Invisible weight

I love the yesterdays. To whom shall I complain about today’s grievances? I had no complaints in the past. I was happy, and I had people around me. Today, I am engulfed in sorrow. My sorrow doesn’t flow; instead, it stagnates within me. It isn’t very deep, but the thoughts in my mind amplify its depth.

Nothing I do seems to go right. Whom should I blame, God? But why complain to a God I never called upon? Even if I were to complain, He doesn’t seem to listen. Amidst the thought of being ruined, if a flicker of light had shone anywhere, I would have longed for it. But now, all I have left is this life, drained of oil to keep the lamp burning.

Daytime naps are erasing the night for me. The sweetness within is turning bitter, and excruciating pain has begun in my legs. How much longer will this life stretch on? It feels as though I’m halfway there. Fear grows as I drag myself along. Why prolong the inevitable? Isn’t death the final destination? Let it come a little earlier. Why should I languish on this mattress?

I do not know if I will emerge victorious over this. Yet, I have decided to treat it as a challenge. Worse situations have come in my life before this. I overcame those, and perhaps this too shall pass. If only a single blade of grass from the meadow of hope had sprouted, I would have rejoiced. Is death nowhere near? I am waiting for you. If only you would come closer and sit beside me.