A Reality On Edge.

The thin gap during the twilight between the glimmering light bulbs of the city and the crawling dark clouds faded when dusk began to fall. It is about to rain, a man inside his car thought while driving over the flyover. Tap, tap, and tap, the rain. His wiper slid them off from his windshield over to the paved road from where it slipped through a drain hole to free fall again onto the ground below in between a dozen tents made of cheap plastic sheets and wooden poles under the slab. Hums of the swaying flies over the rotting garbage and squeaks of the darting rats besides the dustbin by their tent were silenced under the shattering rain.

Nine, maybe ten years old Mili in her white frock grabbed her half-burnt defaced doll from inside of the tent which she found while rummaging through the waste dumped by the apartment, and scampered out ignoring her mother sitting on a plank outside.

Banu sat on a black and bold wooden piece staring at the slums on the bare land to the east and opposite the apartment when Mili sprinted out. A junkyard that looked like a pool of metal boxes, she thought. A foot gap between the houses, thin metal sheets that separate the toilets, and sewage that trails around the front step. It is not a home she dreamt of, but it is a spot she desperately wants before the monsoon begins. Surviving in a lawless place, within a lawful land was cursed upon Banu since her childhood from the moment she was sold to a local landlord at the age of eleven when the burden of a loan kept her father under six feet below the ground where once his crops perished to the flood and pests. She was turned into a bruised doll, lifeless, toyed by the landlord until his death and then by his son, Vira, a cheap gambler and a stubborn drunkard.

With the doll in one hand standing by the rain, Mili grinned upon the wet road cheerful, tangling her wiry and drenched hair with the other. The rumbles were quiet for some time now, she sighed. But the very thought made her empty stomach growl again. A stern and piercing stare was pointed at Mili when Banu finished running down her memory lane. Mili quickened her pace and reached the tent from the side of the road to her mother. It was obvious, but both were silent. The hunger was not only feeding on Mili, but even Banu could not bear it anymore. Her stone-cold face let the guard down when her vanishing strength and the weak mind shrunk her heart when Mili tapped the plate, swung her head, and smiled crawling up her lap. Her glistening hair under the streetlight was tucked behind the ears when she gently pressed the tips of her mother’s fingers to get her attention.

But last of the plying buses from the city to its outside dropped off commuters at the bus stop to their west, lorries carrying industrial waste zoomed beside them to the east and the screaming traffic police officer blew his whistle every five seconds standing under a booth by the lane. But nothing seems to bother Banu. She held Mili on her lap and gazed into the street, between the rain.

Some year after his father’s death, Vira lost all his fortune when he started gambling. The day he mortgaged the house where he and Banu lived, was the same day he started drinking which corroded his mind turning him into a monster from an animal. On some nights after gulping down a few glasses of alcohol, he would whip Banu on her bare-naked back with his leather end of the belt as she cried and with the buckle end when she was exhausted. When her both hands were tied onto a window rail, he would push his weight on her and run his fingers on the wounds to gorge them. His monstrous act finishes when he stubbed his final cigarette in between her thighs before lying down and often fell asleep listening to her soft and small moans that were heard through her cut lips in between her long and deep breaths. He shifted his abuse from physical to verbal when he found out she was pregnant. Tying her to the window was stopped and after a year after Mili was born, the banks foreclosed his house. But Banu followed him to every barren land on every street through the city holding Mili and carrying the essentials each time when they were forced out by the police until they perched under the flyover. In the beginning with the help of a few locals, Vira worked as a scavenger for Singa a local goon, and a loan shark till he managed to find work at the construction site. But always being drunk on the job and disoriented, the supervisor ultimately sacked him when he dropped a bag full of cement while clinging on to his slipping alcohol bottle tucked between his lungi, and from then on everyone had denied him work and with the monsoon approaching the city, the construction companies were cut shorting their number of labourers.

She thought her existence had to be cursed, maybe because of a sin she had committed in her previous life on earth. But she never understood why Mili was being punished or why she was still being punished even after visiting more churches, mosques, and temples than any pilgrim that ever lived. But then she thought again, maybe it was because she never went inside and thanked the gods for the alms or the free food, or maybe they were just never there in the first place.

The receding rain gushed again after a violent thunder squalled down from the sky following lightning that bolted into the ground far away. Inside the slum, around a corner house, Vira gasped silently after listening to Singa. Spitting out the paan and adjusting his lungi Singa handed over the money to Vira with his squinted eyes and then grabbed him by his collar to warn him about the consequences of not following the instruction. Vira gave a strange grin when he slipped the money into his shirt pocket after promising him that he would keep his word, Singa loosened the grip, slapped his face, tapped on his shoulder, and hovered his hand in disgust asking him to get away. Vira scratched his head and pulled his shirt down while walking down to the street.

The dark night succeeded over the dusk and watching a black sky over the clouds with no stars or the moon, Mili yawned just before she saw Vira coming from the other direction. She got up from her mother’s lap and waited anxiously for him to reach under the flyover. His legs wobbled around the sidewalk when Banu noticed him coming out of the slum. While walking right through the road splitting and disturbing the traffic, the police officer blew his whistle louder when he noticed him neglecting the pedestrian signal. But he crossed fine. Lucky fellow! The police officer thought and resumed blowing his whistle at the others.

