The Tortured Soul

I was never meant to be alive.

It's a fact, not some cold-hearted opinion that I stumbled across. I came to the conclusion that dying before you're meant to live must have an unfortunate fate if you break past it. After all, when the world has decided you are not meant to be, but you survive anyway, then the world is now adjusting to your presence. I was born close to midnight, on the thirteenth of November.

The year was 1892 and my birth alone made me trouble. My mother was told she would get possibly two days at the most with me; being born months in advance can do that.

It was that reason alone that my mother decided to avoid any chance of attachment to me, which she handled a little too well.

I might as well have been born dead. However, one day turned into a week and then that week transitioned into a month. Everyone continued to anticipate much untimely death, so the help mostly took care of me. In the end, it took nearly fourteen months for my mother to accept that I was in fact alive and well. I suppose that is better than nothing when you think about it.

My father on the other hand had little concern on the matter. He was just glad he wouldn't have to lose money on a funeral. Money meant a great deal to my father. I guess that's why he was so eager to take over the bank, once my grandfather

passed. He treated any other job as though it was beneath him. To him, money was the absolute key to happiness. If you have more money, you have more happiness. I believe that money was also the deciding factor regarding his marriage to my mother. The wedding was rushed, once she came of age. He treated her like an accessory for his arm, dazzling against him and meant to be seen, not heard. As far as I know, the upper class is meant to be that way. My mother fell victim to it as well. She'd do anything for him.

She mainly stays indoors at home, except when father needs us all for events and so forth. She admitted to me once that she had dreams of becoming a teacher, but that was out of the question, especially once she found herself married to a banker. She was always doing what was best for her father and their lifestyle. Anything to make them happier and life easier. I wasn't their only child, so if I were to die, they'd have a legacy to live on. There was Elijah, who was reaching twenty-four; then my younger sister, Rowena, who was twelve. They were all more accustomed to the rising expectations and needs to be, As far as I know, the upper class is meant to be that way.

I felt more like a black sheep among them all. They supplied lies to our society in order to create lives that impressed the fools that we associated with.

"Always be ahead of the others" my father used to tell Elijah and me, during our studies.

I'm almost eighteen now and I am fixing to embark on the courtship ritual. In other words, I was officially available for marriage and would soon be sold to the highest bidder. Typically this would happen to those who have been eighteen for some time, but it was insistent that I begin my lessons early,

so that I had a chance to find the best, before other girls my age. My mother had even purchased a new wardrobe, in order for me to appear at my best in the public. Not that I don't love my mother, but since she was so persistent in turning me into a miniature version of herself, I didn't quite enjoy her company of her. This was sad since she served the purpose of being a chaperone because an unmarried girl was never allowed out of the house alone, especially in mixed company.

"Just relax. " my mother said, impatiently, as she tightened the corset around me. Tonight was my first event as an eligible woman on the verge of marriage and that meant that my appearance was a must to be perfected.

"M-Mother, perhaps not too tight!" I pleaded, resting my right palm against my wardrobe, to keep myself from falling and potentially fainting.

"It is tight because women are weaker than men. These are medically and morally necessary for your reveal as a lady" she said, pulling tighter again, making me gasp loudly

She pulled again and finally tied it in place. "There, now for your dress." she said, opening my wardrobe, with enthusiasm "I had this made, just for this special occasion, and the colour is simply divine with your appearance," she said, gushing I'm glad at least someone was excited.

She held out a heavily layered and less than revealing periwinkle dress; smiling as though it were the best thing to grace

my presence.

"It's lovely, mother," I said, half-heartedly.

"Jasmine!" my mother called. "Get in here, right quick, I need assistance with Cordelia's gown." she continued, getting the help's attention. Jasmine quickly rushed in, not wanting to keep my mother waiting.

We all knew how her temper got when she had to wait on things. I held my arms up, as the dress was placed Over my pale body. I gasped once again.

No wonder she knotted up the corset so tightly. This dress was built for a girl that was only skin and bones. I held in my breath as the dress was

properly adjusted on me, feeling closed in.

"Well look at that," my mother said, awing

I forced a smile and turned, looking into the mirror. My dark brownish-red hair was messily hanging down. Light colours never complimented me well, but dark colours on a young lady who hasn't matured are strictly unsuitable.

Jasmine smiled at me, while I continued to look myself over.

