Are You Kitten Me?

I swiped at the mew-spaper lazily. No cute girls anywhere for the third day in a row. Sigh! What a claw-ful life. It has been ages since I saw Catrina the purr-ty tabby at her kitty party. Sabrina the annoying girl who keeps following me around entered the room. I resigned to my fate and plopped on the fur-niture. She picked me up gingerly and cooed, ‘How is my sweet, little Charles Lickens? As always, purr-fect’. Paw-lease human, everyone knows only cats are allowed to use cat puns!

When she fur-nally put me down, I jumped down the window, travelled along the pipes and reached the third floor window to meet Angelicat. She is a furry cutie and al-mew-st always my wing-cat while picking up catgirls. Hanging upside down from the pipe, I gave a smart rap on her window. Immediately she came bounding paw-cross and slid open the window. We had planned on exploring a new part of the apartment complex where itty-bitty sparrows frequented. My stomach gave a happy lurch thinking of the meow-nificient meal awaiting.

As we bounded towards the ground, soft meows of a kitten were to be heard. Paww! This sucks. Some stupid kitten must have caught itself in danger and we simply could not ignore it. Following the noise, we went to a clearing in the trees where Boco, the stray dog was paw-sitively gleaming on having cornered the small kitty. Of course! For a long time me and my fellow felines had managed to purr-suade the humans to not allow any stray dogs in the society. But since the old dog-loving hag came to live here last month, dogs have started to have a free reign around here. Looking at the burly doggy bullying the kitty, Angelicat exclaimed, ‘Oh Charlie! We need to rescue it, look at the poor thing quivering with fright.’

‘Drat! What an annoyance.’ Shaking my head, I gestured her to follow me and we snuck up to stand beside the kitten. Boco made a move as if to swat us away. I gave him a look of supreme disdain and gave him the paw.

Angelicat lifted the kitty with her mouth and when Boco made a motion to grab her, I nudged him with my nose. He growled. Oho! He did not just go there. He’s about to feel the full power of my wrath. My fur started to stand up and I meowed shrilly in his ear. With a mighty whine he ran back with his tail between his legs.

Tired of all the nuisance, I made my way back to Angelicat and the small kitty. The kitty tried to come and lick me all over which I grumpily endured. Angelicat suggested that we must resume trying to catch sparrows. The annoying kitty started following me everywhere! Why can’t people leave me in peace! By the time I managed to wrench myself and Angelicat away from the kitten, it was almost nightfall. After saying goodbye to her, I leaped through the pipes, pulled the window open and strode inside my house.

One minute I was on the ground and the next minute, I was being lifted up in the air. I turned my face to see my human roommate. As I kind of, sort of, missed her, I let her scratch behind my ears. It was a decision I would soon come to regret as she cooed, ‘bath time’ and took me to the bathroom. Arggh! Can’t a cat never cat-ch a break?