His scruffy and grimy beard along with a quirky sense of smile scared Banu when he looked at Mili. Her shutting mind became more calculative disregarding everything around and looked at Vira as if he might have committed to something larger than just wrong, but she remained quiet. Vira picked up Mili and carried her to the tent. after setting her down, he handed over a packet from under his lungi and asked her how much she loved him. Banu was struck as she witnessed the sudden influx of love that Vira showed to Mili. But the thought was interrupted when Mili after carefully unwrapping the packet and biting on the tiny slices of the bun handed out another one to her. Vira, took the bun from Mili’s hand and put it back in the packet, and convinced her that Banu and he are going to eat afterward.

Maybe he had a change of heart or maybe he felt guilty or maybe someone struck him on his head, but Banu could not understand his change of spirit.

A little while after having the three buns, Mili caved inside the tent and tucked herself under a damped and dirty blanket cuddling with her doll. The merciless mosquito bit on her legs and arms and water dropped into the pot by her side through a hole on the sheet above. As midnight was about to strike, the police officer stepped down from the booth and drove away on his bike when the stars started to loom up in the sky when a strong wind hailing from the east carried away the clouds. The rain stopped and the water lodged at a corner on the road formed clearer ripples each time when the lorries passed.

Vira took a single big gulp to finish his bottle of alcohol before lying down on the plank and throwing it by the side of the tent. Banu picked the bottle up to toss it in the dustbin and sat down on the ground. She hid her nose under the pallu of her saree when the vicinity was stunk by the stench arousing from the sweat on his body. The vehicles passed over them on the flyover every few seconds when the traffic under it was little with lorries that come out from the city for every hour or so. Banu dozed off for a second listening to the sound of cars and buses passing over when Vira sprawled over the plank and mumbled about renting a house inside the slum. She broke from her sleep surprised and called out to him in a daze. He pushed open his eyelids and then struck on the back of her head to keep her quiet and ordered her to wake him and Mili up early in the morning. Rubbing her head and confused she asked him why. He got up and sat on the plank, blew his nose out, looked at her, and said that Mili was going away for a while with Singa. At first, she thought she might have heard it wrong, but now he told her about the money he took from Singa in exchange for Mili.

She grew more anxious and told him not to send her away with Singa, but before she could finish her words, he stood up, grabbed her hair, and pulled her up. As his grip firmed, he pushed away from her head and then brought it close to his face to spit on her and threatened her never to question his decisions if to avoid finding herself dead in a ditch. With her eyes wet she wiped her face and ignoring further abuse she asked him why again in a feeble tone. He laughed and replied that girls at Mili’s age will fetch more money than women at her age when sold. Her feeble tone disappeared as she burst out trying to hit him. He pressed his palm on her wrists and brought her hand down. A moment later her, left eye turned redder and cheek warmed. But still, she tried to grab him with tears rolling down. He gave her one more slap and this time the sound echoed under the flyover. She fell as he kicked on her stomach and warned her one last time.

Weeping and panting heavily, she pulled off the gravel stuck on her palm and kneeled over to him, and held his feet to beg. But Vira shook his leg, kicked on her shoulder, and raised his arm to shut her up and this time she laid down on the ground holding her tears back. Her life flashed as fear racked up in her mind. She held her tears back, and rubbed her nose and eyes by her shoulder. Her voice grew quieter with each passing second as she watched Vira lying down on the plank again. Rage replaced her pain as her mourning for freedom and regret for being born into this world stopped. Her blood boiled at the sight of the boulder she would sit on when cooking and stare at it for several seconds after looking at Vira and his head. She walked to the boulder and bend down to grab it over her chest. After a few strides to the plank, she held it above his head and as he opened his eyes to the sudden tranquillity, he saw the big rock over his head and shaking at the hands of Banu. thud and splash! she dropped the boulder on his face. His face was smashed and bloody, hands quivered straight out from his body with an open fist and his legs trembled for a second or three and then he was still.

Banu took a step back and looked at his lifeless body. His head was caved in till the eye socket with his left eyeball tangling out. She froze for a minute to let herself understand. But the sound woke Mili up and before she could come out, Banu barged into the tent and grabbed a blanket from inside a box, and marched out. After a second, she called out to Mili and asked her to grab the bag by her side and come out. Mili crawled out with the bag and handed it over to Banu and after Mili rubbed her eye, she pointed at the blanket to her mother. Banu told her not to wake her father up. She zipped close the bag and asked Mili to go to the other side of the road and as she ran away holding her doll Banu lifted the blanket a little at the left side near his chest and took out the money from the shirt pocket while keeping an eye on Mili.

She could not believe for a second what she had done and the consequences if she were to stay there for even a second longer and when she was about to take the step towards her daughter, she turned back, cursed at him, and spat on his corpse.

Banu held Mili’s hand by the side of the road and hoped to catch a bus that would take her and Mili far away from the place but there was no bus at that hour, and she could hear whispers from some tents under the flyover. She knew no one would care if she told them that she killed her daughter’s father to save her from him. When whispers started to turn into conversations Banu saw a headlight flashing at her. She signaled with her hand to stop, but as the light came closer, she realized it was not a bus but a lorry. The driver stopped near her and opened the door at her side and glanced at her measuring her body and warming him up. She knew his intentions and only wished he would quench his desires for her and leave Mili out. She pushed Mili up into the cabin and followed her after. She sat in the middle with Mili on her left side, away from the driver. The lorry took off as they settled down and she could hear two or more people screaming from behind.

At the break of the dawn when Banu opened her eyes, she saw Mili waving at people with the doll her in hand. She took the doll and threw it on the road and promised her that she would buy her a new one that is not dirty, torn, or maimed and mumbled to herself that the doll reminds her of her past.