Wanderer Of White Lines

I had penned these words in my notepad

After coming out from a therapy session

The doctor had told to me to write a letter 

But the words came out like a confession

You see when you're young, you'll meet people

Who will tell you this is the age to make mistakes

And you'll be stupid enough to believe'em

But not smart enough to realise what's at stake

I was young and dumb too

Punkface, pierced ears, gelled hair and fresh stubble

It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say

That I was a rebel looking for trouble

So when my friends were putting that powder on the table

Things had started going wrong but I couldn't catch a whiff of it

There's no harm in trying once they said

And I didn't think twice before taking a sniff of it

First time I did drugs, was to prove how cool I was

But I probably made a silly face when the bliss hit me 

I left as soon as I came to, without memories

But a bag of that white stuff still with me.

I'd heard my friends say this all the time

Take one hit and all your problems will be sorted out

The second time I did drugs, I tested them 

With my nose over streaks of white, I snorted loud

And in case you're wondering how come

I can still address those people as my friends

Try to understand the fact that before drugs, 

I was under human influence.

So until now, I had let curiosity get the better of me

But the third time was out of sheer desire

Now this was a new low for me, as this time

When I got high, I just wanted to get higher.

But multitudes of warnings that I'd ignored

All the consequences that I had overlooked

Came back to haunt me eventually

Beginning from the moment I got hooked.

It started with these little urges

Which soon turned into a massive craving

After every single time I gave in to that temptation

It dawned on me that I was beyond saving

I should've turned back then and there

Yet I chose to disregard all the bad signs

For I had sought solace in being a wanderer

Treading a path made of white lines

I used to smoke crack which, now that I think about it,

Is such a fitting name for something that completely

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breaks you

It makes you think you've reached an utopia but 

It's almost impossible to come back from where it takes you

By then, I had lost everyone close to me

But I couldn't have cared less about being a loner

What hurt me most was my neighbour telling his kids 

To stay away from the next door stoner

It's not like there weren't people who cared

But I believed their empathy was only a pretense

I couldn't tell if their intentions were real because

For me, reality wasn't making much sense

Life was getting so overwhelming that

It had become hard for me to stay sober

So one night, when I decided to take control 

I overdosed and that's it, it was all over

The memory of what happened next is blurry

I do remember when someone found me they were appalled

They had seen me choking and convulsing, 

And not too long after that, an ambulance was called

The doctors couldn't get in touch with my family

And the thought of dying all alone had scared me

I'd prayed to God to give me one more chance,

To make things right, maybe he listened and spared me

This is how my battle against addiction began

They called it a battle but I could never become a warrior

I have made an enemy out of myself 

Defeating whom makes me feel better but also sorrier

Everybody tells me I'll be okay, it'll be fine

I want them to stop as it just drives me mad

Because you can say what you don't mean from out there

But I still have to write what I feel in rehab

Sometimes I think about the past and question myself

Was it all my fault, did I really deserve this

I've realised trading the joys of life for

A few hours of ecstasy isn't worth it

I'd been scrutinised and let go, for my crime 

But I've confined myself in solitary, I'm serving my sentence

All I can do is write this confession, this letter

With no recipient, only words filled with repentance

And being alone just gives me more room for hope

Hope to be a part of this world again but not in a way the world defines

If I'll have nowhere to be, I'll have everywhere to go so,

So I'll still be a wanderer, not lost anymore behind the white lines