Unrequited love

Sridhar settled himself in the couch next to the blaring TV and watched Yavanika pick the remote off the settee and turn off the TV. Immediately the room felt silent. Sridhar glanced outside the window at the tree branches covered with snow. Instinctively he shivered. He had decided to pay a visit to Yavanika almost on the spur of the moment. Two years back he was heads over heels in love with Yavanika who was content on keeping him friendzoned. He liked her company and most of all, he loved the way her mind functioned. She always seemed lost in her thoughts as if she were trying to solve some mysterious problem in her head. She never shared the details of her ruminations with him even though she loved to hang with him. Sridhar's friends used to taunt him for falling for a girl who had very few admirers. They were all trying to impress the beautiful girls and Sridhar spent all his time trying to befriend a girl who did not even apply her makeup properly. The friendship struck during college days was sustained through the first two years of his chaotic job. Yavanika's family did not allow her to work so she chose to live in the far flung cottage that was about 20 miles from Kufri in Himachal Pradesh. Yavanika had confessed to Sridhar that her decision to stay so far away from her family was not well received by her parents for there was bad blood between her father and her uncle but they gave in when they realized that they could stay in touch with her all the time thanks to modern technology. Her uncle's family lived in a spacious bungalow some five miles from the cottage and they forced her to visit them every week to check on her and to replenish her food supply.

When Sridhar decided to take leave off from his work, he needed a place far away from the crowds and the constant noise in Mumbai that had begun to bother him and he thought of the nice, cosy cottage where Yavanika lived. When he asked her if he could drop by, Yavanika had agreed too readily. It was the middle of December but the highways were clear of snow and he made his way to the desolate cottage before it got really dark. Yavanika was awaiting his arrival. Sridhar had fantasized that the moment he would meet Yavanika, he would hug her and plant a kiss but when he actually met Yavanika he was shocked by the sight of her sickly face. She looked gaunt and she had lost weight and it made her look really thin and emaciated. Her dress fell loosely over her for she was still wearing the clothes that no longer fit her properly. 

Over their meagre dinner, Yavanika asked him many questions about his life in Mumbai and the kind of work he did. Sridhar cracked some jokes but he could not make Yavanika laugh. Eventually Sridhar asked her what was bothering her. She suddenly got very distressed and it alarmed Sridhar very much. In his many interactions with her, he had never seen her break down. She waved off Sridhar's attempt to reach out to her and asked him to take the couch as she wanted to share something with him. Accordingly they moved to the living room and made themselves comfortable.

Sridhar looked at Yavanika's slouched figure and felt a pang of hurt and disappointment sear his heart. He should have been here with her. He should have contacted her earlier. The gloomy silence in the room weighed down on them. After some moments, Yavanika began to speak.

"I have not slept properly for a long time now. I have resorted to taking quick naps through the day but it is not enough. I have even tried to change my routine to work through the night and to sleep through the day but all my efforts towards that stupid goal have failed too. I can only sleep for about 20 minutes at one stretch and the constant fatigue has become a part of me now. Now, don't smirk. I know you think that I am prone to exaggeration but I am merely stating the truth here. I feel tired all the time. It has fused with the darkness inside me and together they weaken me gradually from inside."

"Darkness!" Sridhar muttered. "I remember that you used to speak of the perennial darkness inside you."

"Oh! You remember!" Yavanika's lips stretched into a mirthless smile and for the first time in his life Sridhar was creeped out by his Yava who was no longer looking at him now. Her eyes were downcast and her demeanour forlorn.

"I did share with you my struggle with the darkness that lived inside me," she spoke softly. "I did mention that I was very scared of it, didn't I? I was scared that if I allowed it free reign, it would consume me and turn me into a monster."

"I could never understand your fear," Sridhar interrupted her. "I must admit that I could never feel any such darkness inside me though. I know that sometimes I get jealous and sometimes I get angry but everyone around me has some flaws in their character. You seemed too much invested in this so called darkness that you believed lived inside you and that was trying to consume you."

"I was considered a weird one," Yavanika said. "A weirdo! Sometimes if my roommates were kind, they would call me 'insane' and let me be but most of the times they were quite scathing in their verbal attack. I must say that I have been thinking a lot about my college days these days and most of my memories are quite painful and sad. But then I think about you and how kind you were to me, how accepting you were of my flaws and how safe I used to feel with you. That is why when you called me, I was about to invite you here but then you expressed the desire to come all the way here and I was thrilled."

