Stage Fright

The stars twinkled so bright

There is so much beauty ...beauty.. sky..

I knew the beast of self-doubt would attack me before you all

Make the memory of what I thought was the most beautiful poem disappear

The doctors and my peers around have told I am diagnosed with stage 4 stage Fright

And the tumor of self-doubt has already spread across my veins this year.

Last night, when I stood before the mirror to see how I looked when I performed

I fell to the floor

I fell to the floor - disappointed

My reflection wasn’t interesting enough

The shape that my face and my mouth formed, when I articulated words

Was a perfect paragon of what poverty of beauty, exactly looked like

My chirpy mouth... that consistently manufactures frivolous words

Also fell prey to my diseases of stage fright –

Foolishly, it confused itself with the molten wax

Froze the insides, killed words, and finally, suffered and paralyzed

My heart, no different that Julius Cesar's Brutus

Decided to drum itself heartlessly loud

Apparently, it was playing a background music to add effects to my defeat

It always does that - when I stand on the stage before strangers and crowd

It often arrange a theater of my thoughts and grief before the world

My head, forgets that it’s the head - It gives up too,

Complaints to me that it wants a new home to live in

So every time I am on the stage, it rebels

It goes empty

It goes paranoid and insane and void

It thinks the last person sitting there is laughing at way my voice my sound

And the person towards my left is no more around

So last night, when I looked into the mirror to see how I looked when I performed

I fell on the floor

I fell on the floor, disappointed.

So I penned down my words on the surface of a cake

And consumed it recklessly as if it were a cure to my inabilities and incompetency

The poetry now flows through my veins along with the disease of self-doubt

And I think I can finish presenting to you all the most beautiful I have ever written

Here I go

The stars twinkled so bright

There is so much beauty in the sky

And despite this room terribly twirling and my body’s uncontrollable trembling

I have partially won the war against the stage fright.