The another me - The struggle to unveil the reality

"After being in a state of uncertainty and mixed feelings for a solid 15 minutes , I decide to open my laptop and go onto the internet to search for some answers and shake off the inner turmoil going on inside me .

The first thing to search up about was the elephant in the room - the timing . Every single night my eyelids jolt open and jerk to the side , looking to find out that the digital clock on my table is showing the peculiar time of 3 : 13 am . Now I already know I'll see spooky stuff on the internet regarding this timing because I have heard from my colleagues that the time between 3 am and 4 am is when spirits and such phenomenon get into action .

Already feeling the chills , goosebumps crawl up to the back of my neck ."Sighing , I proceed to type in words in the search bar to find out the exact definition and significance of this spooky timing . I press the search button and wait for sites and information to load , all while being attacked by creepy , unsettling thoughts ."

"The network connection seems bad tonight ; I sigh again in impatience as I play with my platinum ring . Just after a few moments when I look up at the screen I see that the sites have loaded . It's a bad idea to even be searching all this up right now and getting scared but I have no other option , do I ? I think as I know for sure that I would not be able to sleep no matter if I hit the sack in suspense without searching it up or after knowing everything by searching it up ."

"Clicking on one of the very first sites that popped up , I read what was written and came to know that the time was known as 'witching hour' or 'devil's hour' and is associated with supernatural as well as paranormal occurring .

I tensed up but was determined not to slack off and hence decided to search up for more clues . I next search up for the smell - the strange yet familiar smell . I think about the characteristics of that smell . It's aromatic and generous and the more I try to focus on the smell , the more it wafts into my nostrils . I can't seem to remember what it is even though it feels like I had smelled it frequently in my childhood - though I remember nothing else about my childhood . Strange , I think as I go through some information regarding aromas , but still don't get a clue . The smell part was like a dead end . I had nothing more to search up about . By the time I closed the internet and put my laptop away , it was already 4 am . I had to get up early tomorrow and so I got into bed and kept thinking about my next project for work to distract myself . Soon enough since I must've been tired , I fell asleep ."

The next morning I woke up , got ready and went to work . The usual . I spent my day all busy but thoughts of all those nights I woke up at that time kept lingering on the back of my head . I could not focus .

I reached home late at around 1 pm . Had a bowl of curd rice and got ready to go to bed . I did my usual routine and made sure to meditate before I went to sleep . I thought maybe meditation would help in getting me a long , full night worth of sleep . I was wrong . I couldn't fall asleep at all . Workload stress and thoughts of this night incident both kept hitting pangs onto my anxiety . I was in the post of a senior editor in a fashion magazine . Us editors have to compile and review new fashion trends and also have to set up shows and interviews for popular fashion enthusiasts . This was my dream job and have been on it for about 2 and a half years .

I had recently got promoted to the senior position last month and now that I have it , I have other problems . Tough . Life is so tough , is what I think as I turn to the other side which makes me face the clock which showed the time as 3 : 13 am , once again . As soon as I saw the time I yanked my body and sat up by reflex . Why does it always happen ? It can't be a coincidence now that it's happening for the 7th time .

"I get up and go to the other side of the room only to notice that my curtains have been opened and so are my windows . I was so shocked that I could hear my heart picking up pace . Just then I could smell the aroma again . My sense of smell isn't that strong and hence I couldn't guess what this smell was till date , but I could smell it every time and that too strongly . Nevertheless , I decide not to be a scaredy-cat and instead just go out to my yard and have a look at where's this smell coming from . So I put on my slippers and a sweater and head out the door . I walk on the grass following the direction of the scent only to see that some incense sticks are lit up on the big rock in my yard . I walk closer to it and the scent gets much more intense . Who put them there ? , is what I question as I see that they seem freshly lit up .

"I look around and get chills on my skin and so I start walking back to my house . Just as I turn around and take a few steps I hear someone stuttering . I turn back around , my back facing my house and look at someone that made me flabbergasted . That someone was me , myself . Another me to be precise . My jaw drops and I stumble and fall back . My butt hits hard on the ground and just as I'm about to scream , the another me standing still speaks up softly . 'Listen . Relax . I was really scared to do this . But I have to . I'm you . I do no harm . I promise . Just calm down . Listen to what I have to say .'

