Astitva - I Am My Identity

 “It’s my life!!! I know how to handle it. I don’t need your Gyan” blurted out Arjun in a high pitch voice and walked away, while Aradhana gazed at him in sheer disbelief. She was red in her face and the anger was evident, but what was more overwhelming was the anguish and the pain. With the frown on her forehead, the moist eyes and the quivering lips, Aradhana was besieged with an array of emotions questioning the last 17 years of her being a mom. Her husband Amit witnessed this episode but did not deem it important to intervene or redress it. Instead, he nonchalantly asked Aradhana to stop being nosy as Arjun was a young adult and deserved his space.

Aradhana in the many years of marriage and motherhood had been at the receiving end of this apathy but had never really voiced her displeasure. She pondered looking at fine lines on her face and hands that stood testimony to the trials of her motherhood journey. The hands that held her finger and learnt to walk, run and tread on the path of life suddenly seemed to have slipped out of her hand like dry sand. It was heart-wrenching to be told that she need not be concerned about the life that she had created and nurtured.

Aradhana, a career counsellor by profession was revered for her domain expertise. She was adept at dealing with teens who at the threshold of the academic careers sought her expert guidance. Her patient listening skills and empathy was always successful in striking a chord with the students and their parents who thanked her profusely. Why then did her own son not value her opinion? Had she failed as a mother to instil the right value system? Had she allowed for herself to be taken for granted? She was stuck in the whirlpool of these questions and the pent-up anger and pain engulfed her.

Aradhana had been pragmatic in her approach to motherhood and had always considered it pertinent to be the lighthouse for Arjun so that he never lost his course and direction. She was always there for Arjun and Amit and had never aggressively pursued her ambitions. Her efficiency in seamlessly managing work and home without ever seeking help or complaining was not appreciated or acknowledged. These unreasonable expectations that she had burdened her shoulders with, had resulted in her having to don the garb of a superwoman who could never vent her fatigue, frustration or despair but always be there for everyone with a smile on her face.

Today, she has deliberated on the last few years, as she was forced to believe that this was the underlying cause for Arjun treating her like this, taking her for granted and not associating value to her work, time, inputs and insights. She had drained herself out with unreasonable expectations. Tears welled up and rushed down like a seasonal waterfall, unexpected but forceful and helped wash away the dust that had covered her identity. She had to assert herself and impress upon them that she has an identity and deserved respect and dignity.

Aradhana suddenly felt light after the introspection triggered due to the unfortunate interaction. She wiped her tears and walked up to Arjun’s room taking Amit in tow, who looked confused. She addressed both to them in a firm and commanding voice. She said that just like Arjun had a life of his own, so did she and she expected both Amit and Arjun to respect her as an individual. She reinforced that though they all loved each other deeply, it did not give them the liberty to treat her callously and that she deserved to be heard and her opinions mattered as much as theirs. Aradhana reiterated to Amit and Arjun, that their credibility did not come from celebrating mother’s or woman’s day, but from treating her and all women with respect and equity every single day. Arjun hugged her and apologised for his brutish behaviour.

Love is the key ingredient to making and nurturing a bond, but it is the respect of every individual in the relationship that cements it and keeps it strong. All you strong women assert your identity because you deserve to be respected and celebrated each day.