The Unwanted Darkness

You heard that? The thumping of her heart? She could hear it, and she could also hear those footsteps, lurking around that staircase. “But everybody must be sleeping.“ the mind of a nine-year-old pondered. But then the thumping of her heart escalated, the footsteps became louder and the shadow appeared. The shadow was so pitch black, so black that it tainted her soul with its color for the rest of her life.

She couldn’t wrap her head around whatever was happening, but she was petrified. She wanted to rush to her room but she couldn’t, there was something holding her back, rather there was someone holding her back. Before the yells could break out of her, five callous fingers clamped her mouth, pushing back every cry that wanted to violently escape from her that night. The touch was familiar, the hands were familiar but then again, they were not familiar and that scared her even more.

She was scooped into someone’s arms, arms that she felt acquainted with at first but then not. She wanted to go back to the safety of her bedroom, her soft toys and her favorite teddy, she grappled to get out from whatever she was getting into, but all in vain. The movements were fast now, the shutting of the door, the turning of the knob, and the tossing of the bedsheets. Every sound made her heart thump more and more. Where was she? Whose room was this? Why was everything so dark? Only a while ago, she had gone downstairs to drink some water, to slake the thirst that awakened her from her sweet sleep and now she was here, in sheer darkness that frightened every fiber of her being.

“Shush!” the shadow whispered, but how could a shadow whisper? She wondered as the shush vibrated through her ears, sending shivers down her spine. She knew the voice was familiar, but then again it was not. She knew that shadow was of someone she was familiar with, but then she was not. She didn’t recognize the shadow when it pinned her down lower on the bed. She didn’t recognize the shadow when it started hurting her. She didn’t recognize the shadow when it snatched her innocence from her. And just like that everything was a blur, even the darkness was blurry to her now, she was crying way too badly to see anything. The only thing her heart and body felt was utter pain. A pain that was so profound, a pain that was now engraved into her soul forever. She was tired, her limbs felt debilitated, her eyes stung with tears, her throat burned from all the captivated cries and wails, her lids were heavy now and she let herself slip into the oblivion, into the painful yet once sweet sleep.

When the streak of sunlight shone on her in the morning, she found herself lying in the safety of her bed and teddy. Was that just a dream? Had I been dreaming? The questions swarmed in her little head, but the pain was still there, the moistness could be still felt on her pillow, the ache was still residing in her muscles, maybe she was just too little to acknowledge it, to acknowledge whatever had happened on that dark night, to acknowledge how she was robbed off her innocence so painfully, how her soul was filled with an unwanted darkness.

But you know it. You acknowledged it, didn’t you? Perhaps many such souls have acknowledged it, perhaps many such souls are still aching from the darkness, perhaps many are fighting through this darkness, and then there are those with no souls living so close with us only to fill us with unwelcome pain and darkness.