Love And Lost

Lives turn into moments,

Moments turn into nightmares.

I have loved and lost.

The cycle is continuous.

Lovers to strangers. Strangers to lovers.

The cycle is continuous.

One stare, one glare, words unspoken, racing pulses, shaky legs, trembly knees, weak wrists and rest communicating pupils.

Unfit heartbeats and loosened chests.

I have loved and lost.

The more I get through my day, one miracle I hope for. Maybe one day you would come around and I would tell you all about it.

Things I have looked forward to will eventually come to an end. I had goals and I gave up on them. I am still trying to fit in till the last day.

I have loved and lost.

I love you and lost you like others. I must have reminded myself, but you were something big, something vague and profoundly necessary to protect. I have loved and lost. When I see you and think to myself, is this what falling in love feels like? Is this what losing you feels like? Is this what forgetting you feel like? Is this what hope feels like? Millions of unfinished lines and verses and thousands of move-on letters to remind myself again and again till I ever breathe again, I must stop. I must stop.

I have loved and lost.

But what exactly do I have to stop myself from? How could I? How could I erase the haven you provide me? How could I just erase the way you smile and the way your smile forms? How could I, just erase the way you let the words escape through your sweet mouth? How could I just erase the way I feel about you? How could I? I wish I could, I wish you could just look at how much you mean to me. How much do you affect me? How much you break me? How much do you fix me? How much do you hate me? 

I have loved and lost. 

Maybe I should remind myself this time, that I can be ugly. How could you ever look at me, let alone love me? The brightest, the happiest, the prettiest, the kindest you, oh remind me, how could, the dullest, the unlucky, the unworthy me could ever have such a soul, who will mend me cluelessly. I have loved you and now I must lose you. I must, it's no other way around. 

But I am just glad enough, you have to be alive in the first place to let alone love and lose.

Goodbye to you till another moment.