Mother

The voice that’s always yelling,

The person who never knows to speak softly,

My mother.

7 o’clock. Her loud voice penetrates like a reverberating drum into my head.

The mother who wakes me up for school.

The mother I shout back at for disturbing my sleep.

I never cared, I never asked how her day went.

I never appreciated

The food she cooked for me every day,

The neatly folded pile of clean laundry,

She washed the other day,

Or the noticeably sparkling, spotless house,

Which she cleans and polishes every day.

I never knew such minor things can make

Such a huge difference.

I only knew to complain

Why there were not enough side dishes?

Why she bothers me every day?

Why she asks me a lot of silly questions?

Can’t she see that I’m tired after school?

Thinking as if I have it worse than her,

The ignorant me who only knows nothing but to complain.

The person I yell at because she didn’t know

How to properly use her smartphone.

Even after I’ve taught her a hundred times,

My mother.

The person who never holds grudges in her heart,

The person who never breaks down,

The person who never shows her weakness,

always smiling, my mother.

Yet a thousand times, I slam the door at her face

When I’m in a bad mood.

Blaming her, asking why she had to meddle in my affairs.

Though I regret my actions and reflect on it later,

I could never bring this sinful mouth of mine,

To even utter a word of apology.

Promising, the next time, I’ll be a bit kinder,

I’ll treat her better.

Yet the words that come out of my mouth sound

Rude and bitter every time.

Because she is always nosy and bothersome,

Always caring for my wellbeing

Like I’m still a child. Annoying me…

Even when years pass like days and

Sunshine turns to snow,

My mother, who never changes

Still selfless and brave.

This foolish mother, I don’t deserve.

Always the first to wish me a happy birthday.

How many times have I wished her in return on her birthday?

This unfilial child does not even remember the date.

This mother I had always yelled at and blamed

In those bad, moody days

Is the mother who always supported me.

The only one who will fight against the world just to protect me.

And I am an ungrateful, worthless fool,

Undeserving of her love.

How did I not notice?

The strands of greyish-white hair stood out from the rest.

My mother, who had aged.

The wrinkles under her tired eyes, how long had it been there?

Her dainty hands appear to be hard and strong

Yet her feeble fingers get ever so slightly blistered

From all the scrubbing and cleaning.

Those worn out shabby clothes,

She still wore it from five years ago.

Did I ever buy her something? Anything?

How could I not notice?

The angelic smile that reached her eyes

When I tell her about my achievements.

I want to protect that smile. I want to tell her

She is the most beautiful woman on earth.

I know I’m going to regret

Not treating her better.

Once she’s gone, I know I won’t be able to take

Living this boring life without her around.

This undeniable truth. I know so well.

There are so many things I want to say and do

For this mother I never deserved.

For this mother, I can never measure up to

In a thousand lifetimes.

Yet I can’t help but turn a blind eye to it.