Inherent Sadness and Self Pity

Karunya is intrigued about the subject of karma. What is karma — what is good karma and bad karma. Are we evolved enough to understand the very meaning of it? We go for our work place to work, eat, drink and make merry. It’s a routine. We do our daily chores, pray to the Almighty for our welfare, go to parties, Feel happy to eat our favourite dishes from the menu card list, attend functions and weddings, go for shopping to pick up the favourite dress, visit the salon or spa once in a while. There’s nothing extraordinary, or any change in our lives. But change is the only constant, right?

We mature. We grow up. Learn a few life lessons. Witness the unfortunate passing away of dear ones, or age-related complications for seniors.

If we dwell on the subject called ‘karma’ on a serious note, we may get some insights. As we grow more mature in our thoughts, we realise that it is indeed good karma which saves us from unpleasant situations, and protects us. After all we are normal human beings and we don’t go so deep in to this thought. We just know that we should not expect anything in return, and we must do our duty — that’s good karma. Our intent is pure. That’s karma.

We really do not have any intention of hurting anyone purposely. But Life is not that simple. There are complications, and conflict of interests. Karunya assets these as a matter of fact to Kesha, who is in a confused state of mind — whether to remain with her husband or go separate ways. She tries to pacify her,. There are hindrances, hiccups, it’s not a smooth ride, there are ups and downs. Neither is life a bed of roses. Yes, the smooth rose has its thorns.

Kesha says, “I shudder at the thought and am fed up of continuing to put up with the whimsical ways of Arun, you see — the unreasonable demands, lack of reasoning capacity, I blame it on his upbringing. Are we destined to lead such lives? Why should we blame destiny ? Who knows what is your destiny? Why not find a practical solution and get going.”

Suddenly, Karunya realizes that she needs to call back Wilma, her colleague who has now migrated to Canada. Down memory lane, she reminisces about Wilma. “She advised me that I should join her for French classes during weekend program at Alliance Française, at Churchgate. I still regret that. I should have gone along with her. Now I can’t even imagine learning a foreign language. My time would’ve been well spent, and my C.V. would have been enhanced. Wilma does not spend unnecessarily. She is very responsible.

Only once did Wilma and I went all the way to Chor Bazar to buy her favourite reclining chair. Coming back home, we shared a pizza after a tiring day, and gossiped about colleagues. Then again, it was great to have such good colleagues around me. They were young age, fresh, without any great aspirations, no great dreams. Wilma I think is very ambitious. She has reached where she dreamt of. Her family is doing well for themselves. That’s great. Karunya is genuinely happy for Wilma.

“Karunyaji, your feet are so very lucky, whenever you enter our parlour we get more clients. and we are very happy with the surge in business! These are the words spoken by the parlour owner. She is a sweet talker, and of course Karunya respected her beautiful compliment, and took it in a good sense. “Yes sure,” she happily utters. They were close enough, and spoke as they they were at home. And so, their client-owner relationship was pretty good.

Karunya gave her home-made food and dishes to her as a mark of appreciation for her good services. She also introduced many of her friends to the parlour. Things were quite good. But during the pandemic lockdown, when there was literally no business, Karunya needed money. So in a rather serious note, she requested her with folded hands that she loan me some money, which Kanrunya would pay back in a few months.

After the request that Karunya put up, the parlour owner praised Karunya, saying she was very honest and sincere. So, Karunya assumed that the owner believed that the former is reliable when it came to money matters. Alas, that was not to be.

The owner did not hesitate to answer in the negative, even though she sounded promising when Karunya made the request. To her despair, it was a big ‘no’ from her. Without blinking an eyelid, she flatly said that she does not want to give any money. She had mentioned before that she wanted to renovate her house, when they had had a casual conversation. Then, suddenly, lockdown was declared and everything came to a standstill.

Childhood memories do not just vanish and fade into the oblivion, Karunya contemplates. However, we all want to move on in life, seeking to keep only pleasant memories. The reality is that recurrent thoughts at times impart life lessons — to be agile, alert and smart.

Appa was of course intelligent and street smart too, whereas Amma was very innocent and naïve. What a deadly combination for a gene pool! Amma used to sing well, no doubt. Perhaps, if she were fortunate enough to complete school, she too could have been self-reliant.

Some inherent sadness makes Karunya pause for a while, before allowing her thought process to flow. How did Amma managed to raise all five children with Appa’s salary alone. Appa had to manage the entire household — children’s education, medical care.

They were a moderate family. There was no extravaganza, no overspending. They just managed within the monthly expenditure. Even the children never demanded anything. They were just happy being on their own, diligently focussed on their studies. Suddenly Karunya had typhoid and had to be admitted in a hospital. Her mother too was admitted alongside.

After three months, the disease relapsed again. Paratyphoid,” they said. Karunya bowed with gratitude that the staff at the hospital looked after her with utmost care, both in terms of providing nutrition and healthcare. But she had to abruptly discontinue her science course in college.

A year passed by. Karunya then opted for the Arts stream. However, while recuperating at the hospital, her mane was shaved off. She was devastated. Her bouncy locks tapering down till her hips. She always made two braids to tie her curly hair. “Why do we suffer from ailments and sorrows?” questions Karunya.