Harvard Dream

24-1-2022, Monday, 

10:30PM

DEAR DIARY, 

 So this is what happens when you aren't conscious, a habit. I cringed at the very thought of sneezing repeatedly without any note of caution. Homeland hazard. I felt an immediate race of thoughts that my whole life ran in reels before my mind's eye. 

   "Did you ", asked my diary. 

" My diary has talking powers now", I wondered. 

" Yes, I do possess an increasing need to vomit words since your mind is a racing train that can't be tamed nor does one dump this amount of trash when all you need is available to you at an arm's reach, why are you not deleting your thoughts which are unwanted? ", diary questions. 

   I didn't have an answer. I see too many people writing or better documenting their thoughts on an open platform. What about them! I thought. 

" Darling! People don't have time to read news headlines, do you think they'll care about kachra like this? ", it said. 

" SHUT UP DIARY! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH . " 

Why doesn't this inner monologue stop. Is it an obsessive compulsive disorder or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or generalized anxiety disorder that was left untreated when I was a child. 

    To top it off, poor social skills, resting bitch face and hippie streak makes it difficult to mingle or find friends. Atleast I'm not a hypocrite who has tons of acquaintances and gossip about them right behind their vast backs . 

    Ok. 

" May be even if I agree to disagree with you where have I wronged you? ", I asked. 

" Journalling is not just randomly jotting down routine, its more like a contemplative letter you are writing your soul to look beyond and goes back to relive the best moments of a day", the diary replied. 

 " That's exactly what I'm doing!!" 

" Oh, really, look at your previous diary entry and the start of this piece of writeup, I woke up, I had coffee, shitty " , it nodded. 

" So what's wrong? " , I murmured. 

" The way you write it - you used to be an imaginative genius whose brilliance knew no bounds - see whatever has been done to you : why did you become so rusty", growled the diary. 

" Oh, it's the people I'm surrounded with! " , I laughed. 

" So long sucker - go dump yourself in some meaningless place way below your standards, what's the point of struggling if you can't have goals and achieve them! - You are not this, Sindhu - You can finish your Ph. D in some good foreign university, the best one infact ,Harvard and become a scientist , you already are ready for IELTS , get your LOR & SOP ready plus your CV, you write essays beautifully and now that you have M. A in your arsenal I guess you would ace any test and dodge any bullet that would come your way! Stop loving this bed and get up before most of the lot get away publishing papers of the century that are going to be focal points or something that would become academic units in the textbooks of future students, Buck up, get up and get going, it's better late than never *" , concluded my mind

" Am I really capable of publishing thesis papers, seriously : I very well remember the trauma I went through when I slaved away for my project work and all I got was nil acknowledgement " , 

" May be I didn't have the right skill set and resources nor did I grow fully, may be it was the place to learn but I blindsided it with bookish knowledge! "

"C'mon take a plunge again. I dare you", yelled my diary.