A Matter Of Hearts

A Matter Of Hearts

21 mins
261


Raatri was born with two hearts. Raatri's mother, Shakuntala was very disheartened when she first came to know about this. 'An abnormal child’, she thought. But her attending Doctor counselled her,

“Nothing like that. It’s only an additional organ and it is inside her body. No one will see it”. He further said, “As a matter of fact, this is a unique case. Neither my colleagues nor I’ve come across any such case earlier in our careers. Perhaps, there’s no such case in the medical history either. But in our view, it won’t hinder the normal functioning of her body by any means. On the contrary, it may enhance her metabolism with better blood circulation and may prove to be a blessing in disguise. Since we don’t have an earlier case to fall back upon, we can’t be sure. Let’s monitor her health regularly and if at any time it is found that the additional organ is hindering the normal functioning of her body, it can be taken out by surgery. So don’t worry about that. Just forget that she has an additional organ and raise her as a normal child”.


As a unique case study, a team of Doctors periodically examined her and monitored her health for several years. They did not find any unusual change in her physical condition which could be attributed to the presence of the surplus organ in her body. Meanwhile, she was growing up physically and mentally, like any other girl of her age. When she was at twelve, the Doctors, after monitoring her health for all these years, came to the conclusion that the extra heart inside her body was neither doing any harm nor doing anything beneficial to her overall metabolism. During one of the check-up session, the Senior Doctor called Shakuntala in his chamber and told her,

“Look, your daughter is doing fine. Nothing to worry about her physical condition. As of now, the function of her extra heart is neutral in nature. It’s like the second kidney in one’s body. But since we’ve no previous case history of such a condition, we can never be sure whether it may cause changes in her physical or mental condition in future. A human body doesn’t require two hearts. To play safe, it’s better to remove the surplus organ through surgery. This is the right age for her to undergo the operation. The earlier you do it, the risk will be lesser and her body will be able to accept the changes quickly. For your daughter, this extra organ is unnecessary. But for a person who is suffering from damaged heart, this is a precious organ. By donating this organ, you can save the life of a child who is inevitably going to die otherwise. It’s now up to you to decide”.


Shakuntala was not willing to take any decision at that moment. She asked the Doctor,

“I want to know what could be the possible consequences if we let both the hearts to remain in the body”.

The Doctor said, “As I told you, we don’t know anything for certain. The additional heart may either bring her a better life or a worse life. The point is that why should one choose uncertainty over certainty. If you remove the extra heart, she lives a normal life like any other person. If you keep it, you take the risk of unknown consequences. About the possible consequences, we can only look at it logically and make our conjectures. The extra heart may increase the amount of blood flow and may generate more number of cells in the body – resulting in higher level of energy and increased athleticism in the body. This may also lead to a hyper active body and a high level of libido. With higher blood flow, the brain activity may increase. She may grow up faster than a normal child. Her physical and mental growth may accelerate. So on and so forth”.


Shakuntala somehow felt nothing alarming in what the Doctor said about the consequences. She said to the Doctor that she would think over it and would take a decision later in consultation with her relatives.


Shakuntala however, decided not to take any decision on the surgery all by herself. Although the Doctor said that the ideal age for undergoing such a surgery, was 12-13 years, she would rather wait for Raatri to come of age to take her own, conscious decision. After all, it’s her body. Moreover, Raatri was a normal, healthy child and no mother would like to see her child on a surgery table when there's no apparent illness or abnormality.

But somehow media came to know about her daughter’s condition and when it came to public knowledge, all sorts of people like relatives of heart patients, NGOs, representatives of medical foundations and even organ traders vied for each other as if an extra heart was on the table for bidding. Some people even didn’t hesitate to lure her with offers of huge sums of money in exchange of her daughter's additional heart.


Those initial days were very difficult for Shakuntala. She was all alone to fend off all those pleadings, proposals, allures and also to suffer the rebuffs and insinuations from those influential people who would not digest a ‘No’, specially from a middle class, widowed woman. But every time, she stood her ground firmly and resolutely. In her turbulent life, she had faced many adversities and hardships and those experiences had made her strong and capable of standing erect even in extremely difficult situations. But at times, she still missed her deceased husband who died just a few months before Raatri's birth. That tragic incident was as unexpected and sudden as a thunder from the blue sky.

