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Illusion

Illusion

4 mins 10.6K 4 mins 10.6K

I watched the pendulum swing for hours more than I would’ve liked. The ticking ticking ticking setting off the air from its perfect silence. My eyelids drooped, as my hand could not move to stop the pendulum. My feet could not move to take me away from the sound. I was lost in the sound of the ticking of the time. But unlike the ticking hands of a clock, the pendulum spoke in riddles. Unreliable ticking, mimicking time and it displayed time indeed, but not the time I needed. Not the time I craved, and I begged it to stop.

And then it did. The room faded slowly, coming back into focus occasionally. I tried to keep my eyes open but the glue was cast, pulling my eyelids together like an invisible thread. I thought my eyes were closed but I watched the semi translucent doors in front of them morph into the form of two tall bookshelves. As I watched closer the shelves slid backwards into a stair case. I looked down at my feet and realized with a start that I was moving my head. I blinked and wiggled my toes in my sneakers feeling my toes scrape gently across the top of them. I flung my arm up in front of my face and wiggled my fingers. Suddenly though, my hand seized and I brought it back to my body with a jerk. There was a sound like smashing plates behind me and I tried to turn my head to look but suddenly I could not. My neck wouldn't move, I tried to blink again but my eyes wouldn't shut. I imagined myself clawing at the air and my fingers started to bleed but I couldn't move. I watched the blood drip down the sides of my fingers, down my hands and my arms to my elbows, then onto the floor. The blue jeans I wore for weeks without changing. I choked suddenly but I couldn't cough, I tried to feel the back of my throat with my tongue but that wouldn’t move either. Tick. Tick. Tick. I curled my fingers on the table top and ripped the wood from the top. Tick. The blood wouldn’t stop. I tried to force myself to breathe but no air was getting through. Breathe. I tasted it now filling up my mouth from the inside, salty and sickly and red dripping from my mouth now and down my chin. I watched as it splattered my white button up and I tried to scream-

The air was nicer on the mountain top than it had been in a long time. I looked behind me for a second at the staircase that was now beginning to fade. It is foolish to think this way. I eased into myself. A breeze came from the north and I looked out over the fog, the only thing I could see. Stop thinking foolish thoughts they get you nowhere and fog your mind. And here I thought it was a God giving me the wisdom. Our mind. If I was going to get this right I was going to have to figure myself out somehow. Come with me. I urged and I took a step towards the edge. A light sifted through the fog. Come now, this is not fear. One more step, God I was making this agonizing. For a second my body hesitated and a new irritation grew in me. Come now. I pushed myself off the edge and one part of me thought I would fall. At one point there was a part of me that would’ve wanted too. Do you know what mystery is? I riddled myself and giggled for a second as I watched myself hesitate. Mystery is all things that are not yet known. I answered. But do you know where? I nodded and with a smile I disappeared and I heard myself call out for me to come back. But no. Foolish, foolish, foolish. I will not help you, help yourself.

I fell.

One more Tick.


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