I try to calm my crazy heartbeat and observe the another me . She's wearing a hospital gown . She's just like me . The same shoulder length hair . Same body type . Same face . Same fish-like eyes and even the same mole on the cheek . I keep observing her with a palm on my chest as she fidgets , seemingly nervous ."

"This is how it goes . I have to cooperate and see what this so called me girl lurking around my yard has to say or else I'd be attacked or even bad killed . I have no time to think about this and that , I shouldn't anger her and just listen since I have no other option . I'm scared to run away because if she's a spirit she can easily catch up to me . Such jumbled thoughts pop up in my mind one after another ."

"I calm down making distance between us and ask her 'Who are you ?' in a firm tone . 'I'm you . The real you . Trying to pull you out of this world you've created .' , she says . 'What ?' , I ask her getting suspicious . She seemed nervous to break it to me first but then she started saying crazy things . 'Come out of it . You know its fake . C'mon please feel your intuition and feel your spirit . Focus . Get out of this bubble you've been trapped in for such a long time' , she says in a persuasive manner . 'Bubble ? Feel my spirit ? Trapped ? What are you talking about ? And how.... are you the real me ? Tell me that first ' , I say perplexed . She looks deep into my eyes pursing her lips and adds in a slightly pressed tone , 'I have got no time for this . I'm focusing so hard . My energy will end soon . Understand . I'm you . This is a fake world . You've got to question this and make yourself get out of it.' At that point her words scared me a lot because she was me , looking into my own eyes so deeply and trying to persuade me about something to get me out of . I just thought of this as a bad dream and tried to run back to my house .

"I turned around moving my heel 360° about to dash to my house but just as I take a few sprints she catches up to me and grabs me by my back putting her hands on my shoulders completely grabbing me . 'What is that you want from me ?!' , I scream my words as she turns me around . 'I have no time . Please snap out . I have no option but to trigger you with words . Can you remember your real job ? You were a bank receptionist . C'mon . Snap out of it . You're living in an imaginary world !' she says emphasizing her words .

"As soon as she says bank receptionist , a sharp pain stings through my temples making me slump down on my knees onto the grass . How can her saying some random words give me a migraine instantly ? I think as her eyes become wide open when she notices that her words are affecting me . 'C'mon just a little more !' she adds calling my name multiple times . 'Just a little more . You have to be quick . You're a bank receptionist . You're in a junior position . You take the metro to reach Dorothy intersection in the city . From there you grab a croissant and a latte from Anne's bakery . Focus . This is your real life . You are not supposed to be here . Come back . Come back....' Her last few words became indecipherable as my vision flashed white . She sat in front of me on her knees and let me lean on her shoulder as I faced her . The next moment I felt dizzy and felt like I was standing in a pathway , a horizon of a new world . I could neither move nor feel myself - I could only think . So I thought more and more . Am I really a bank receptionist and not a fashion editor ? Am I really taking a metro to my work and not my car ?

"It was now the moment to choose . In this position with washed vision , I have to choose to believe either what she said , or what I know . I sighed deeply in my mind as I felt my indecisiveness kicking in . What is true ? What is not ? Is my existence even true ? Or is it just an illusion ? Questions that can never be interpreted at least not as I stand here in this unknown state pile up my mind . What do I do now ? I have to find out a way . To come back to consciousness . The another me clearly didn't mean any harm . She did nothing besides confronting me for which there must be a reason . I try to think more and more . I even start calling out my own name . And wish deeply for the Universe to take me back to whatever world there is that is real and I'm supposed to belong to . If I'm questioning my existence in this world I was in right up till tonight , then there must be a reason ."

"I ask of the Universe , of the Gods and my Guides to guide me through this and give me solace . To set me back to where I belong in the reality . Take me back to home . Just as I think these affirmations the white light blinding my vision becomes even brighter and I could see swirly patterns and orbs of colours floating in my vision , like a prism . As I float through dimensions , I could smell the aroma of the incense sticks wafting up into my nostrils once again .

"My eyes jolt open to see a blank ceiling with a fan . I try to adjust my eyes to the light as I look to the side to see saline connected to me and incense sticks lit up on the small table nearby . I'm in a hospital bed with a hospital gown . The same gown the other me was wearing when I met her , I notice as I wonder what this place is , what this world is . The next moment someone opens the ward door , holding yellow flowers . It was a middle-aged woman with fish-like eyes just like mine . She was wearing a brown midi skirt and a cream cardigan . She entered with her eyes fixed down on the flowers . She closes the door and turns around to look up and meets eyes with me . Her eyes and mouth both open wide as she hastily comes up to me stroking my forehead and cheek gently and carefully . 'Daughter ! Daughter ! Are you back ? You woke up ? Dear . Oh how much I missed you . Oh my god . You're back for real.' , she says as her voice breaks along with tears in her eyes .

