String Of Dark Secrets

A few years back I met a person his name was Sam. A young thoughtful and handsome man with dusky features. I was quite young at that time, maybe seven years younger than him. But we still made a beautiful couple and balanced our energy very well. It was for 3years everything went well, we enjoyed each other's company and had beautiful dates and outings. I was in love with Sam the very first moment I saw him, but it took me time to realize it. But now I knew I loved him deeply, my every breath held him. He was the only one in my dreams in my art and as well in my life. I felt complete the moment my heart said I love Sam. Everything was smooth but destiny had planned something else for us. Out religious cultural and ethnic backgrounds clashed. We knew our families will never let us be together. We had two choices either to elope and bring disgrace to our families or leave each other for our love. I never wanted our love to defame us, so I gave up easily. It ended all within a few moments we parted our ways and finished all the contacts we had. But they say 'Love is the elixir of life. How could it have not become poison for me when the same was not around, I knew I was in love, But it was not meant to be accepted. All the time I lied to myself saying 'I never loved him, thinking it was all just an illusion. After all, how can be an emotion so powerful and empowering? It started to become my Dark Secret. It is truly said 'when we deny our emotions and bounce them they reflect at our intuition'.The same was happening to me. My mental peace was disturbed I started to develop anxiety and sleeplessness. Earlier it felt like restlessness I thought maybe I was missing him. I never had an idea it will get worse...I thought it will be fine with time and I will move on. But it didn't happen. I got multiple breakdowns many panic attacks and I was eventually diagnosed with clinical depression.

Now came the topic of mental health. It is already a great taboo in our society. It became another dark secret of my life which was revealed to everyone now. Many people around me labeled me as a crazy person. They tagged me Pagal and whatnot. No! I don't blame them out society works thus way I contemplated a lot about existing situation and I felt It was circumstantial. I questioned myself.'Sara what is the lacking you are bound to?'...I thought deeply upon the fact. And my heart answered it said these two words 'Acceptance' and 'Self-love '...it said 'sometimes our lackings take the incarnation of our darkest secrets 

It hit me badly. I knew the reality before and now. I went on to work on myself. In the process I got to know I was being too hard on myself I learned,' Before loving somebody else you should be a grounded person then comes out the real elixir of love'. I accepted I loved Sam rather than denying it harshly. I continued to work on my mental health. I started to explore my thoughts feelings and emotions and in the process, I learned to decode my emotions. I built self-love for myself. I felt I was being too hard on myself. I gave myself immense love and self-discipline. I started to invest in myself. And everything around me changed. I made all of my darkest secrets the power of my development. I learned 'Darkest of your secrets are the seed to your development'. I accepted and introspected my secrets and moved toward growth. All we need to do is learn to grow and nourish our feelings. Believe me! it is an empowering experience.