hours and then went to my parents room for the last time. Meanwhile, my sister saw the letter and she came running to the parents. She didn't tell anything to them regarding the letters.

She entered in the room and started to argue with my father, though she never had even raised her voice in front of him in my notice. She asked him why he didn't allow her to go for journalism while she had been a terrible writer since her childhood. She had always been known for her writing talent and oratory skills. She said that she would kill herself if he didn't allow her to go for journalism.

With her oratory skills and powerful arguments she got what she asked for herself and then she made them to notice my failures. Getting in the Navy was my first achievement and that happened just because of my sister.

I kept searching for that letter to destroy that but I didn't get it. Alankrita, my sister never let me know that she knew about the letter.

The life is always filled with unexpected situations, we never know what's beyond, what kind of day is there ahead of us. I had come to my parents place for a small vacation. I had to leave for work the other day but because of the flood I was stuck and was not able to get my way back. Still I went out to check if there was some route through which I can leave. On my way I saw a few kids playing in the flood water. Soon I found that they were not actually playing but stuck in the flood and were not managing to come out of that. I tried to help them with a long bamboo stick but as it couldn't help, I jumped in that without even realising the danger waiting for me. Both my legs stuck to the huge rough stones. I managed to swim towards them with the intense pain and soaked in blood, took the two boys in my arms and swam back. By the grace of the almighty I was able to come to the bank, till then the people had gathered there and took us to the hospital.

When I woke up, I couldn't feel my legs. Both my legs were amputed as they were badly ruined by the wound caused by the stones and the dirty muddy water. I was desperate again. Then my sister came with the letter that I had written a year ago. She read that letter to me and said, " So, do you really think that your life was over that day? You could have but you didn't. You know why? Because you knew that there was just one reason to kill yourself but hundred reasons to live. Today also there are hundred things that you can do. Don't you know the story of Arunima Sinha? Have you forgotten the Nache Mayuri girl Sudha Chandran? There must be many more people that you know about who defied their incapabilities.

Don't forget that you have just lost your legs, not your spirit or your dreams. You can still fulfill your dream that you always wanted to live. I'll train you for that."

After encouraging and enriching me, she convinced our parents to allow me to go for the paralympics. And then our journey began.

It's not that within a moment, without any efforts we got this with some sort of magic. It was the overall preparation with patience, devotion and perseverance for the sole goal of getting this medal. And here it is.

Saying this Anurag stood and lied down near the feet of his sister Alankrita to show his gratitude for his lovely mentor.