My Morning Blues-By -Kumar Bahukhandi

Almost all the people are scared of nights but not me. Nights are full of entertainment parties, music, good food etc. Days particularly early mornings always scare me. It is so painful to get out of cozy bed while you are watching a beautiful dream. I have heard that early morning dreams come true but not for me, for the simple reason that I could not see even a single one completely.

I have a complaint to God. Why did he create mornings at all? It could have been just a single long night from womb to tomb. One would be born partying and would die doing the same. So romantic, isn’t it? You must be wondering what I have against mornings. Well, almost everything. Get pushed out of bed, brush your teeth and shave your face day after day. Shaving is some thing I don't like at all and call it unfiar of god with men and morning seems like a war time.

You try to run against the time, do lot of physical exertion in the name of exercises and get very limited and bland ration in the form of breakfast. In the morning, open any TV channel and you would find many Godmen and matajis preaching way of life by denouncing materialistic pleasures as if you should live alone in deserts of Sahara with nothing except God. Absolutely rubbish and boring, God lives inside each of us and how can you even think of making him suffer in the name of purification of soul! It would still be acceptable but no, you have more in store to further your problem.

Exercises! Man, exercises! This is one thing which has been my ‘achilles heels’. I was very lean and thin in younger days so much so that people could read surface anatomy of my bones. I suspect many of my friends used to flock around me during exam days in BHU for that purpose only, selfish brats! Under my father’s strict guidance, I was made to do a variety of exercises like walking, running, stretching and Yogasanas etc. but I became even more thin. Even today when I see the various Yoga gurus and celebrated gym instructors (call them tormentors) on TV channels, I get a shiver in my spine.

Inspite of partying a lot I manage to choose writing as a profession, by God, within three months of sitting at one place writing, thinking,writing,thinking and writing I got ballooned . My parents adored my new looks. Believe it or not I really hate the woman in my life when she suggests me a new trick to coax me for morning tortures (exercises). Many times, I lose control (after all, I am a human being only) and get temporarily inspired by so-called well-sculpted bodies of a new Khans and Roshans but only to realise soon that beauty lies in the eyes of beholder and many people may find curves much more romantic than ‘flatness’.

In such ‘fits’ of inspiration, I bought many exercising equipment like stepper, treadmill, Tummy crunch and sauna belt etc. before I could start using them, TV channels informed me that they were outdated. Now I have a huge collection of such unused equipment which serves the purpose of stands for drying clothes particularly small ones! I have been suggested by fitness fanatics that walking early morning is one of the best exercises but many members of our ‘Lazy Club’ have come out with the statistics that percentage of morning walkers leaving for heavenly abode is much more than non-walkers. It is for the simple reason of being constantly under stress and tension of waking up early morning! Meanwhile, I have decided to follow ‘Charvak Siddhant’ that is ‘khao, piyo or mauz karo’. 

Warning: The views expressed here are personal and self-destructive. Readers should use their discretion.