When fear rules your life

When fear rules your life

I remember back in the day when fear ruled my life. I was afraid of what people would say or think about me. I was afraid of gossip, and so I had to live a certain way. When I got married, I was afraid of going back home even though I already knew he wasn't the man for me. Fear and my ego stopped me and kept me stuck there.

Then, I was afraid of him taking my girls away, so I stayed in a verbally abusive marriage. I was afraid of what he thought about me, of what people would think if they knew how horrible he treated me. I was afraid of trying to make it on my own. How could I make it without him? Fear ruled my life and made me stuck in a hopeless spot.

I was afraid I wasn't smart enough, good enough, strong enough. I was afraid of change, and so I stayed in a miserable life that I couldn't stand because I let fear rule my life.

But here's the thing: when you're sick and tired of being sick and tired, when enough is enough, when it doesn't matter what happens because you cannot take it for one more second. You smack fear in the face, and you leap into the unknown, not worrying about what will happen next.

The day I laid on the floor and prayed for help because I couldn't do this one more day, the day I gave it over to God, the day I let go of fear, was the day my life changed forever. Yes, there have been so many changes in the last eight years, more changes than in the last 25 years, and yes, sometimes it is still scary.

But I have to tell you I am living my most authentic life. I am truly happy with myself and my life now, and I wouldn't change a thing.

I no longer worry about what others think; I only worry about what God thinks. I do my very best to try to be a good person, and that is enough. I've realized that no one pays my bills, so I don't care what you think. No one is going to the grave with me; this is my life, and I will live it on my terms, not yours.

I walked out of a marriage with no job. I started a new business from scratch, a business I knew nothing about. I rented an apartment with rent as high as my old mortgage, only having this new business that I didn't know would work or how I would pay all these bills.

I hadn't paid bills in years; I hadn't done my own taxes in years. I hadn't taken care of myself in 24 years; this was all new, and it was scary as hell! Yet I didn't fear rule my life; I learned to get past it.

In that first year I also changed jobs, as I had sold my newly built business.

I bought a new home (only God knows how I got qualified for it), and the day I closed on my new house, I quit a great paying job because I was so miserable there.

The boss was exactly like my ex, the type of person who always puts you down and finds fault in everything you do. No, I've been there before, and I now needed to be in an environment where I could be appreciated and be my authentic self. I had already been unhappy every day. I was not going back there and staying there because of fear.

See, never again, was I going to be stuck in a place of unhappiness just because it was scary? Even though there were more bills than money, even though I was remodeling a new home, even though I was starting up a new business again, add to that, and I was a single mom but even with all of that...I wasn't going to let fear stop me and let me tell you, this was all scary.

I wasn't going to let fear rule my life again; I wasn't going to be stuck. No matter what happens, I was going to continue to move forward. I was going to swallow my fear and live my best life.

Maybe it's because I have sick faith. How many times have I walked out on faith? It faith that started my business, faith that all my bills would be paid, faith about getting a new home, and all that was entailed in remodeling it. I had faith to start up a new business again, faith to buy a new home, and quit your job the next day with no backup plan, and you know what? God has gotten me through it all on my own and without fear.

So today, my friends, my advice to you is to take that leap of faith, do not let fear rule your life. Stop listening to that voice inside your head; it wants to keep you in that spot. People want to keep you where you're at; they are holding you back by putting that fear inside you. Break free and believe in yourself; it will be okay. I am living proof of what you can do when you're fearless. Be fearless! 

"Be the change you want to see."

@TreadmillTreats