The Mahishasura Inside My Head

 We are all Durga. The only difference is - some of us recognize the Mahishasura inside our heads, and some of us don’t. Every morning, standing in front of the mirror, the voice that whispers _“You can’t do it”_, _“You are weak”_, _“What will people say”_ - that is the real Mahishasura. Ten arms, a trident, a lion - these are external weapons. The real war happens inside the head. With fear, with self-doubt, with the words _“I can’t”_. This is the story of a Mahishasuramardini. One who changed the society inside her head before she changed the society outside. Because if you can’t defeat _The Voice Inside Your Head_, you can’t defeat any Mahishasura in the world. --- *5:30 AM - Roy Residence, Chandrakona* My name is Antara Roy. I am 28. I teach Biology at 'Subhas Academy College And University'*. I have a daughter - Shree, 4 years old. And I have *Mahishmardini NGO Home* - my NGO, where 20 trafficked girls live. Today is Rumi’s first day at *Chandrakona Girls’ High School*.  Rumi is a girl from *Mahishmardini Home*. She is a trafficking survivor herself. The police rescued her 6 months ago and brought her to our NGO. Today she stepped out in her new blue-and-white uniform. I woke up before the alarm. But I can’t get out of bed. A voice inside my head is whispering - _“Antara, you can’t do it. The Headmistress will insult you. The guardians will throw Rumi out of school. Your NGO’s name will be ruined. Who are you to change society?”_ I didn’t sleep all night because of this fear. My hands are shaking. Today I have a class at *Supers Academy*, the girls at *Mahishmardini Home* are waiting, Shree has a fever. And me? I am losing to this voice. Didibhai called from the kitchen, “Antara, I’ve put the tea on.” I stood in front of the mirror. Dark circles under my eyes. Suddenly, I saw Maa Durga on the other side of the mirror. *Maa Durga said, “Antara, are you scared?* *I was scared too, my child. Standing before Mahishasura, my hands also trembled.* *Do you know the difference? I lifted my trident even though I was scared.* *Where is your trident? Your courage. Your power to say ‘No’.* *Remember - I wasn’t born with ten arms. I started with one. The other nine grew while I fought.* *Get up. Today is your Mahalaya. Slay the demon inside you.”* I closed my eyes. Ten breaths. Then I told the voice inside my head - _“Shut up. I am scared, but I will still go. Because Maa said I am Mahishasuramardini.”_ *8:30 AM - Chandrakona Girls’ High School Gate* Rumi stepped out in her new blue-and-white uniform. Abhra drove her here. 3-4 guardians started whispering. “There she is… that girl… from the Home…” The voice again - _“See? I told you. Run, Antara. You will be humiliated in public.”_ My legs are shaking. But Rumi held my hand tightly. Her little trident locket glinted in the sun. Maa Durga’s words echoed - _“Where is your trident?”_ My throat was dry, but I walked to them. “Namaskar, Didis. I am Antara Roy. Founder of *Mahishmardini Home*. And this is Rumi. My sister.” One woman sneered, “Didi, what if the children get scared?” The voice screamed inside my head - _“Shut up! Don’t fight. You are a teacher at *Supers Academy*!”_ I placed my hand on Rumi’s shoulder. In my mind, I screamed back, _“No. You are a part of me, but you are not me. Maa said my nine other arms will grow.”_ I said aloud, “Scared? We are scared of Math, not of people. Rumi knows 9 languages. Your daughter can learn English from her. Any objections?” The Headmistress came and said, “Antara Di, please come inside.” *1:00 PM - Supers Academy, Staff Room* The Principal Sir called me. “You lecture about ‘rescued girls’ in class? That’s not in the WBCHSE syllabus.” The voice again - _“See? You’ll lose your job too. Tried to be too revolutionary?”_ Tears in my eyes. But I didn’t put the marker down. I remembered Maa - _“I started with one arm.”_ I said, “Sir, there is no ‘Humanity’ chapter in the syllabus. But I teach it. Because students of *Supers Academy* will get jobs, but will they become human?” Sir looked at me for 10 seconds and said, “Carry on, Madam.” That day I understood, the real Mahishasura isn’t roaming the streets of *Chandrakona*. He lives inside my head. And Maa Durga? She lives inside me too. *12:00 AM - Diary* _“Maa, you were right today. I started with one arm. Today I had three victories - *Chandrakona Girls’ School*, society, and a mother’s heart._ _The voice inside my head will come every day. On the way to *Supers Academy*, before entering *Mahishmardini Home*. But from today, it knows - I am not its slave._ _I am scared, yes. But I change *Chandrakona* even though I am scared. Because you said - the other nine arms grow while you fight.”_ Shree is sleeping beside me. In my chest, I can feel the breath of 20 girls. And inside my head? There is no Mahishasura there now. There is only Maa Durga’s voice - _“Get up Antara. Today is your Mahalaya.”_ Because the real war is with _The Voice Inside Your Head_. And today, I won.