An Ode To Rape Survivors

I hear it over and over again,

Your cold words “do you remember that?” with a mischievous laugh.

At night when I am alone,

Feeling the scars and deep gashes engraved on my skin

In my dreams, your image of rough hands going down places

Which were never meant for you to visit.

Which felt like a prick and demented my comfort level with all males.

Waking up squealing “I do not want to live anymore” in the middle of the night.

M parents feel reckless and burn their eyes with continues crying

My dear mother blaming herself for not keeping me safe

My dear father feeling like a failed protector

And

My dearest brother feeling like an unworthy keeper

Dear me, who is howling uncontrollably

For I know the fault is of the obscene rapist and not of safe haven.

I step out and cringe and shrug,

The thousand life-threatening stares directs

Nobody actually cares and will make me a damsel in distress

“Listen to my side of the story”,” I am just like any other girl”

These thoughts want to get out through my speech but;

“You were enticing,” said community

“You were out of control,” said the newspapers

Trapped my heart with unbefitting shame

Blocked my mind with despise and disrespect for the society

And

Made my body a used dirty slate

I look up at the sky and the stars,

How they witnessed boldly what happened that night

“Acceptance” I call it, still making me a very part of the universe

I abase myself, with teary eyes with a stone cold heart;

Till a girl, whose innocence seems so ancient

Shows me her bruise on her inner thigh

Which is clearly a mark of scraped glass pieces, done so gratuitously.

She whispers “look behind, you are not alone”

If only I could undo my actions again,

I see a clique of half-naked small boys, married women, teenage girls

Unveiled, their dishonourable areas of bleeding incisions and slits

“The world cannot be so grim and traumatic” I screamed

We all felt like running back into our wombs and never come out

The small boy simply said “looks are deceivable”,” words are deceivable”

But;” a heart to heart conversation is never faulty.”

Purposes were clear but hopes were strained by society

Faces said, “should we swim or simply disappear?”