How I miss my mom

How I miss my mom

So yesterday was Mother's day and for many of us who no longer have our mothers it was a really hard day..

It doesn't matter how long ago she may have gone home, we are still in pain, we still cry and every mothers day without her is hell for us..

I am no different, my mom has been gone 10 years and I miss her dearly. So as I was sitting out in my beautiful backyard, my thoughts were on my mom.

I am saddened that yet another Mother's day is here and I don't have my mom to call, to send flowers to, or to tell her that I love her.

My mom was my best friend, we spoke everyday sometimes twice a day. When she finally moved here so that I could help her take care of my ailing dad, I was beyond thrilled, it was never a burden for me. She was my role model, my inspiration, my heart.

I learned so much from her... 

To give without expecting anything in return.

To be a true friend.

To reach out and help strangers.

It was from her that I learned to open my heart and my home to people who had no one. 

She taught me to work hard and take pride in the fact that a woman can do anything a man can do, if she sets her mind to it.

She worked alongside my father fixing up our broken down home every chance they got.

She worked as hard as any man I knew and she was proud of what she could do as was my father.

She showed me that family meant everything. She made sure I had everything I needed even if it meant that she had one dress for years and years, to her it didn't matter. 

She made sure we had dinner every night together, to sit down as a family so we could talk about our day. Since she worked nights and my dad worked days, this was the only time we got to spend as a family. And unless you got hit by a bus your ass had better be at that table at 6 pm.

She showed me it's not the quality of time you spend with a person but the  quantity of time. She worked 6 nights a week serving drunks at the local diner from 11 at night to 7 in the morning to provide, yet on her one day off she made sure it was spent with me. We would go shopping, see a movie, go have dinner and toasted pound cake with vanilla ice cream afterwards. These were our precious moments together to bond and nothing came before them.

She taught me compassion as I watched her take care of my grandmother and my father while they were sick and do it until they passed away without saying a word. She was an amazing mom but more than that, she was an amazing human being and I am so grateful to have had her as my mom. There are so many times I pick up the phone to tell her something or I'll even still say "I'll ask mom" and then it hits me she's not here anymore to do that and again my heart breaks. No matter how many years it's been since she's been gone, the pain will always be there from losing her.

So today my friends, the reason I am telling you all of this is that I hope it may be a lesson to you all. A lesson to teach you to pick up the phone, send flowers for no reason, send a card, an email or a text message telling your mom that you love her. Tell her how much you appreciated her and what she did for you. Mend broken fences because life is short and you just never know...when it will be too late. One of the things I remember is my mom's voice as she use to say all the time "Don't bring flowers to my grave, because I can't smell them when I'm dead" 

I always made sure she had flowers every Friday so that she could smell them while she was here. This is a lesson we all need to hear before it is too late.

God...how I miss you mom.