A Page from her Diary

Mahathi, a fiercely independent 22-year-old woman, returned home after a long day's shift, her soul quietly heavy with unspoken thoughts. As the city lights flickered outside her window, she sat down, opened her Diary, and began to write—unraveling the day, one word at a time.  

"Hey Diary, 

My day was neither good nor bad. I don't know whether I'm happy or not, but I feel like I'm living in a space where I'm neither happy nor sad. It's not because of the work I'm doing; it's because of the people I'm surrounded by. I'm not saying they are bad or good, and I’m not judging them at all.

Today, as usual, I went to my desk, and one of my colleagues looked me up and down and said, "Why can’t you wear matching pants with the top you're wearing?" I thought, "Wait a second—does it really bother her what I'm wearing?" Is it mentioned anywhere in the company policy that we must wear perfectly matching pants with our tops? The only person who should care about my clothes is me, and no one else. If I’m comfortable, I can wear anything, and my clothes are perfectly professional.

I wanted to reply, "Yeah, next time I’ll wear clothes that match as perfectly as your brain and personality," but I took a deep breath, just smiled, and didn’t say a word. Honestly, I’m actually controlling my anger a lot when dealing with people like this.

And then there’s this other thing... every man—from my age to older—gives me creepy looks and holds long eye contact. It really sucks.

And sometimes... no, actually, every day, this one girl checks my logout time and asks me what I did yesterday. I just think, "Why is she so interested in me? Does she like me or dislike me?" And as usual, I reply with a smile, "That’s all."

Sometimes, I want to quit my job—not because of the work, but because of the people around me. Sometimes I just want to go somewhere peaceful, take a break, and meditate. But I can’t do that right now. So I’ll just ignore them. They’re like barking dogs—loud, but meaningless.

I went out for lunch with my teammates, and I wanted to eat something healthy like sprouts, yogurt, and a few South Indian dishes. And they were like, "Bruh, what are you eating?" I replied, "What’s wrong with this food?" They said, "You always eat only this." And I said, "Yes, because I like it. It’s my comfort food." Then they said, "Bro, you should try new things."

I was like, "Hold on—I have tried new things, but they weren’t as tasty as the food I like." I don’t like pizza or burgers much because they’re just not that good to me. Some people like those; I like this. Everyone has their own taste. That’s all.

And the most annoying thing happened at the mall. I went there to buy something. I picked up one item and went to the billing counter. The cashier said, "Ma'am, can you buy something else too? Our counter isn't accepting one-product bills." I said, "I’m only buying this because I only need this." Then two people came along and bought random items near the counter, and the cashier asked them, "Can we add her item to your bill?" They agreed.

Up to this point, it was fine. But I don't know what was wrong with the cashier—they gave me this weird, judgmental look just because I wasn’t buying more. Like seriously? They had a system issue, and I’m being made to feel embarrassed for being mindful with my money?

Is it wrong to buy only what I need? Is being responsible with money now considered a crime?

Sometimes my heart feels really heavy. Even though these things seem small, they pile up. I often wonder: is living with clarity and self-awareness in today’s world a blessing or a burden? Right now, everyone seems to be running in a race where other people are the target.

When I close my eyes, I feel like I’m standing in the middle of a racetrack, watching everyone else run. I understand they’re all running toward success, but what’s the point of success if you lose yourself in the process?

That’s all for today.
Good night, Diary."