Between The Realities

Here is my story of dealing with a chronic illness and how I’m surviving major depressive disorder

First and most this is not a motivational story neither a success story but these are insights into my survival notes of life.

               

And it was 7 years back my struggles of dealing with some kind of health condition began which changed my life completely. From getting hindered to do my daily chores to the things that I loved doing was forced to put full stop slowly. Yet as days passed I was not able to find out what am I going through?? and at last 2 years back I was diagnosed with a rare condition of skin recession known as HIDRADENITIS SUPPURATIVA’, which Is also abbreviated as HS.

Getting sick is normal but the state when you realize that your disease has no cure/no treatment and that will last forever you live will definitely make you go……….blank(just like these dots). And In the meantime lot, many life influences just around dragged me into the state of ‘major depressive disorder’. I know your thoughts would have flashed off like “what a silly girl is she? getting into depression for such silly things sheeeee maybe she doesn’t know what is it actually?”

But let me tell you all, it takes just a second or an incident to change a man’s mental state completely. Yes! I being the most energetic person, who talks a lot with well-built looks and doing everything a normal person does, but inside?? No, it is very difficult to understand what a person is going through even if he is acting normal and though he is in front of you. Our mental state will be just like a monkey’s mind where we never know what we think and do. Yes! I had gone through all these stages where I was even pushed down to the urge of ending up my life. It’s a strange feeling. It is not that we really want to die but your mind will end up there when you don’t feel any worth in living up even when our family, friends, known and unknown people could not understand our situation. In my case, I was not in a state to go and explain to each one around even when I was not sure of what is happening to me. This is just similar to all other people. I lost all my control over me and yes it happens.

But all that matter is how I overcame all my constraints? It is just because of ‘I, me & myself’. Okay not being selfish but the realization that I have just ‘me’ to deal with all things around me and only if I try I can move forward. Let me make it clear of course we are surrounded by people who push us forward to be a better person and support us. At the same time, there is who pulls you down to just kill yourself. Listen to whoever or whatever happens only you can bring you out of your bad mental state. From all my experiences down the lane, it is just my ‘self-realization’ & ‘self-love’ has brought me till now were I write a post about my life journey even when I am going through my HS pain. It is to the people out there who are going through bad mental states don’t worry, for sure it takes time. For me, it didn’t happen in a day-night but all those struggling of 2 years just thinking and thinking about my state and at last my realization. Everything is fine and it will be. Not making a cliché dialog or philosophical statement but this is just the reality. One or the other day things will get settled. Even I have been a philosophical influencer but at times I know it is not that easy to cope up with the realities and ultimate truths as they are too complicated though.

But always remember it is all easy to quit than to move forward in life. I just want to remind you all: “Success is not when you try and die but you try even when you know you will die” (jersey 2019)

                                 --------to be continued------