What someone is going through

You never know what someone is going through 

I never forgot being shocked to hear of Robin Williams, Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spades death, thinking to myself why? They had money, fame and what seemed to be a perfect life. Why would they do that? What could have been so bad that you would do that? 

Especially for us that struggle everyday to pay the bills or just put food on the table, what can be worse than that? That's a real struggle but you're rich and famous. What could possibly be so bad?

We are all dealing with our own demons, our past mistakes we can't get past and our deep dark secrets that we can't get over. Maybe we have had so many hard times that we are tired of fighting. Tired of the constant let downs, of people leaving us, lying to us, and hurting us. Maybe we are lonely and think we will never find anyone, that all people are out for themselves and not looking for what we are.

There are so many reasons that bring people to that point that we never know or see from the outside. So many of us look way better than what we are going through. We hide behind laughter and fake smiles, we show the world what we want them to see. 

With social media being what it is today...FAKE… we all think everyone's life is perfect. And we feel like we will never have that perfect life, be that perfect, it makes us feel inadequate and that makes it worse.

I know for years I pretended to have a perfect family, to have this perfect life that I showed to the world when in actuality we were a dysfunctional mess and I cried every night in my bathtub with my wine and sleeping pills to stop the pain.

From the outside no one would have guessed that I was this hot mess because we won't show it. 

We are tough, we don't want to show any vulnerability that would make us look weak. So we pull up our big girl panties, we suck it up, put out the stiff upper lip and we pretend. Probably just like Robin, Anthony and Kate did and so many others whose name we don't know. 

We pretend we are OK, pretend we are not suffering, not fighting depression, not feeling worthless and lonely. We are faking it until we make it or die and for many dying seems to be a better way out. It's a shame that we can't be honest, that we are afraid to be truthful because we are so worried about what people will think. Maybe if more people came forward, if more people showed their hurt and pain, then others would feel okay to come forward as well.

The one thing I am in this blog is brutally honest, I speak on my depression, my bad picker for men, my skeletons I let out of my closet, including my drug addiction and fucked up past. I want others to see that it's okay to be honest, to be human because we are all human and we all go through these things even if no one is speaking on it, it still exists. 

If more of us talk about it, if more of us are truthful so many people wouldn't feel alone and ashamed.

So today my friends remember we all go through struggles, we all have battled with depression, addiction, bad pickers, or bad decisions because we are human and that's what happens while your here. If we start being real maybe others will follow suite and we can stop lying as a society about our perfect little bullshit lives.