Between Craiglist and Backpage

Butterflies. My absolute favorite thing about my most recent relationship was the butterflies. Not the Backpage, though it was unbelievably good, not the companionship, though in many ways she was probably the perfect companion, maybe even my soul mate if I believed in that sort of thing. No, what I miss most is the little flutter I felt every time I saw her, the flutter I felt watching her sleep, the flutter I felt when she spoke; for her mouth was dangerous, glorious, vain and generous all at the same time. Watching her speak or kissing her lips was the most visceral of pleasures.

Wasilla back pages 

Take the butterflies, the excitement, the buzz away from a relationship and what’s left? Stability. Companionship. Tenderness. Intimacy and trust if you’re lucky. Love. You know, all the things that come to mind when we think about being in committed long-term relationships.

Fairbanks dating back pages

But here’s the rub, I don’t give a flying f*ck about those things. Not right now at least. Not in any regular or consistent manner. It’s not that I don’t want intimacy or tenderness or trust in my life, I just want it on my own terms. Let me express it to you this way: I come home every day from work, kick off my shoes, turn on my stereo and put a record on, pour myself a drink, ease myself onto my couch and kickback. I think about my day, what I did at work, what I ate for lunch. I wonder about my family and friends, hoping and wishing that everything is everything. I read my mail. I think about food, what I’m going to eat for dinner and what I’m going to eat for lunch the next day. I wonder why the Raptors are so shitty. And do you know what I never think to myself:

“Damn, I wish someone were here with me right now”

Don’t get me wrong. I love Backpage people. I love my friends. I love Backpage women. I’ve been in love more than once. I love going out and socializing and sharing time with my lovers. Just not every day. Not all the time. There’s not a soul on this earth that I want to see or talk to that frequently. And that’s the thing about relationships; you’re expected to spend time, to give your time, to share your time. That’s why I think relationships suck: they date with my time.

Anchorage Backpage 

Some will say that I just haven’t met the right one yet. Bullsh*t. I don’t know what the “right one” means to you, but I do know I’ve loved and I’ve loved it hard. I know I’ve wanted that love to create a life together and to create a family. I know I’ve wanted that love to sustain us, to be our wings during the good times and our way home through the storms. I’m just not sure I’m interested if I’m required to spend every day with someone.

Whenever I tell people this I’m told that I’m selfish. I’m told that I don’t really know what it means to be in love. I’m told that I’m not mature enough to make the sacrifices necessary. Maybe they’re right. Though I disagree. But I’m not arrogant enough to think I have all the answers.

That’s another thing that sucks about relationships. Everyone wants to tell you what you’re doing is right or wrong. Everyone thinks they know what you should be doing. Everyone thinks that all relationships should be like theirs or like this or like that. Everyone, no matter how maladjusted, feels they have some say, some stake in your life and your relationship. Everyone has an opinion.