Sridhar could not help but feel a throb of excitement. She had missed him. She used to think about him. She felt safe with him. He felt a rush of blood to his face and was glad to note that Yavanika's gaze had fallen back to her hands.

"I will tell you now about the struggle that I have been going through these days," she shuddered. "It is the same routine every single night. Or at least for the last 78 nights. Drink warm milk with a teaspoon of sugar. Brush my teeth. Make sure the curtains are closed all the way to the very end (no gaps, thank you!). Moisturise. My pillow fluffed just the right amount. Set a redundant alarm for 6am. Close my eyes. Go to sleep. All for what? I open my eyes to see it is 3:13am, every single night!

Every night in that moment, all I hear is silence. The silence is so loud, I barely hear my pounding heart. An eerie feeling creeps over me as I see through the (now open) curtains, the ice glazes over the windows from the sudden cold. A smell wafts through. One that is so familiar. I know what it is, I have definitely smelt it before, yet I cannot name it. All these days, I have never been able to remember it. I have tried day after day, night after night, still zilch. What now....?"

Sridhar listened to her outpouring with a growing sense of alarm. It was a cry of help. She wanted him to help her but he had no soothing words to offer. For some reason, her account had moved him to despair. He wondered if it had something to do with the flat tone that she used to narrate her ordeal or if it was the sudden silence that enveloped them when she stopped speaking. The question of 'what now' hung in the air and felt so palpably real to Sridhar that had he wanted to, he could have reached out and touched the burning question. He waited for a moment to let Yavanika resume her account but she seemed spent and was once again lost in her ruminations.

"First thing that we need to do is to understand who pulls the curtains open," he sounded hesitant. He fully suspected that Yavanika was sleep walking but he didn't want to state the obvious. He did not want to antagonize her. He had to make her believe that he was on her side, that they were in this struggle together.

"I don't know," she shrugged helplessly. "You know, I even tried to set up a video camera to record the nightly activities in the room during the night but it would fail to record anything from 3 to 10 minutes past 3. During those 10 minutes something happens. I have no idea of what but it terrifies me."

Sridhar felt goosebumps on his body. What did she mean by the video recorder failing to record? What had he got himself involved in? He gulped once.

"And this video recorder works properly later on?"

"Of course! I have checked it seven times and finally I got rid of it."

"Did you set it up by yourself?"

Yavanika raised her eyes and met Sridhar's gaze.

"Oh! You think I did not set it up properly, don't you?"

Thus challenged, Sridhar winced. He did not have to reply though.

"You men are all quite alike. My cousin too did not really believe me when I told him that I am fully capable of setting it up."

"Your cousin?"

"Manav. He comes here sometimes to give me company and to do some chores around the house. He did inspect the setup and gave his thumbs up to me. As if I needed to get his confirmation to know that I had done it right. In any case, two nights ago, he spent the night here. He was on the couch over there. He told me he was going to be up all night to see who was bothering me but I found him sleeping like a log when I woke up at 3:13. Stupid oaf! I almost wanted to throw a glass of cold water on him to wake him up but I let him be. He slept right through it so he was of no help. In any case, he would be here tonight too."

"Tonight!"

Yavanika smiled at Sridhar's crestfallen face.

"Come on now! My family would never allow me to spend a night with a male friend all alone."

Sridhar's cheeks reddened.

Once again, silence descended in the room. Sridhar could not help but give a shiver.

"So what I think is," he spoke softly, "that the only palpable sensation that you derive from these nightmares is that of a peculiar smell that seems incredibly familiar to you, right?"

Yavanika nodded her head. "I have tried so hard to recall where I had smelt it previously but I simply can't remember."

"But it is familiar?"

"Very."

"What sort of smell is it? Feminine? Cologne? Sulphur? Flower?"

Yavanika opened her mouth and then closed it. Then she shook her head.

"I can't put it in words."

"Try. Do you think of flowers? Sewer? Fresh bread?"

"I can't! I can't!"

"Come on, Yava!" Sridhar coaxed her gently. "Close your eyes and think about it."

"But I get afraid the moment I think about it," she wringed her hands.

"But I am here and you said yourself that you feel safe when I am around. And it is only 11 PM. We have around four hours before you would smell it again and I might not be able to witness it."

Yavanika gulped but she scrunced her face and tried to recall the scent. A wave of fear and nausea swept over her body and she almost gave up but she then looked at Sridhar's concerned face and she decided to fight off the terror. She imagined herself to be back in the bed, the curtains now open, the window showing the clear view outside and then the memory of the smell came crawling back. It was faint initially and she almost ignored it but then it grew stronger and she was able to focus on it.

