I need this feeling to stop

I need this feeling to stop I want it to stop...I need it to stop....I want to stop thinking about you....I want to go to sleep at night without you on my mind....I need to wake up without dreams of you holding me through the night. I need to let this go....yet I don't know how.... I need to move on yet how can I when I still look at your pictures and my heart aches.... When I know that there was this connection that keeps drawing me in.... When my heart keeps overriding my head.

When I know you were so wrong....yet you were so right... I pray for these feelings to go away...yet every night they return.... I need answers....but there are none. So I replay every conversation in my head for clues. But again I come back to these feelings....that take over my heart....my head...my soul. I want you to go away...yet I can't stop looking at your posts for a clue... Do you think of me like I think of you? No....my head tells me....if he was he would be with you.... But my heart says there was more. I know that I am no good at this....and this just proves it yet again..... I want to cut myself off from the world...yet without love life is not worth living....

So what am I supposed to do? When sleep eludes me... When my heart aches.... When this feeling will not go away..... I wish I never met you....yet the thought of you engulfs me.... I think how did this happen? How did I allow myself to fall? Yet falling was the most amazing feeling. The left fights the right, my heart fights my head, contraindications are battling each other ...... He said he wanted 50 years together...he never called... He said he hadn't felt like this in years.....yet he is gone.... Disappearing like a thief in the night....taking my most precious gift with him....

My head says he lied... My heart makes excuses for him. I toss and turn yearning to hear his voice, to see his smile, to smell him, once again....willing myself not to call... I pray for sleep....I pray not to wake up from the dreams that take over my nights..... Dreams of us together again.... I know this was not meant to be....yet I can't stop wondering why? I need to just walk away, close the door and move on with my life... But I have no idea how.... So yet again I will be thinking of you.... Until one day I will no longer be...