Shakuntala's husband was employed in a Public Sector Undertaking and was on an official tour when he suddenly died of a heart attack in his sleep in the hotel room. Shakuntala was devastated and did not know how she would live her life alone without her husband. But constant reminder of her responsibilities towards her unborn child did not let her mind to sink even in the midst of extreme sorrows. Later when her husband's employer offered her a job in the company on compassionate ground, she found a ray of hope and prepared herself for coping with new struggles in her life.


‘What a long and cruel journey!'- she thought. Cruel for it had been a lonely journey. Sometimes she felt that she was left abandoned in a wild sea with her daughter in a dingy boat and someone was testing her resolve and commitment and watching her to see how astutely she was able to navigate in such a difficult situation to take her daughter to the safety of a shore.


Time rolled by and she kept cruising along, negotiating with a deft hand all the obstacles, adversities and hardships that came her way. The much-longed shore now appeared clear in sight. Raatri would be completing her graduation from St. Stephens soon. The final exam was round the corner. Raatri had already secured a very lucrative campus placement from a top notch company. She would be standing on her own feet soon and lead her own life. As the thought passed in her mind, she drew a deep sigh of relief.


But anxieties never leave with bag and baggage. They are more like a hydra headed animal. You get rid of one head – another one takes its place. What was bothering her presently, was the way Raatri’s personality was shaping up. Raatri was beautiful, very intelligent, brilliant in academics, healthy and strong and always excelled in sport activities. Perhaps all those attributes were gifts from her extra heart. But Raatri seemed to be rather obsessed with herself. Observing her even with a mother's indulgence, Shakuntala could not escape the fact that Raatri was selfish in nature and lacked in compassion for others. On many occasions, she had observed that. But the one incident which disturbed her most, happened lately. 


On one morning when Raatri was getting ready for her college, she received a call from someone. Raatri's mother who was preparing her breakfast at that time, overheard a few words from the short conversation and she was somewhat rattled when she heard the word ‘dead’. As soon as the conversation ended, she came up to Raatri and asked her;

“Who is dead, Raatri? What were you talking about?”

“Mom, one of our classmates has met with an accident today morning and he has died in the hospital. So there will not be any classes today. Everyone is going to the hospital and she asked me to come there. But I said my Mom is sick and I cannot leave her alone today.”

-“But that’s not true! Why aren’t you going? You should go and pay your condolences like everyone else. Why find false excuses? By the way, who is the boy? Have I seen him ever?”

“It's Rohit, mom” -she said in a matter-of-fact tone.


Raatri's mother was taken aback. She was blank and speechless for the next few moments. She felt very sad, not only for the death of a familiar young boy but also for Raatri's insensitive behaviour, her complete lack of feelings and compassion, even towards a fellow classmate of long association. By then, Raatri rang someone on her mobile and moving away to the balcony, engaged herself in conversation on the phone.


Raatri knew Rohit from her schooldays. They were studying together for the last six years, earlier in school and then in the same college. Rohit had come to their house several times though not very often. Raatri's mother knew him well and she even had pondered with the idea of proposing a marital alliance for Raatri with him at some point of time in the future, if of course, things did turn up in that direction. Now suddenly, he was no more. It was hard to believe. Raatri's mother felt a burst of emotions as memories of Rohit came rushing to her mind. As she stood there with a sense of grief, in the distance she could hear the giggles and occasional bursts of laughter during the animated conversation Raatri was having with someone about whom her mother had no idea.


After finishing her talk on mobile, Raatri asked her mother to serve her breakfast quickly as she said, she would have to go out.

“Are you going to the hospital?” Shakuntala asked hopefully. “ I would also like to go with you. It’s so shocking and painful. We should pay our condolences to his bereaved parents.”


“No mom, I have just now fixed an appointment with my table tennis coach and I am going to practice with him. The tournament is starting next week. There are no classes today so I thought I better make use of it.”


Unable to bear her insensitive behaviour any more, Shakuntala said in an admonishing tone;

“Raatri, don’t you have any feelings in your heart? People feel sad for the death of even a stranger. Here the dead boy is your long-time friend. What are you becoming Raatri? How can one be so heartless?”


