Do I Still Love Him?

Do I still love him? The question has always echoed in my mind, and I have always tried to find the answer but every time I have failed miserably. Sometimes it feels like its a self created suffering, whenever I sit in a dark corner with a wandering mind, I think. Yes, I still love him. I still remember everything, as clear as yesterday. The way he smiled, the way he held my hand for the first time. The passion with which he said "I love you" for the very first time. Our first kiss. When he introduced me to his family and friends as his girlfriend. How he always protectively, tried to keep me away from all the creeps who checked me out. I still see myself smiling with pride and irresistible happiness, thinking, that he is the best thing that had ever happened to me.

I also know the other side, and thats what wakes me up at night. I still remember, those false promises, those phone calls, when I used to cry every time and he only used to listen silently. I remember the day he told me that my friends arent good enough and I should stop talking to them. How I always wanted to sort out things after every argument and how he wanted to breakup with me after every fight. I remember him naming our future children, and then telling me that somehow, he doesnt see a future with me. Everything is crystal clear in my mind. It brings me back to the big question- Did I really deserve that behavior, do I still love him? A tidal wave of all his memories engulfs me, drowning in heartbreak.

Our whole generation's head has been messed up by the conception that someday, somewhere a certain Prince Charming, Knight in Shining Armor will turn up for our rescue. Maybe I found mine and lost him. But, how do I know the person is the one for me? How can I ever be sure? The heavens didn't open up; our world did not turn pink when we first met. There was no drop-a-solitaire-in-her-champagne-glass proposal. So then, how are we supposed to know who 'the one' is? The answer is: we will never know.

The only fact I believe is, you're out there somewhere and I have been dreaming about you since I was just a little girl. I believe, you'd be there to make bright of any circumstances, to tranquil me down, to be kind, and to sincerely care about my feelings. The man who will never ever take me for granted; who will never let problems turn into disasters, who will understand that, together, we can find a solution. The man, who will never judge me for who I am, who will never forget to love me. Who will tell me whats on his mind; ask me for guidance or to trust that, I will love him through thick and through thin. I will be there for him in his moments of weakness. I will rejoice with him in his times of great accomplishment and triumph. I will hold his hand and walk along his side for every smash we hit along the way and I know that you will do the same for me. I know that you will be the man who proves to me that love is worth the wait and true love does exist.

To my man – Yes, I still love you!!!