Don't give up

You know when I feel down what's it really feels like something scattering slowly something breaking down inside, it hurts, really. Like no one in the world with me, I feel alone in the dark. Sometimes I wanna go to a place where no one can reach me, where I feel my true self, with no bounds, no limitations, no comparison, no complaints, and no pressure I mean it. Sometimes I wanna run away far away to leave behind all these but truly I am a coward who doesn't take her own life responsibility. 

After spending a few months alone fighting with myself. I thought there would be a place for me where I really belonged otherwise why I am in the world doing nothing and wasting my time and life, Maybe there is something for me, I have to reach there, I want to find out what it's really feel happy, peace, satisfaction and warm and most important what the meaning of life and living a life? 

I can imagine you are thinking How I find hope in my life when I don't know where I'm going be, What am I gonna do? Nothing. But in life we all need something to keep moving forward, it's important. If you look around yourself you definitely find something that gives you hope to find your true image. Just like I find my hope through my mom.

 I never see my mom give up easily she is determined in her work, Nothing is more important than the work, She does it as she loves it the most, and she enjoys it. In my eyes if I put myself in her shoes I'll be broken down, it's hard for me to imagine my mom's life. In her early age devoted her life to her family and her parents. In her teenage she devoted her life to Papa and his family after that she gave her life to me and my sibling. Sometimes I feel what she have by giving importance to other more than herself and her dream, is she happy isn't she? I don't have the courage to ask her. It's not as easy as it looks like. You know how It feels when you lose your loved ones, I don't want to imagine this cause when I did that for a moment It's like the world has collapsed, my heart started aching, I can't take it anymore. It's like sometime in our life we experience these circumstances. Obviously, no one is ready to face this no one ever wants these things to happen to them but it's a reality we can't escape from. Same my family is not ready for this pain in our hearts.

When I was eight I lost my father in an accident that time it was like time stopped, oxygen was taken away from breath for my mother, that day I saw my happy family collapse, and my mother couldn't stop crying until she saw my father's dead body she even cried more and more and suddenly stopped talking. I watched her life-changing. I remember the day I last saw my papa saying goodbye forever at that time I don't know if I knew it I never let him go I regretted but I knew it was not in my hand but still It's hurt. I wonder I feel this much hurt how my mummy would have felt in those years seeing others with their spouse and happy families, I realized that I can't feel the pain she felt despite her love being gone and this hardship in her life she carried on her duty to be a good mom no matter what it takes. She works hard day and night no matter what it takes in her life she gives her best. I don't know when she became my mother and father she managed everything by herself without showing any pain, or sorrow to others. She is my hero. Love you mummy.

 I wanna give her a warm hug and I want to say sorry mummy, I couldn't realize all these years and wasted my time and becoming a selfish, sorry. One day I'll tell you and give you a warm hug with happiness. That's my hope to keep going forward in my life If I can't give happiness to my family then why I am in the world? I decided I'll never stop how bad the situation in my life I'll do my best.

I also promise myself I'll live my life happily without any regret. I learn from my mom and wanna give my best too.

Give love and happiness to others and your loved ones that's the meaning of living a true life. Don't give up easily. I know It's hard but only you can fight for yourself. So be strong and live your life happily.

Bad day and good day, it's natural so don't lose your hope, find happiness around yourself.