“A heartless creature, you mean to say! To the girl who's carrying in her chest, two hearts in tow!”, Raatri giggled and then said, “No Mom, Rohit was not a friend. He was just like anyone else to me. Lot of people die everyday. You don’t cry for each of them. And Mom, I feel what I feel, and I don’t feel what I don’t feel. I can’t fake emotions. I have many things to do. I can’t sit out the day shedding false tears. Can I have my breakfast now? I have to rush.”


That was true. Raatri was rather straightforward and unpretentious.

“But that’s no justification for being insensitive to others’ feelings.” – Her mother said while serving her breakfast. She still tried to persuade her and said,

“Look Raatri, to empathise with others’ pains and sorrows, to console and stand beside the bereaved and mourning in their hour of grief – these are societal norms. People expect these basic feelings from their fellow human beings. You better inculcate these feelings. You can’t remain aloof and self-centred in a society.”

Raatri chose not to stretch this argument any further. She quickly finished her breakfast and after collecting her kits, left home.


At times, Shakuntala felt that her daughter's high level of intelligence and rational way of thinking were probably inhibiting her emotional impulses to develop and blend into her personality. Naturally she attributed this to her daughter’s additional heart and blamed herself for not having gone with the Doctor’s advice. Sometimes, she had also discussed with Raatri about this. She just dismissed the idea by saying,

“It’s a god’s gift to me. Why should I throw it away? I'’m not going to donate it either. Someone else’s life is not my responsibility. Moreover, I don’t want any scar in my body.”


Raatri's mother had never been happy with her sports activities. Raatri won the State Table Tennis championship last year. She also played women’s cricket and was a member of the national women’s cricket team. Though she felt proud and happy for Raatri's achievements in sports, she had never been comfortable with her involvement in sport activities. She would not have allowed her to be so involved in sports, had it not been for the Doctor's advice to keep her engaged in physical activities so that the extra energy and vigour in her body find an easy outlet. Now with her daughter growing up day by day, she felt jittery all the time and remained mortally anxious about her activities, specially when Raatri had to stay away from home for days together, either for tournaments or for training camps. What the Doctor said once after checking her up for period pain at the initial stage of her puberty, still rang in her ears;

“Obviously we don’t have any recorded history of sexual orientation of a person with similar condition. But considering the increased blood supply in her system, she is likely to have a strong sexual desire and if unchecked, this may lead to an unhealthy obsession for sex which may turn into a disorder. Of course, at this stage, these are all presumptions. We are not sure how it will pan out in reality. Because It depends on various other factors as well. Education, upbringing, moral and ethical values, self respect, sense of responsibility, all these attributes may act as restraining factors. But the point is, you have to watch her closely. If you observe any indulgent or unusual behaviour towards her male friends, then come for a check up. We will check her hormone levels. But you must remain watchful till she attains the age of reason. She is a girl after all, it's easy for her to go wayward.”


Raatri's mother however, found her daughter rather disinterested in boys. To the best of her knowledge, Raatri did not have any boyfriend till then. She still spent most of her time in studies and then in sports. Yes, sports was a dark area which largely remained beyond her scanner. She however, drew comfort from the fact that the coaches, sport administrators with whom she travels were all older, uneducated and unattractive people who were most unlikely candidates to hold any romantic interest for a girl like Raatri. Yet she spent anxious, sleepless nights whenever Raatri stayed away from home, all the time praying to God to keep her daughter away from harm's way.


Every time Raatri came back home from a trip, she used to observe her every action, every movement. She watched her eyes, scrutinized her body, sometimes with or sometimes without excuses, and even smelled her body odours as if to find out the trace left by any hidden misadventure. On one such occasion, her actions caught Raatri's eyes.

-“What are you looking for, Mom?”

Taken aback for a moment, she replied;

-“Taking stock to see whether my daughter has returned in whole – to ensure there's no missing part – nothing left behind.”


Raatri's mother was so content and happy when Raatri produced another brilliant result in her final exam and to top it, her first job did not involve any relocation as she got her posting in Delhi. She was so happy to see her days of struggle coming to an end soon.

Soon their financial lot improved with Raatri's fat salary and many perks provided by her employer. Raatri now took good care of her mother. She often told her;

-“All these years you have sacrificed your life for me – my well being. Don’t bother for me anymore. I can look after myself now. You now live your own life. Tell me about all your unfulfilled wishes. I will be happy to fulfill your wishes as much as I can.”

