Identity

Siya ‘On’ed ‘Wi-Fi’ mode for the ‘n’ th time on the day to check for new messages in her ‘What's App’ and ‘Gmail’ account. Though she could sense the unconscious habit creeping into her, she felt helpless. She wanted to throw the gadget away for some time. The book she took from the library some 10 days back was lying beside and waiting to be read by her.

She knew she has come a long way. She is not the same person she was some 2 decades ago. She reminisced how she was - her innocent childhood, her thought clarity, the noble & positive thinking, her helping & fearless attitude, the learning spirit & confidence with which she faced life, Siya felt clueless.

She mused over the determination with which she studied to top among her friends. She remembered her denying more than 1 cup of coffee a day with her relative. She recollected her passion for Books.

Siya was really confused. Is this what Siya wanted finally from her decision?

The reasons may be one or more, but it was her choice.

Siya recollected the day when the decision she made created goosebumps in her. Refresh, Career Break, Long Leave, Time Off, Vacation, Quit, Resignation - the exciting feeling & happy emotions these words bring to long time office goers is much more than the words and synonyms threw my MS Word Thesaurus or Google Dictionary. It was exactly the same as Siya as well.

This was the moment that she had longed for too, the frequent thought that she had kept cropping for years together, the decision she had postponed again and again. In fact, she pinched herself twice thus feeling reassured of every minute/second that she could count upon henceforth.

Her inner desire to enjoy the small & beautiful things that life offered & continuous rat race for umpteen years made Siya to permanently opt-out of work. Futuristic concerns & alternative options from her close-ones/well-wishers did not bother her much. Though it was a bold decision, she stood by her verdict & was very particular in spending dedicated time with her family.

She was determined in getting back all things she had missed so far – the simple happiness of staying away from office routine; noontime at home; an attempt for health exercise; meditation; chat time with parents; planning for after school snacks; waiting for school bus; picking up children from school & enjoying stories together, helping in studies - The bundles of her joy was an endless list.

Siya, on the other hand, was highly a career-driven person and has enjoyed every bit of the work hour too. She has been many times quoted in her office by her peers & Managers as an exemplary employee and that has been because of her natural character, putting out heart and soul in whatever she does. A satisfactory time spent for years together, Siya went ahead with a bold break in her corporate career.

In fact, Corporate multinational jobs are not that easy to part with. Especially, People who started working for IT in the decade of ’90s were lucky and Siya was blessed to have been part of the Golden Period. The initial ‘Awe’ feeling as one enters the Skyscraper buildings gets stronger day-by-day. Air-conditioned campus, floor perfume, fluorescent lighting effects creating an aura of heaven, ever sparkling restrooms, millennial co-workers, friendly environment, team lunches, outings & gatherings, abroad opportunities and to top it all – the alluring pay in your A/c by sharp month-end and what not– the undeniable fact of Corporate culture overtaking, overwhelming and making you like one-and-all. Of course, Siya was no exception to it.

At last, the day came, the day she had to part with her work finally. As she dropped off her Corporate identity, less she realized it was her Personal identity too. But it was her choice, a choice made with complete freedom and no regrets. None could be blamed. Siya happily adapted to full-time home zone as a Homemaker. Hours, Minutes & Days flew by. Siya’s bundles of her joy turned out to be way far from reality. Along with aging elders, growing children & with the natural responsibility take over @ home, Siya slowly but was certainly sure of her slipping focus on the career front. Her optimistic thinking of getting back to career whenever needed proved false. As years went by, the truth of herself being seen in less demand in the career sector, glared on her face. Days became months & months to several years on her career break.

Though viewed as an easy choice by many, Home Making is never a last resort or the least option. It is a choice for many & chosen out of sheer will. Homemaking is not only art that involves passion & interest but with routine & round-the-clock chores, it involves an awesome responsibility combined with a wholesome effort. Driven with compromises & bounded by emotions, all expected back is some understanding to make the journey more worthwhile & interesting.

With due credits to Homemaking, ‘Siya – the Corporate person’ once could do was (i) nothing but give a big smile when her now grownup kids pulled her for leaving such a lucrative job; (ii) give an acceptable nod when she was told that she has all the time in the world as a Homemaker; (iii) to agree when she was suggested that she should come up with productive ways of managing mundane chores; (iv) to think when she was pointed out as a person with less focus.

Is a woman’s heart always a zone for her family and finally feeling the personal emptiness...? In spite of her talent, is a woman choosing to be at Home always a less received person?

Lost in thought and turning inward for an answer, Siya chose to return to Homemaking.

Getting lost, sometimes is the first step in finding yourself.