SOLILOQUY

The sudden appearance of dark, thundering clouds in the night sky with flashes of relentless lightening were sending tremors through my spine. All this followed by stern rain descending from the heavens above, augmented the adrenaline in my blood. I could feel the palpitation of my trembling heart against the delicate walls of my chest. At a tender age of seven, all alone in the house, one could well imagine the kind of predicament I was going through. Gathering courage, I started speaking loudly as if there was someone accompanying me in this challenging time. “Don’t lose heart, I am with you, Don’t lose heart, I am with you.” I kept on murmuring and was successful in overcoming the panic.

The whole scene resurfaced in my mind today and is as fresh as a recent episode though it occurred around thirty years ago. I was still engrossed in that childhood terrible episode when suddenly the door opened and my receptionist entered the chamber with a news that shook me from top to bottom. My cousin, the sole bread earner of his family, met with an accident and was serious. She told me that my phone was ringing but I was as if asleep with my eyes open.

I rushed to the emergency ward of Apollo Hospital. My heart beating faster now, I could sense the emerging of a similar kind of situation that occurred thirty years ago. The memories still fresh in my mind, I decided not to be overpowered by negative thoughts and tried to relive the recovering part of my childhood episode. Yes, I started speaking loudly once again, though alone in my car. “Don’t worry, everything will be fine,” I kept on speaking till I reached the hospital gate. I found his family surrounding him and comforting him and assuring him that he will be fine soon. I was happy to see him in high spirits and thanked God on my way back home.

I found my phone ringing in the car. It was my wife yelling from the other end and reminding me to reach Divya’s school immediately as there was a special programme organised by the authorities especially for the parents. She said, she would reach directly from home and shall meet me at the school premises. “Oh my God !” How could I forget it? I had promised my daughter that I shall be there in time.

I reached a little late at school but could easily find a seat in the first row. It was around an hour’s lecture by a counsellor, perhaps, who laid down the importance of variations in childhood behaviour and methods for parents to counter them. May be, I clapped a lot at the end of the session , I caught an easy prey when the counsellor asked me to speak a few words on how I found the session to be. I was still preoccupied with the sequence of events that were folding since morning but still gathered courage to get up and say a few words. While moving towards the dais, I kept talking to myself in my mind and asking myself what words to speak in order to delight the speaker. Surprisingly, I found a voice coming from inside me as if guiding me to say such and such words and more surprisingly , I thanked that inner voice of mine for doing so. It all ended very favourably as I could guess from the propitious response from the audience.

It is five p.m. now and I am in my clinic waiting for the next patient. How hectic the day was, I kept on thinking again and again. Assembling all the events that occurred, right from morning on wards, and as if doing a little research work, I was elated to note that all the events had one common feature in them and that emerged to be the wonder of speaking to oneself. The times may be of distress or contentment but this unique marvel of soliloquy scores above all other methods of self control or self motivation. I promised myself to master this art further in order to have an improved version of myself and to gain an increment in my ability to deal with circumstances. Honestly, today I feel like shouting Eureka, Eureka, on my new discovery.