Her mother knew that wishes are wishes only at the relevant time; once time passes - wishes die a normal death. But without any expression of regret in her tone, she said;

-“I had only one wish to see you establish in life, a dignified, respectable life. And that has been more than fulfilled. I don’t remember I had ever any other wishes. Now I have one more wish, that is to give my daughter’s hand in marriage to a gentle, handsome boy who will take good care of her for entire life and make her happy.”

-“Ohh Mom, that’s not going to happen anytime soon. So don’t talk about it.”


Life seemed to be cruising along a calm and peaceful course for mother and daughter in those days. Raatri’s mother no longer bothered about the Doctor’s apprehensions about the possible consequences over her daughter’s surplus organ. She began to believe that those were nothing but false alarms. She also noticed marked changes in Raatri's behaviours. Raatri now behaved like a very responsible and caring daughter. She frequently tried to make her mother happy.

One day, she brought home a painting and gave it to her mother. It was an oil painting with the title, ‘A mother and child.’ The painting depicted a small country house, having a roof made of sliced bamboo and straw and a big, old Neem tree standing grandly in the sprawling courtyard. The big and small branches, rising from the long, fat and round stem, split up and crisscrossed at places to form an almost circular canopy with thick foliage, over the courtyard. The entwined tentacles of roots at the bottom, smoothened by elements and passage of time, had formed a curved place which looked like a lap. There sat a little girl, bare-bodied, eyes wide opened, looking up at the sky through the canopy of branches and leaves. The morning sun piercing it’s rays through small spaces between the leaves, making thin lines of tender, sparkling light fragmented by the fluttering of leaves, fell on the cheeks of the little girl making them crimson red.

“ Beautiful” – said her mother, “ but there is only the child, where's the mother?”

Raatri hugging her mother from behind and putting her cheek on her mother's, said;

“Look at the tree, Mom, which has provided the little, vulnerable girl with a world of her own, sanitised and protected from sun and rains, so that the little one can play and grow as free as a butterfly, with eyes full of dreams to fly up in the sky. And for me Mom, this Tree is nothing but you.”


Happy days rolled past in quick succession. Raatri’s mother, relieved of her tensions and anxieties, started relishing her life as if with the abandonment of a person who has just returned home after accomplishing a long drawn, arduous mission. She would spend her days sometimes, reading her favourite books, sometimes, re-establishing the link with forgotten relatives and friends. In the evening, she would eagerly wait for Raatri to come home and once they started to talk, it would go on even long after dinner. Many a time, their chat would extend long into the midnight and while listening to her mother’s stories, Raatri would fall asleep and spend the night in her mother’s bed. Bonding between them grew day by day and they became so close as never before.


As always, happy days do not last forever. Around that time, Shakuntala's health was not keeping well. At first she ignored the symptoms and would not talk to Raatri about it. But as days passed by, the ailments started to occur in quick intervals. She realized that her health was failing. The mental resolve and survival instinct which saw her through all the trials and tribulations of life, now having gone, the strings inside her seemed to be loosening day by day and it made her an easy and docile prey to all the ailments. Initially it was bouts of dizziness, palpitations, reeling of head, shortness of breath etc. Later more serious symptoms began to appear. One day, alone at home, when she rose from her afternoon nap to go to the toilet, she felt a sudden rush of blood and breathlessness. Her head reeled and she lost consciousness. When she regained her senses after sometime, she realised she needed medical attention and could not hide this from Raatri any more. On receiving her mother's call, Raatri rushed home and took her to a hospital. The Doctor after examining her said;

“It appears that she has suffered a minor cardiac arrest. She needs to remain under observation now. You have to get her admitted in the hospital”.


A few days later and after all sorts of medical investigations, the Doctor diagnosed her medical condition as ‘arrhythmia’ and recommended for implanting an ICD (defibrillator) into her heart by open surgery.

As Raatri wanted her mother to recover and come back home soon, she agreed for the operation.

In a couple of days after the operation, her condition stabilised and she was released from the hospital.


