Noorah Mohd. Omar - An Autobiography

Nothing comes easy nor stays. Yes, of course, I guess we all would nod when we read it, right? Human would. I had believed I was born on an evening spring when the sky was ablaze about the sun setting for it meets the dead of night, the tree dances near the window so that I can see it, the wind blowing as it carries the fragrance of flowers, and the moon shone as the silvery claw in the dusk sky as it tried to see me from behind the clouds, besides the sounds of senior neonates aired on the hospital radio to please the audience, and the nurse hands me to my grandparents. Besides, they welcomed me to the new world. Lately, I came to know I was fantasizing all about myself without even realizing that the dark sky would bring darkness soon. So that the tree was terrified, the sun was on fire, the moon was hiding, the neonates were crying, The clouds were running to escape, and the wind was carrying the message for miles.

Yes, I was dragged into the darkness from one to the another. It first showed up in the name of poverty. It awaits to greet me at the first meeting. At Trichy Government Hospital, there was when I first met with him on July 15, 1998. I barely remember my childhood, but I've heard my Mom lamenting about my Dad. As I've already said, I was born to poor parents. My birth has a story behind it. My Dad's father was not a good parent. he left her wife to die in poverty while enjoying his life with other women. My grandma had seven children. My Dad was the first. His brother, the second one died recently a decade ago. His sister is living with her family. others died in a tragic moment. on the whole, my entire family history was a great-tragic saga. So that my Dad had grown up freely with no restrictions. He knows everything academic but fails in life. People would easily fool him. He doesn't know about saving money for the future. He would go as far as to buy gadgets even if he has nothing for the next day. He loves to eat. So if he has money he would spend it.

However, through his friends, he believes in Islam. So he had converted to Islam. Thus, he married my Mom. She is not my biological Mom. Other than this, he has some goodness. After some time, he married my biological Mom. My sister has born as followed I did. From then and now we are together in a house as a family. My first Mom had been abandoned by her family because she struggled her life for us [children of other women]. Also, my Mom had married a man who was a drunkard. He had beaten my Mom every night and harmed her more with cigarettes. She then got divorced. In later years her parents married her to my Dad. on this site, during this time, My first Mom had no child and two were discarded in the womb. So he comes to know my Mom. Thus, he married her. As usual, there were fights and quarrels in the house for times until we two were born.

In between, they shifted from place to place. Finally, we settled in Padalur which is our native now. My sister is 26. She got married and had a baby girl. Now she s at her 5. Then got divorced for the same reason as my biological Mom. He was neither good nor bearable. I'm now 24. I had been sent to the Government Schools up to my 12th grade. As same for my sister and now for her daughter. There was no good education, and I'm not good at studying. I have always been an outcast for this reason. However, I've passed with God's grace. I got the sense of studying in 11th grade. I became a good student from average and below average. I was good at biology to score more than 95%. So I was picked up as the representative of my class. Teacher's day celebration was the first function coming after I became the rep. My bio-botany mam, the class in charge ordered me to conduct the School prayer. It was routine for every grade student and that was our time. She doesn't know that I was lacking in English. As she expected me to do well, I couldn't tell her.

I was frustrated till that evening. I ran to my Dad asking to write something that praising teachers to read on the representative speech. He had written a para and I had read it the next day. My teacher prized me and was so happy. The whole school had a distinct perspective on me from that day. I heard pupils talking back to me about that day because I was the only one who read in English. I was in ecstasy. Then I realized that the hard work you did won't put you down instead, it'll glorify you at the right time. Fortunately, my thirst for English grew bigger and bigger. Through the interest and with God's grace, I got comprehension. It lured me into grammar. There when I first tried to study and understood what it meant to be a student. I've scored 825 out of 1200 on the 12th-grade board exam which is not much to appreciate, but for me, it is because it's my hard work on studying. 

Even though struggling to spend a day My first Mom had sent us to college. I happened to take English Major in Bachelor of Arts. The passion I had for English was inside me when I recognized it. These passions drown me to dive deep into the literature. I didn't know how to pronounce a word other than words such as a, an, the, with, of, and, are, but, and other three-letter, four-letter words. I practiced myself, I educated myself. Thankfully, there was time we have to study Dramas, Poetries, fiction, Literary Forms and History of the English Language, the Social History of England, and some other allied subjects. From the first year beginning to the final year-end (2014-2019), I've underlined each word to mark its meaning in English.

