Graduation Party

The lights are in my eyes. The beat is on my hair, my clothes. I squint away. The light seems to follow me.

“Having fun?” Shane asks setting in beside me. My mind crumbles. I stumble for a few responses, and then realize that I’ve been gaping at him with a confused look.

“Yes?” I force out, and immediately feel like burying myself. If I’d been honest, I could’ve taken the conversation further.

He gives a little laugh. “Why does that sound like a question?”

“Because I’m not?” I hope that makes sense.

“Then why did you say you did?”

My stomach churns. I’ve been put under tests before I was ready, but this, I can’t handle. I don’t know where to look. I don’t know where to put my hands. I don’t know how I’ve talked to people without wondering which eye to focus on. I tell myself I’ll notice it later.

“I don’t know actually ha ha…” He’s just talking to me because he’s bored and nobody, he knows is around him right now. “I guess I’m just nervous?”

He smiles and I know it’s out of politeness.

I wonder if he’ll remember me if we meet in the next four years. I wonder if we’ll ever meet again after this. It’s our graduation party, and we have different goals and different aspirations. I am the only one who holds any importance of our acquaintanceship. He doesn’t care, and he never will. For him, I’m just someone who happened to be in the same class.

For me, every event, every second has revolved around him. I’ve hated him, I’ve run away from him, I’ve laughed with him, but I could never let go of him. It’s an infatuation, a deep set one at that, but I will cherish our moments forever. They’ve meant too much to me.

He pats my shoulder and moves away from me. My shoulder burns. His friends have come. “I’m sure you’ll do great,” he says as goodbye. He’s talking about the speech we’re supposed to give at the end.

I might never see him again.

“Um!”

He turns around. The lights fall on me. My stomach hurts.

”Good luck.”

I’ll keep this secret with me. I’ll ruin it if I say it out loud. He says something unimportant and goes away from me. The beat is on my heart. The light is on my hair. My stomach eases.