UNKNOWN LOVE

‘What do you think love is?’ asked Sam to Braham. They were both sitting on the terrace of the hospital. Sam was looking at the lights gleaming like stars, far ahead of them. Braham, on the other hand, was looking up at the dark sky. ‘Ummm, I think that its just a stupid emotion that human brain is unable to understand and express properly!’ said Braham. Sam kept quiet for a minute and said in a conversational tone ‘But what about the scientific explanations? I mean, you know what scientists say about love? They say that it’s a chemical reaction in our brain, it is a deep tender feeling of affection towards a person either romantically or sexually. It is, as you said, quite difficult to understand, in my opinion as well.’

Then, suddenly Barbra, the nurse in charge of the lung disease department came in and exploded like a bomb ‘You unruly kids, why on earth don’t you understand that the cold at this time of the night is the most harmful thing for you!’ They both got up, slowly went inside and down to their respective rooms bidding goodbye for that day. The next morning was sunny yet there was a lingering cold out in the corridors of the hospital, Sam video-called Braham while having breakfast in his room, ‘Bram, morning, dude, what’d you get for breakfast?’ said Sam. ‘Nothing that I like, obviously!’ said Braham, ‘Hey Sam, I have something special planned for you next week for your 19th birthday but don’t ask me what it is! All I can say is that it is definitely not something that you’d expect…’ and he gave Sam a hearty smile. Sam although excited had an unpleasant throb in his heart, he ignored it and returned a smile back. The day before Sam’s birthday arrived and they both chatted quite late that night until Barbara compelled them to go to bed. While leaving, Sam felt the same pain in his heart which he knew had nothing to do with his disease and as he looked at Braham’s face, before shutting the door of his room, he observed a serene look on his face, one that he had never seen before.

Sam could hear a faint chatter of voices outside his room, he looked at his phone and it was three in the morning. He slowly got up and went out of the room and saw Barbra standing right outside it with Dr. Julie, who was the in charge of Sam and Braham’s cases, Sam rubbed his eyes and saw clearly now that Barbra was in tears and Dr. Julie was comforting her. As they saw Sam, he asked sleepily, 'What's up Barb? Is everything okay?’. ‘I am so sorry Sam, we could not save him. His lungs gave up and by the time we went there it was too late!’ Barb said in one breath and broke down to her knees. Sam stood there for a while and then looked at the corridor and saw a body on a stretcher being pushed forward and as the stretcher approached him, he saw Braham’s face. Sam, for the first time realised what Barb had meant and the next moment, everything went black around him.

Sam opened his eyes and saw Barbra peering down on him. ‘Hey, how do you feel? Sam I know it’s not a birthday that you had imagined. But Bram has left you his birthday gift and if you feel fine, I would want you to see that’, saying this she went out of the room and came in after a minute or so with a laptop and switched on a video of Braham and went out. ‘Hello there Birthday boy! You must be in your bed having your breakfast right now and am probably outside the door of your room, striding the corridor fretfully. So, about this video, I know it seems quite odd but I hope that you remember asking me about love and about me telling you that it was just a stupid emotion and all that stuff. Well, today I want to tell you about what I actually think love is, I mean, my theory of love is that when you look at someone and you realise that that person doesn’t just want you to be perfect when you’re with them but want you to be yourself, is true love for me and honestly I felt that. I know that you must be laughing right now, listening to my stupid, dream-like theory.’ And Sam realised that in the midst of his deepest sorrow, he was actually smiling looking at the video. ‘Well, you know what, I felt that. I wanted to tell you this earlier but I was too scared, too scared to let you know that I felt that same feeling while being with not a girl but a guy, YOU.

Sam, I was too scared to come out as what I am and I don’t like that the default system of the society is that people like me, homosexual people, have to come out and not those who are heterosexual.’ He heaved a sigh and continued ‘Now, I will stop talking about this unfair stuff and get to the main point, which is, I love you Sam, and if you do the same please come outside cause I am most probably dead by now with trepidation.’, he gave a hearty laugh and the video paused. Sam did not know what he felt but he definitely felt a lump in his throat and his eyes burned, he felt hollow from inside. He got out of his bed and went out into the crowded corridor but Braham was not there or as Sam thought that maybe he was right there but Sam was incapable of seeing him and he realised that the love Braham had wanted him to feel and he too wanted to experience would remain unknown to him, forever.