So that I could understand the story and the concept also, themes. It made my mind cope with sentence making. Thus, I started to write what I sensed instead, of memorizing and vomiting in exam papers. Even there was the time, once again I told myself "Noorah see you're doing it. Yes, you can do it. You should keep going on. These are the practice where you can see that the hard work you made won't let you down instead, it'll glorify you. As the result, I became one of the toppers. It's a never-ending saga I then more interested in doing assignments, seminars, and presentations, and I gave myself a try of it. Yes, I did it well. That lured me again and this time, I was doing MC for the same teacher's day celebration in another degree for Bachelor of Education in 2019. As I've already said, the thirsty evil inside me kept on pouring interest into my heart. As a consequence of this in the mids of 2021, I made outstanding results on my Master's degree project under the title of, "Emerson's Self-Reliance in James Cameron's Avatar".

I did discuss the tribes, argued about transcendental elements with examples, and convinced my major concept of self-reliance in Avatar. Both my sister and I each hold three degrees per each with the certificate of First-Class with Distinction. This is the greatest tribute we gave her. But what is the use of it? We can't move further as being poor. No one respects our degrees but expects to have gold. I've tried everything to earn online and offline. Every time I try to do something, it sucks. It isn't working only for me. I pray to the Almighty. I have no one to help me or to guide me with this kind of knowledge. Throughout my life, I had lessons over everything. Thus, I've learned writing, designs, and more on my own with just a smartphone. 

In the genre of writing; I'm a poetess, short story writer, and a quote writer, and I know review writing, product writing, resume building, content writing, essay writing, and article writing. Beyond these, I know self-publishing, editing, proofreading, e-books, book cover designing, and email marketing, ad marketing. In the field of design; I know card designs such as invitations, greetings, notices, flyers, business cards, social media posts, ads, prints on the wallpaper, phone covers, T-shirts, bags, etc. But due to poverty, I'm unable to invest on the printer, or to have a shop. But I hope that these are my ticket to a better tomorrow. will it come to, if I just sit comfortably without insisting myself into it? Therefore, I decided to write that is what I can do at my exist.

In the last 2021, I've undergone the process of inventing a new theory which is named "Darovianism, the Theory of Darkness under the discipline of Gothic or Dark Literature. Darovianism means dark love/study of human conflict to their despairs. This theory deals with concepts that can be defined as anything related to darkness but on a very positive note. To give a clear and crisp definition: Darovianism is a new theory that deals with the darkness within a human being, which includes emotions and phenomena in life such as poverty, pain, sickness, sorrow, regret, guilt, love, longings, avoidance, loss, heartbreak, fear, abuses, harassment, injustice, etc. With these components, this theory focuses on the ideology of facing the facts. It deals with being honest with yourself. Also, one must accept the uncomfortable fact. Like fighting the reality even if it is difficult, treating things with less emotion, and being full of fair understanding. Therefore, while literature describes darkness as something terrible in human life, this theory attempted to define the overcoming of darkness.

Darovianism (Dark + love = Darove, Darovian) arose to show that not all people see darkness as something terrible. I've introduced this theory in the dark fantasy named, "Soul Together in a Cursed Castle" that I had self-published at Notion Press Publishers along with three of my poetry collections, one research methodology book, and one exotic kind of gift book in 2021 since it's free for self-publishing. Also, had published a few short stories at Story Mirror. Though I still suck in poverty, I made an identity for my name. At least, to show those people who else cursed me as an outcast. I thank God. Fortunately, now anyone can see me on Google as an author just by searching my name "Noorah Mohd. omar". Isn't it a victory to me? I always believe that our determination and the will to win will let you meet success. And one more factor is the support of the people around you. 

Am I the only exception? Yes, of course, I did think to give up everything that I've been holding on to reach my goal. Don't ever hear the voice inside you that asks you or scolds you to drop down. At times like these, you even have to fight against yourselves. All I wish is to have a superpower that hears and heals people's minds. So that I can walk along the stygian paths of them. I do that through my writing, and the theory is the existing example of my intentions.