Not Worthy...

Once again a day of fluctuations. From the second Malini got up from bed, something or other knocked her. She felt tense and unhappy at heart. The seconds that were spent in agony left a void in her heart and she could not feel at peace. Eyes brimming with tears prevented her from seeing clearly. When life is itself so hazy and unclear, how can she wish to have a future?

Malini never wanted to enter into wedlock. She never wished to be better-half and she wanted something more in life than getting married. But her ill-fated stars decided the other way. She got married. Initially, it was a struggle to cope with everyone around her. Everyone at her in-laws home looked so cheap with minimal thoughts and wishes. Whatever she didn't want to talk or discuss, they talked and discussed. It dawned on her one day - she is not with the intellectual company. They all belonged to a sect of people who loved materials and opened their mouths wide in wonder when they happened to see anyone who looked brainy and who are away from materialistic love.

Till then books were her friends. Not even a single human as her friend. But after marriage she wished her better half to be her friend. He looked so animalistic with feelings that vibrated with flesh and nerves. Even animals may not think about mating for a while. In his case, it was not so. Irrespective of whatever pain she was in, he didn't mind. Abuse in married life - something she has read - but something she has not experienced so far. 

The tangled life pressed her down and she felt stuck in an open unused bore well. Holes mattered and nothing else than that. She literally fell into that unseen hole of abuse that our society never came out to talk about. Though someone whispered in secret, it is still an unfathomed trench in the life of a woman. It will take decades to get it washed clean. Finally, when that silent abuse took away her poetic instincts, she felt she had been pushed into a void where no one can help her. Is it marital bliss or marital blisters of pain?