"I become teary too knowing someone cared for me at that moment after my struggle to come through . She starts pacing here and there as she joins her hand together to thank the Gods . I couldn't seem to remember her though . She called me daughter multiple times and her caress was definitely like a mother's touch . I knew she was my mother . But I knew nothing else about her identity - not even her name . I nod to her with a soft smile trying my best to completely understand the situation . Opening the ward doors she calls out 'Doctors ! Doctors ! Please come ! My daughter has woken up from coma ! She finally has !' . The next moment two doctors - a male and a female , rush in with astonished faces .

They start checking my heart rate and other details on the monitor . The female doctor asks me in a soothing voice 'Hello . Are you okay ? Hearing us all right ?' , she asks trying to inspect me and my state of being . 'Uhh yes ma'am . I'm here . Umm...'

I try to speak more but she cuts me off saying , 'Don't speak . Rest . Let me fill you in .' She looks at me once again making sure I'm ready to hear what she has to say and looks at my mother and nodding to her . Then continues taking my name , 'You met with a huge car accident . You were in coma for 3 years . You're here now . You're back . You may feel confused or unable to gather any previous memory . But your questions will be answered so don't worry ."

"I nod at the doctor . I'm surprised but somehow all of this was believable for me . I did not live with my parents in the other world . But in real life , I must have parents . And I do , my mother was standing right beside me caressing my hair over and over again , tears threatening to spill on her cheeks ."

"Only some of my questions were answered . Others still weren't . I was in confusion . My mother helped me remember my past by showing me photographs and letters . She even called our family and relatives and they visited me . I had a little sister in high school , I couldn't believe my eyes . All this while in the other world I guess - I did not have a family . I didn't know where they were . And I never questioned it either ."

"I broke out of my bubble completely in a week . I was still in the hospital but I tried my best to adjust to this life real quick . I received a lot of love and affection from my family and friends . I figured out the answers to my questions one by one everyday . I really am a bank receptionist . Not a fashion editor . I was unsatisfied with my job and my position . And felt like I didn't belong here . 3 years ago , I got told that one day after work , I was very irritated to take the metro to home and so I took one of my friends' car and drove by myself . She said she'd just take the bus since her house is not on the same route as mine . I was a good driver and did have a license . But since I never had a car and never practiced , I made a huge mistake and forgot to apply the brakes at an intersection , in turn crashing onto an incoming truck . I managed to survive and have been in coma ever since."

"While in coma , I imagined this new world for myself . Where I have a huge house , a car and am a senior fashion editor . I was living in that world all these three years , thinking it was reality . Many of the things in that world didn't make sense - like the fact that I had no family and didn't question it . And I didn't know much about my childhood and my upbringing either - which was weird . After 3 years , the time finally came . My soul had to either give in and die or pull my other self out of that world into reality . That's why I kept waking up at that time of the night . Because my own spirit was around trying to reach out to me and pull me out of there . And finally that day she , my other self , came into contact with me saying she's using all of her energy and didn't have much time and started persuading me to come out of that world saying that its imaginary ."

"She was right . It was . Now I know . I'm back . My spirit took a risk and came to me knowing the two outcomes , that it can either succeed in bringing me back or fail in doing so in turn giving up and ascending to the skies . But it did succeed . The thought itself made me so relieved and I felt so grateful . So damn grateful . My unconscious self fought for me . Trying to bring me back . I still remember how I leaned onto the shoulder of my own self . Her gaze stern and careful . My mother's incense sticks' smell guided me as well .

I knew the struggle now . To break through . The migraine . The fear . The uneasiness . The feeling of floating between horizons . The feeling of fresh air when the numbness finally went away . The feeling of the hospital lights blazing onto my pupils . The feeling of coming back to life . Everything is fine now . It will take me more time to remember and figure out everything .

But at least now I'm safe - is what I think as I lay down looking at the ceiling surrounded by my family expressing their gratitude and my little sister crying out of happiness , celebrating my victory. My victory to reality ."