"Lavender!" She exclaimed. "But wait! Jasmine! Yes! Jasmine definitely. But wait! There is something more. What is it? I know it. I know it! Powder! It is the smell of talcum powder. I know it! Talcum powder! Someone used it at night before hitting the bed. Who was it? Was it mother? No! She never shared a room with me. Roopam? She was my roommate for almost two years. No! NO! She used something else. These are three different smells. One in the armpits, one on the neck and one on the back! Who was it?"

"Did that person come to visit you at night?"

Yavanika's eyes widened.

"Yes! YES! Oh my god! It is him! No! But it can't be! It can't be! He is dead. He is dead!"

Yavanika sprang to her feet in sheer terror.

"He is dead! I tell you, he is dead."

"Who is dead?" Sridhar was confused. "Who are we talking about?"

"Nalin!"

"Who is Nalin?"

Before Yavanika could answer, there was a sharp knock on the door. The sound started her and she scooted towards Sridhar and hid behind him. The person standing outside the door stomped his feet and knocked again.

"It could be your cousin!" Sridhar tried hard to not let his voice tremble but he failed badly at it.

"Of course!" Yavanika seemed ashamed of her display of fear and she went to the door to let in her cousin. 

Manav turned out to be a burly young man whose shoulders were almost as wide as his hips. He turned out to be a big fan of wrestling and all he talked about was how he was able to wrestle three men at the same time and how he was going to represent his college in the wrestling championship. His exuberance and his bellowing voice lifted Sridhar's mood. He had brought 'lassi' for them and was quite insistent on them consuming it. Yavanika took some sips but then hid the glass when she got an opportunity. She winked at poor Sridhar who had to drink the whole glass. By and by, it was time to hit the bed.

"I will be awake this time, I promise!" Manav assured his sister.

"Fat chance of that!" Yavanika countered him.

"Hey! Knock it off! I was all alone at that time and I got so bored that I fell asleep. But tonight we have Sridhar here. We are going to chat the whole night and catch the intruder. And once I catch him, I won't go easy on him. He will regret bothering you for a long time."

Sridhar did not have to think too hard to imagine the plight of anyone who would get the full brunt of Manav's thrashing.

"We don't want to kill him!" Sridhar said with a smile.

"Don't you worry about it!" Manav smiled back. "He won't die so easy! First he will have to crawl for months."

"Crawl?" Yavanika was confused.

"I will break his spinal cord, I swear!"

The casualness of the threat made Sridhar laugh. Manav joined in raucously. Yavanika merely shook her head and went back to fixing the beds for her two guests. Soon she retired to her room.

Sridhar and Manav checked the window and the curtains in her room. Then they went around the house and checked all the doors and windows. Then they went back to the living room and watched a WWE match on TV. Manav had brought beer cans with him and he shared them freely with Sridhar. Pretty soon, Sridhar got a buzz and his eyes began to get heavy. He was tired from all the travelling that he had done that day and the beer made him sleepier. He checked the time and he found that it was only 2 AM.

"We have to wait for only one hour," Manav cautioned Sridhar. "Then we can sleep for as long as we want to."

Sridhar agreed with him but the sleep was getting the better of him so he decided to walk around and stretch his limbs. That did not help at all. He finally splashed cold water on his face and felt a burning sensation in his eyes.

"Cold water won't help you," Manav's voice came from somewhere behind him. Sridhar gave a start for he had not heard Manav approach him at all. How could a wrestler like Manav walk without making any sound?

Manav gave him a disparaging smile and his eyes were contemptuous.

"Of all the people she could have asked for help, it had to be you."

"What does that mean?" Sridhar was now fully awake. He felt an imminent threat from Manav whose features had now rearranged to make him look very sinister and intimidating.

"How could a man like you help her?" Manav snarled. "I mean look at you. One whack from me would knock you out."

"But why would you whack me?" Sridhar found his tongue. "I am not your enemy. I am not the one who is harassing her."

"Harassing her?" Manav scoffed. "No one is harassing her."

Sridhar was infuriated at the casual manner by which Manav discarded Yavanika's pain.

"Can't you see that she is suffering?" His voice rose.

"Watch that tone, pretty boy!" 

Manav took a step towards Sridhar who instinctively took a step back. It made Manav titter.

