The Lost Dream

Dear Friend,

I never really knew what I wanted in my life. All the time my parents wanted me to be a doctor or an engineer. I never knew what I wanted the most in my life. Everyone around me goes about saying that you must have a Dream or a Passion and you really need to work for it. Some people said we must do what we love, & if so we'll be great at it. So I had to choose what I wanted in my life. I was afraid of human blood (haemophobia) and engineering was too mainstream for my society, so I had bias on being a doctor or an engineer. I thought to myself what I really wanted to be. "How about a veterinary doctor?", I gave myself an option. I always loved animals and I wanted to spend time with them. Veterinary would be a perfect job for me I thought to myself.

After 12th I wrote the entrance for all the medical courses which was NEET. I didn't get in my first try, so my family decided that I drop a year so that I can prepare well. Most of my friends got in college and took engineering. My family's only intention was to get me into a Medical College. They provided me with a good entrance coaching and all that was necessary to achieve what is that they wanted me to be. But I was stubborn as hell and decided that I will never be a doctor just because I knew I won't be successful one. I thought that I'll keep veterinary as my first choice in the allotment process without my family's consent. I never really knew what I was going to do if I ever got admission into veterinary college.

A month passed, 2 month's passed 4 month's and so on.... I made friends in the coaching class we had fun in and during the classes. I skipped the one's I didn't like, and sometimes I wouldn't go to classes just because I was bored. Studies and entertainment went in hand, or so I thought. I told myself a big lie that 'my friends are playing, so it's okay if I play' and other times I procrastinated on studies saying that I'll study hard on the topic later during the last month's of the exams. Day's passed by so fast that I didn't realise I hadn't even finished half the portion 2 month's prior to the exam. I started to panic and studying hard, real hard. Never did I know that I had this much potential in me. I studied without taking breaks 11-12 hour's each day which I never had accomplished in 17 year's of my life nor did I knew was it possible for a person to do that without taking breaks. This workaholic process only lasted about one month. I lost hope on myself. I knew I wouldn't get it even if I worked hard for it. I started to regret on all the time I wasted. I told myself I could've achieved my Dream as they say, if I had started my work just a little early. I went into a deep state of depression. I knew I would be the biggest disappointment in my family, a family which has had a big streak of success stories to tell. I thought of all the proud and amazing things my family said about me studying while I was just actually wasting time procrastinating. I didn't know what to do. I started crying each day as I knew my life was over. If I didn't get into veterinary school it's going to be forever regret scenario. No-one was there for me just to give a sense of hope even if I never got in college. Even God had abandoned me it seemed in my hour of need.

As I was going through depression and prayers, I remembered that I had applied for an architectural entrance along the way which I never really cared about. I applied just because my parents wanted me to write every entrance that there is in this world just because it seemed I should make the most out of my year since I am a dropper. I checked online about the exam and found out that test checked a person's aptitude and drawing skills along with some math. I loved drawing and I attempted some of the aptitude questions and found that it was easy. The exam was just a week away when I found out about it. I started preparing for it. I tried my best to put my heart and soul into it in my state of depression. I tried up until the day of exam. I wrote it. The exam turned out to okay. What surprised me in my dropper year is that I wanted to be veterinary doctor. I thought it was my only dream, life goal, passion and all that rubbish. At a point I really did believe that my life was over if I didn't get an admission. The reality was I never really had a goal, a ambition, even a real life. I always lived in a fake reality where I tried to please others, where I wouldn't set up my priorities. In a fantasy world where I can be whatever I wanted to be no matter what. What I didn't want to accept was that in the real world you have to work for your goals and dreams. You would have to prioritise what is best for you. You would have to put your heart and soul into it even if it seems hard. And I am now with what I put my heart and soul into. I learnt my lesson the hard way and never will I make the mistake ever again, of prioritising what is important and what not. I hope you will take something great from my life lesson and won't commit to making the same mistake I made.

Yours truly heartfelt,

A Lost Dream