Mysteries of Life - Part 1

"It was the same routine every single night. Or at least for the last 78 nights. Drink warm milk with a teaspoon of sugar. Brush my teeth. Make sure the curtains are closed all the way to the very end (no gaps, thank you!). Moisturise. My pillow fluffed just the right amount. Set a redundant alarm for 6am. Close my eyes. Go to sleep.

All for what? I open my eyes to see it is 3:13am, every single night!

Every night in that moment, all I hear is silence. The silence is so loud, I barely hear my pounding heart. An eerie feeling creeps over me as I see through the (now open) curtains, the ice glazes over the windows from the sudden cold. A smell wafts through. One that is so familiar. I know what it is, I have definitely smelt it before, yet I cannot name it. All these days, I have never been able to remember it. I have tried day after day, night after night, still zilch. What now....?"

The feeling is so different. I can hear a voice which touches my soul. The pain in the voice peers through my skin. There has to be some connection. There has to be some relativity which connects us but my body is paralyzed in sleep. I cannot walk and look through the window. 

With a heavy head I get up at 6am and get ready to go to work and get my daughter ready for her school. The thoughts kept encircling my thoughts . Every night getting up at same time with same feelings made me wonder that why this was happening to me. I thought of going to meet a psychiatrist. May be I was losing my mind. May be I was going to turn into an insane anti-social element. Like this how will I take care of my young daughter who is totally dependent on me. 

After my separation with Raj life is not the same. Spending six years of the married life as a homemaker I have to stand on my own feet and look after my career well to give a future to my daughter. Krisha, my daughter is my world now. She never asks but understands well my loneliness. She never complains or crib for more. May be she is also trying to understand the sudden changes in life.

I searched for a good psychiatrist and found Mrs Kapoor as recommended by many good reviews on Google. Soon booked an appointment and reached to meet her. She had a beautiful office with motivational quotes framed all over the walls. I waited in the reception area reading them all and searching for some meaning for my life.

Receptionist asked me to go inside and as I entered the cabin I was shocked to see my childhood friend Smitha sitting across the table. She could not control her happiness and immediately came over to hug me. My reason for being there was different but it is said everything happens for a purpose. I decided to go there and meeting her turned out to be a coincidence. She had totally changed. Few grey hair near the forehead, spectacles gave her the perfect look of a serious doctor , her beautiful silk saree wrapped around her, gave her a perfect ethnic look too. She was the most charming and bubbly character in my group during school days. Discussing with her about the emotional trauma I was going through after leaving Raj made my heart lighter.

In our very first meeting I couldn't tell her about my early morning encounters with an unknown and unseen soul. I returned home with the promise that we both would meet next weekend in a Juice bar nearby. Next morning again at 3.13am I could not go back to sleep after I suddenly woke up. I tried to wiggle my fingers and toes and was amazed as I could move them easily. Today my body has the energy to get up and go to the window. After talking to Smitha I got the confidence to face life as it is. I no more wanted to run away from the circumstances of my life. If I am alone I have to be stronger rather than a feeble soul.

I walked towards the window which was almost covered with the fog outside. All I could hear was the noise of the few vehicles on the road. I tried to look hard through the fog . The glass of the window was also covered with dust outside so nothing was clear. That feeling of someone present there and watching me was growing more and more and my heart started pounding hard. Suddenly I saw a hand reaching over the glass of the window and there was the ring in the finger which I knew well. Oh my God it was the ring which I put on Raj's finger on the day of our engagement. The first glance of that hand and the ring made my head spin and with a thud I fall on the ground.