"Where would you run, little piggy?" He mocked Sridhar. "Didn't you check yourself that all the doors and the windows are shut?"

Sridhar was alarmed at the sudden change in Manav's demeanour.

"Why do you want to hurt me? It is someone named Nalin who is harassing your sister."

The name Nalin made Manav tense. For a moment, Sridhar believed it genuinely that Manav was going to jump at him but then he smirked and his body relaxed.

"Oho! So she remembered him finally!"

"You know him? So why don't you stop him?"

"No one can stop him!"

The cryptic remark made Sridhar's head swim.

"Why?"

"Because he is dead! That's why!"

Sridhar had to take the support of the wall for he felt that his knees were going to cave in.

"Dead?"

"Of course! She killed him and now he has come to take his revenge!"

Sridhar collapsed on the floor and it made Manav laugh out loud.

"Whyat are you talking about?" Sridhar croaked.

"Nalin was my eldest brother. He was my role model. I looked upto him. I wanted to become like him. He was so young, so strong, so handsome. And he wanted to become a film star. He used to do modelling assignments and got to wear suits and boots and watches. And the girls! They piled on him. He could have chosen anyone but he liked them young. Do you get it? The moron could have anyone he would deign to look at and he was busy chasing school going girls in skirts. When I came to know about it, at first I was upset and quite angry with him but then Baba told me that Nalin could not help it. He was wired like that. He liked young girls and so we helped him in any way we could. Now my brother took fancy to little Yavanika here. He would visit her room at night but he could not bring himself to harm his little flower. She was quite scared of him and would always wake up when he would make his way to her room. One day she confided in her father and that was the day Nalin was exposed as a paedophile. He committed suicide and that was the end of it. Yavanika forgot all about him but I could never forget Nalin and I never forgave her for her role in driving my brother to suicide. But she went away and I let her be. I didn't want to rake up old wounds all the time but she then decided to return. Her presence here reopend the old wounds. You see, Nalin's ghost was not at rest. I know you city slicks scoff at the mention of ghosts but here we know that the ghosts reside with us. And those people who have had unnatural deaths will always turn into ghosts, waiting for the day of their reckoning. You see, you will also turn into a ghost for you will be murdered by me tonight. Then you will know first hand of how a human transforms into a ghost. But till then, just understand that the process is quite painful. Your memories will be stolen from you and your sense of identity will be lost gradually. Only for the duration of this night you will remember who you are but the advent of the morning will start the transformation. When Nalin died, he came to pay me a last visit. He was sad, of course, but he was angry too for he had not harmed Yavanika. He was ready to wait for her to grow up but she betrayed him. You see, she promised him that she would never tell anyone about his nightly visits but she went back on her word and spilled the beans to her father. It was that betrayal that angered Nalin. Of course, his ghost faded away but I remembered his words and I resonated with his anger. When Yavanika returned and decided to put up in this far away cottage, I got the idea to make Nalin haunt her once again. It is very difficult to lure a ghost back for it had lost all its memories but unrequited love is a powerful drive. Nalin came back to the scent of Yavanika who sensed him by the three smells he used to carry when alive and by which she remembered him."

"You don't seriously want me to believe that a ghost pulls the curtains and wakes her up every night?"

"Like I said, I don't give a rat's a** to what you think but that is exactly what is happening. She can't see Nalin's ghost standing beside her bed looking at her longingly but I can sense his helplessness. Tonight is a full moon's night. Tonight I will sacrifice her to condemn her to live as a ghost. Nalin would take her along with him and even though she would forget everything she would still be together with Nalin."

"What kind of nonsense is this? You don't really want to kill us both and get away with it?"

"Of course, I do!" Manav seemed shocked. "It is all planned. I will kill her when Nalin comes to greet her. Then I will kill you. Tomorrow morning I will tell everyone of how you tried to do some hanky panky with her and when you were not successful you killed her but I woke up from all the noise and then I killed you in a fit of anger. I must tell you that you would die in a lot of pain. After all, I have to stay true to my story of getting enraged and beating you to a pulp. First I will break your spine so that you would not be able to run away. Then I will stomp on your face and neck. Don't mind it, ok? Don't hate me! I don't want your ghost to haunt me even though it would be for only one night. It will be pretty upsetting to me and IF YOU DO THAT I WILL GET REALLY ANGRY ABOUT IT!"

