You Broke My Heart

I must have been nineteen when I finally could muster courage to wave at her. The girl in the balcony. She smiled and waved back. It took just a moment to raise my hand to wave at her. But, this moment came after more than three years of restless nights, every night I would decide that enough is enough, it is time to take the plunge. All my thoughts and courage would dissipate like morning dews after sunrise. But, finally my courage paid off. The moment she waved back at me, a gush of enthusiasm and strength flowed in my veins; I leapt over the wall fence and landed at her territory. Next I gripped the water pipe with my hands and even before she could believe her eyes, I was standing in front of her, in her balcony.

I could see the disbelief in her eyes transform into fear. Fear not from me but from someone, anyone who may find her with a boy who was far, far below her stature. She was flush, I was deprived. She had a privileged upbringing; I was brought up in destitute. She had caring and protective parents and I was an orphan. She was stunningly beautiful and I had the ugliness of inferiority. I took her hands; she jerked my hands and signaled with extreme urgency- to go. I left but not before making her promise to meet again, somewhere else. She agreed. In no time I was back at my post, the place where I would stand for a glimpse of her.

All miseries, pain, anger, humiliation and disappointments of my life had only one solution. She.

She was the reason and purpose of my life. The entire ugly and unjust life also appeared pleasant with her in my life. I was happy beyond measure. I felt like I had conquered the world. The feeling of loving someone is precious but getting love in return is inestimable. I was in cloud nine. I promised myself that very day to quit all illegal activities and would look for a descent job. I was determined to make a good living, a respectable one.

Next day when I was to signal her where to meet, she didn’t come to the balcony. I waited the whole day. I didn’t clean the cars; I didn’t go to meet my friend Vijay. I didn’t even listen to the calls of my Malik’s son Saheb. I did nothing in the eyes of others but I did what I could only do. Wait.

More days went by; she was not to be seen in the balcony. I was desperate now. I had to find out. How could she just not come to the balcony? And, after all these painful years, I had seen the best hope in life. How could it go wrong? I had to find out the reason.

Saheb had the answer to my question. “She has gone to London for further studies” he said casually.

I looked at him in disbelief. “She isn’t going to come for next few years. And what do you think, she will fall for a dumbo like you” he laughed out aloud. I was crestfallen. I was angry, disappointed, dejected and heart-broken.

I took long drags of marijuana stuffed cigarette that day. Next day, I was determined to play the game of drug-peddler in a smart way. I didn’t even look towards the balcony that day.