Dust of Snow
Dust of Snow
It was just another day. The usual sunrise, the usual chores, the usual room, the usual people, except that it was my 15th birthday.
Now let me be clear, I don't have the fancy birthdays in which parents gift a bunch of presents and people come over and throw surprise parties, no it's nothing like that. It’s usually just a normal day spent when I cut a cake in the evening which they say is 'necessary’. Why is it so important to cut a cake on a birthday? I don't get the point of this. Nevertheless, I do this to cheer up my parents so they don’t feel bad.
After the quotidian chores of the morning, I sat down on the bed, pondering over my entangled and incomprehensible thoughts and memories. I went down the memory lane, trying to recollect and reminisce all the good moments of my life. Yes, I am uh-boring, I don't go on putting stories and posting pictures on Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, etc., I don't spend special occasions with what they call friends, I don't have any sort of craze in clicking pictures and having fun. Yeah, fun.
Maybe I felt sad about not having a lot of friends, or for not sharing thoughts and stuff with others because I felt my secrets were vulnerable to be publicised once the friendship ends, about not having someone to trust, to do some stupid stuff as a teenager. Yes, I definitely felt gloomy and I never dared to share about what I felt to anyone, not even my mother. I didn't want her to know about things with which she couldn't help me. Until today.
A tear leapt down my eye the very moment my mum entered the room with a paper bag. She was possibly dumbstruck to see her daughter nearly crying on her birthday. She came over to my side of the bed and asked me anxiously, ‘What happened sweetie?'
I burst into tears, it is just so cumbersome to hold on tears which threaten to fall with so much pressure and it becomes twice as difficult when the person asks you what happened.
My mum understood the whole situation, I guess. She had been watching me over the few months of lockdown, some strange things according to her like not talking much to friends, my peculiar responses to questions like 'Did you talk to your friend Alyssa lately? ‘How are you feeling?, etc., my weird mood swings which baffled her, it wouldn't have had been difficult for her to piece the puzzle, given her excellent intellect.
She hugged me tight (and I hugged back too, for the first time in months) and gently kissed my forehead. She asked me a question, ‘Do you think a true friend exists? ‘I shrugged and said 'yeah, maybe' and she politely explained, ‘No dear they don’t. No one, nobody can trust a person entirely. It’s not necessary that you can only talk and enjoy with people whom you trust. People talk to people to just get along, have a good time and make some enrapturing remembrances. It’s just how the world works dear.
Take my case for instance. I don't have a so-called true friend but I'm still very happy with my life. I have friends that I can't possibly confide in, they all are aware of that, but we choose to hang out together to just have a good time. You can have fun without having to trust a person, in fact, you should. Life is too short dear, too short for you to keep criticising the world. Don’t let the world hurt your heart dear, don’t let the pain capitulate your positivity. Don’t let the darkness control you, don’t let the harsh truth break you. People come and go dear, the one person that stays with you throughout your life is the person you see when you look in the mirror, and you have to make peace with that. The only person that can make you happy is you. The struggle in your life begins and ends with you. Change your 'Why is this happening to me ugh!?' to 'What is this trying to teach me?’. Be unbreakable. And don't forget to remember that I love you always.'
She handed the paper bag to me. It was my birthday present. She gifted me novels of Agatha Christie. God, I love her so much.
'Happy 15 dear’, she said.
I wiped my tears and hugged her so tight, so tight that I would never let her go.
She was like the dust of snow that a crow shook down from the top of a hemlock tree. She expounded me the realities of life so pulchritudinously. An enlightened soul like hers can brighten up so many darkened and crestfallen ones.
I never felt bad from that day onwards. It transformed my perspective of life. She is no less than a God on earth.