He practically roared the last words and it belied his anger. Manav seemed to belong to that rare class of criminals who could work up a fury on demand. Sridhar expected Yavanika to step out of her room and he glanced towards the door but it stayed shut. Manav followed his gaze and a creepy smile danced on his lips.

"She won't wake up. I slipped in some knockout juice in her lassi and she won't be waking up anymore."

Sridhar looked around in desperation to find any weapon that would help him keep Manav at bay. His eyes fell on the poker that lay in the fireplace. He made a dash for it expecting Manav to give him a chase but Manav did not even move from his spot. Sridhar grabbed the poker and waved it once to deter Manav who could not help but guffaw.

"That won't help you, you stinking piece of rat!" He snarled as he approached Sridhar.

All Sridhar could do was to swing the poker at Manav as hard as he could but the wrester avoided the blow easily. Sridhar tried once again and once again he missed his enemy. Manav's build was heavy but he was quick on his toes. He approached Sridhar slowly keeping a sharp eye on the swinging poker. His face was now hard set and his breathing was laboured. All he could see was the shrinking figure of Sridhar and all he could think of was to kill his enemy brutally. Eventually he came quite close to Sridhar who swung the poker again at Manav's head. Sridhar was left stunned when his purported blow sailed harmlessly over Manav who crouched to avoid the blow. The next moment Manav's body crashed into Sridhar's frail body.

In one blow, Sridhar's breath was knocked out of his body. Manav grabbed Sridhar's right arm and twisted it so ferociously that the poker fell off from Sridhar's hand. Sridhar screamed loudly but Manav did not let go. He went on to grab Sridhar's throat in a vice like grip. For some moments Manav held Sridhar in that awkward position and then he pushed Sridhar back who toppled over and fell heavily on his back. He could feel blackness descend on him and he welcomed it. He wondered what would happen if he closed his eyes and fell asleep. Would he wake up when Manav would pummel him to his death? Would his death be gradual or sudden? Would he become a ghost? He heard a cracking sound but there was no corresponding pain in his body. He heard a thud but he still did not open his eyes.

"Are you going to lie there the whole night?"

Sridhar opened his eyes to see Yavanika standing near the crumpled body of Manav. He got up unsteadily on his feet.

"Sorry. I could not come earlier. If he would have seen me, we would have been done for. I had to wait for him to direct his full attention on you before I could sneak upon him and hit him on the back of his head."

Sridhar assured her that what she did was for the best and that he was not hurt badly.

"What do we do now?" He asked her.

"What else? He wanted me to give company to Nalin. Now it would be him who could stay with Nalin till eternity."

They dragged Manav out and let him rest against the wall. Yavanika was able to find the vial of knockout drugs in Manav's bag and with Sridhar's help she poured it all down Manav's throat who gave a jerk but then fell into a deep sleep.

"He will die due to the cold," she stated in a matter of fact voice.

Sridhar felt his bones getting chilled due to the cold breeze that had suddenly sprung up. 

"What will you tell the police? Or your family?"

"Well, I recorded Manav when he was ranting at you with his threat to sacrifice me and to pummel you to death. I will let Uncle hear it once and then he can decide if he wants to go to the police."

"But what if he hurts you!"

"He won't. You will take a copy of the tape and go to Shimla by the first bus that leaves Kufri. Wait for me there."

They went back inside the cottage but she was loathe to go back to her room. They stayed in the living room and waited for morning. Around 3 AM, they heard the rustling of the curtains as it was pulled open but they stayed put in the living room. Suddenly the cottage was full of the combined smell of lavender, jasmine and rose. Instead of making him feel good, Sridhar felt as if he wanted to puke. He reached out to Yavanika and held her close. The obnoxious smell got really powerful but then it began to subside and then just like that it was gone.

"He committed suicide at around 3 AM," Yavanika whispered as she held Sridhar close.

"He won't bother you anymore," Sridhar whispered in her ears.

She looked enquiringly in his eyes.

"He knows now that you are in love with me," he whispered. "He will go away now and will never bother you again."

Sridhar left for Shimla by the first bus and had to wait for Yavanika for two days. Manav's death made his family mad but when they heard the tape about his plans to murder two innocent people, they dropped the idea of revenge and let Yavanika leave unmolested. When Sridhar was finally reunited with Yavanika, the very first question that he asked was about Nalin's nightly visit.

Yavanika's smile lit up her face.

"It is gone. Just like you had predicted."

Sridhar looked at her cheerful face and was left all smitten again. A new journey was about to begin for him but he had her as his life companion and that was all he had ever wished for.