HOPE SAVED ME!

"Hope can be a powerful force. Maybe there's no actual magic in it but when you know what you hope and hold it like a light within you, you can make things happen, almost like magic." - Laini Taylor. 

 

That day, as usual, I was having breakfast in the restaurant and praying to God in my heart. I was gathering the courage to fight the ongoing struggle (one day at a time), and was trying to calm my mind; but there was so much noise of fear around, that even my mind was not ready to get out of the prison. I was sipping tea and waiting for my sister who went to buy some water bottles and pay for the breakfast at the counter. As soon as she comes back, we would go back inside the hospital. My tea was almost over but the nervousness was still there, while I was busy arranging the medical bills & other things in my bag; somebody sat on the adjacent table whom I felt I knew. I looked back and found a man sobbing, hiding his face in both hands. I recognized him as Jay Dutta and knew his sorrow too, but the pain that used to come out in the smoke of cigarettes every day, today they were coming out as tears, there was something for sure. I interrupted him and asked what happened?

He took out his mobile from his pocket and opened the gallery, showed me a picture of his mother, and said, 'the day she was going inside the hospital she was not doing this bad; I remember she turned while walking and gave a smile to me, that is when I had taken this picture, just look at her smile. Don't know why she has to go through this pain?'. Then he showed me a picture of his father and said, 'this is my father, exactly three months ago he died in a road accident. My mother is on a ventilator today and the doctor said that the chances of her survival are negligible, I have lost my father already and now if my mother also leaves me, then I will be an orphan, and he began to cry like a child as soon those words came out of his mouth.

My heartbeat was getting faster and sweat was dripping down my forehead, my throat was dry with fear. I could not understand what words should I bring, which would act as an ointment to his pain. I drank a glass of water, held myself strong and offered him some water too, and said, 'I am not a God or a Doctor, who can show you the path or tell you any solution, but I will say that your mother is suffering a lot and dealing with an unimaginable amount of pain; medicine and prayer aside but if a mother listens to the voice of her child, then perhaps her hope of living may come to life. You should meet your mother in ICU even if she can't see you, she could listen to you. If there is even 0.1% hope left, do not give up on your mother. She needs you today more than you do, don't let her down, let her meet her son.'

The next day he went to the ICU wearing a PPE kit to see his mother and something did happen. I asked him when he came back and he said, 'She did hear my voice and the moment I called her she held my hand and didn't want me to let go. She was terrified I could feel that. She wasn't able to see anything or speak a word because of her critical condition but she could feel her son's presence, my presence. I assured her she will be fine in no time. I hope she is in less pain now at least mentally. God, I had no idea that she needed me, if you hadn't told me I would never go see her in the ICU. Thank you, I am gathering my hope and strength for my mother. I hope everything will be fine.'

Hearing his words, got me some peace of mind and perspective. The courage which had been shattered completely was beginning to contain itself. The mental and physical fatigue of constant failing was taking a back seat and with this hope the next day I went to the door of the ICU and on seeing my sick mother (whose bed was next to his mother's bed), I promised myself that no matter what the cost, every night that tormented me, bad thoughts that haunted me, when doctor's daily report calls said: "can't say anything, for now, let's hope for the best". And even if your survival chances are negligible, I will fight till the last moment to bring you back. If I can give courage and hope to someone else, then why not myself? And I know this hope will save me my strength'. (I said wiping my tears).

After a few days, I heard Jay's mother couldn't survive; She had a cardiac arrest. He smiled painfully and said, 'I knew it would happen, she would not make it. Doctors made it loud and clear to me already. When I went to see her in the ICU, I knew what was she going through and this probably be the last time she would hear my voice and I could feel her, I did. Since that day I prayed to God to take her pain away. That was my hope and I am glad I could be with her in her final moments. You are the one who gave me hope and you need this for your mother too. Now don't give up your hope until the very last breath. She needs you. Fight for her!'

It's been a year now since Covid-19 attacked my mother and she had no chance of surviving at all with 85% of the lung damage. One and half months in ICU, passing every day in uncertainties (amidst deaths), and 6 months of home treatment under strict medical guidance., dealing with PTSD. From being not able to stand, walk, eat and breathe (properly) gradually she made it out alive. She did miraculously!



When you shed a ray of hope on someone in need, the reflection of it lights your life too. That reflection lifted my dying spirit and I didn't give up my hope since then, that hope saved me by saving my mother. When in disguise, remember to lift yourself because that's the moment you need yourself the most. Never give up on hope.

NEVER GIVE UP! HOPE SAVES LIFE TOO.