Raatri felt relieved to take her back home. She recruited a maid servant to look after her mother all the time. As time passed by, Raatri’s mother slowly began to come back to her normal life. But unfortunately, a few months later, the ailments started to reappear again. Suspecting misdiagnosis by the earlier hospital, this time she decided to take her mother to one of Delhi’s leading cardiac surgeons who, after examining her, did not lose any time to get her admitted in the hospital considering the condition of her ailments. For the next few days, she was subjected to extensive medical examinations and investigations. The surgeon finally arrived at the conclusion that her mother’s condition was ‘cardiomyopathy'. Her heart muscles have degenerated possibly due to some infection in the heart. It is not possible to revive the heart muscles by medication. A replacement has to be found. He further said;

-“I can put her on the queue as a transplantation candidate. But at her condition, she doesn’t have much time. You have to find a donor as quickly as possible”.


Though Raatri felt agonised to hear this, she didn’t miss the silver lining. After all, the failing organ is the heart and fortunately, she had one in reserve. At first, she thought, before telling the Doctor about it, she should discuss this with her mother. But the next moment she realized the futility of such a discussion with her mother who, in any case, wouldn’t agree to let her do that. She decided to take the matter forward then and there. When she told about her twin heart condition, the Doctor expressed his surprise;

-“Is it so! A strange case!” He looked at her as if in disbelief for a moment and then collecting back his wit, said;-“But that’s good news. We should not lose time then. Come tomorrow morning with all your medical records. We need to examine that and if everything is okay, we can start the procedure.”


Next day after examining her medical records and seeing the scanned images, the surgeon was convinced about her twin heart condition and asked her to go through the various tests, scans and imaging as he listed those on a prescription paper. He also said that; -“it will take two days for all the test reports to come. Since you are the daughter of the patient, we don’t expect any compatibility issue. But nonetheless, we have to go through the rigours of all the required tests. Come after two days and if there is no issue otherwise, we can fix the date for surgery”.


Raatri decided to tell her mother about the surgery only after everything is in place. After undergoing all the tests, Raatri mentally started to prepare herself for the operation. On the appointed day, she reached the hospital a bit too early. She sat beside her mother's bed and wanted to talk to her to lessen the anxiety and nervousness which occupied her mind as she waited for the Doctor’s decision on the surgery. But the attending nurse would not let her mother speak. Her condition was deteriorating day by day. She looked pale and very weak. “Only a matter of week at best, Mom. You will come back hale and hearty” – she wanted to tell her.


At the appointed time, Raatri entered the surgeon’s consulting room. The surgeon looked serious. He took out a file and started by saying; “ – I have seen all your test reports …” 

Raatri asked impatiently;

-“Are they all okay”?

-“Umm, except one and that makes all the difference”.

This is definitely a prelude to the bad news, she thought and shrunk in her mind and silently waited for the final blow.

After a pause, the surgeon came straight to the point;

-“your organ cannot be harvested. I am putting your mother on the waiting list”. And then moving his fingers into the file of reports, he told;

-“you have tested HIV positive and organs of such a person cannot be transplanted … I’m extremely sorry”.


It was indeed a double blow. In a moment, her world was shattered. She was dumbfounded. Everything about her, had been blown up in bits and pieces. The surgeon was apologetically giving her advices on how to deal with the situation. But nothing entered into her ears - nothing mattered to her anymore. 


When she left the consulting room, she was a totally devastated person. The faces of the people she slept with, flashed in her mind one after another. Who might have infected her was then impossible to know. Also, It didn't matter anymore. She had no one but only herself to blame. All these years, she considered herself blessed with the gift of an additional heart and was proud to have it in her disposal - the godly power to save a human life, any time she chose.

But uncontrolled desire, lust within her, had reduced herself to this miserable, shameful existence, and in one grand sweep, it was now on the verge of taking away two human lives.

She no more had the courage to face her mother. The dark emotions of shame, guilt and despair took complete control of her. She cannot live this shameful existence anymore, she finally thought and decided to end her life. She roamed the streets aimlessly in that guilt-laden, self-condemning state of her mind. In the evening, she found herself back at home like a tossed up toy that glides for a while, goes nowhere and then inevitably lands back on the ground. In the darkness, she sat before the painting. A mother and child. The painting was not visible in the darkness except like a shadowy frame. She conjured up a tree in her mind, denuded of foliage, dry branches falling apart, it’s sap completely sucked off, withered and lonely. Mother!

“I’m sorry. I have failed you”- she cried aloud.

A long and painful night lay ahead. No one noticed when the clouds gathered. For it rained slowly and relentlessly throughout the night making a lingering, dolorous sound as if condoling the torments and agonies of a defeated and crushed soul.



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