"Jasmine, please do something with that hair of hers,"  my mother said, waving her

hand at jasmine, as she left the room. Jasmine guided me to the vanity seat and began to work on my hair.

"You do look beautiful, Miss Cordelia"

I lightly smiled "Thank you, Jasmine"

 As she styled my hair, I ran the rules

through my head, well the important rules I must not forget once reaching the banquet hall.

Intelligence is not encouraged; must not be around during impure conversations; never approach others of a higher rank, unless being introduced first; must never address a gentleman without an introduction.

There were plenty more, but those were the only ones that could truly stay in my head. What I didn't understand though, was why a woman is only ready for courtship after education but is then encouraged to show no intelligence. Why was it so important in the younger years, but immediately concealed once you look and can act like a woman?

I stood up and looked at my hair. It really did look beautiful, but not beautiful enough to land me an eligible man. I had such low expectations regarding this night and I knew that I had no say in who I was to be married off to, but I at least hoped that it would be a decent-minded man.

There was no way that I could handle being married to someone similar to my father. I walked down the stairs, into the parlour, where my parents stood, waiting. 

My siblings stood beside them, looking their best as well. My father turned and looked at me "You look presentable" he said, standing tall and serious, as he always did.

In the right lighting, he could appear as the scariest man in the world, just with how easily he could look down on you.

I nodded "Thank you, father"

My voice squeaked from nerves and it was almost as though I were trying to mimic a mouse. He turned away and looked at the window

"We should get going soon. We don't want to keep them all waiting"

By them, he means the men he'll be trying to sell me off to for compensation. My mother nods in agreement and we begin heading towards the door, with Rowena and I following behind Elijah. There were two carriages waiting for us all and my father held open the door to one, waiting for the females to enter, while he and Elijah discussed business in the one in front. My mother got in, then I, with my sister following

"Elijah and I will be ahead of you," my father said, leaving, with Elijah.

Is it wrong that I don't want to be like my mother? She's too dependent on my father and she's very stiff because of it, I believe. I do not want to be like her. The ride was quiet and seemed to drag on

for what seemed like eternity. My mother was sat up, looking straight ahead, showing no signs of a personality.

What was there for her to look at? She was far too used to this lifestyle and I was worried that I would be too eventually. Once arriving at the banquet hall, we were escorted in, with my father as the lead, taking charge as always and presenting more confidence than needed. I stopped at the stairs and looked at the people socializing among one another.

Older women did their best to be included in conversations, while those younger than sixty stood there as if they were statues meant for decoration among the men.

"Do not make a mess of this?"  my father said, grabbing my arm, before putting on a smile that has become nothing more than a lie to get attention.

I nodded and walked down the stairs, following behind my immediate family.

"Looks as though Cordelia has grown up to be a lovely young lady"

Lawrence, one of my father's co-workers said, nodding his head at me. I smiled nervously, hating the reaction older men have given me regarding how I have grown.

 "I'm sure my youngest son, Nathaniel would just love to become acquainted with

her" he continued.  My father cleared his throat, giving him a stern, unamused look.

"With a chaperone of course," Lawrence said, clearing his throat. Lawrence was much older than my father, but it amazed me to see the power he had Over someone so mature.

"Elijah, see that your sister is alright for the evening" my father demanded.

Elijah nodded "Yes, father"

Elijah and I walked towards who I assumed was Nathaniel.

Nathaniel Jackson was older than my brother and much taller too. He had light brown hair and hazel eyes to accompany

his natural look of mischief that was uninviting.

I did not like it.

"Nathaniel Jackson, I would like to introduce you to my sister, Cordelia Hughes" Elijah said, presenting me "Your father has

instructed a meeting between the two of you"

I did a small curtsy and he took my hand

"H-How do you do?" I said, barely saying it properly.

"It's lovely to meet you," he said, grinning down at me, looking me over as if he were deciding my worth. I lightly smiled, still unsure of him.

"I've been waiting for this opportunity to meet a young lady that looks the part of a structured wife" he said, as though he had

said that line thousands of times before.

"She is officially a lady on the marriage market now," Elijah said, selling me off.

"Well if it were allowed, Id love to spend a few moments with this young lady, but I wouldn't want to impose on such behavior," Nathaniel said, still keeping his eyes on me.

"I'm sure if you spoke to our father, he would allow a few moments, as long as it remains out in the open for him to watch," Elijah said, cutting me off with every chance he received. He looked at me "Wouldn't you enjoy that, Cordelia?

"I-It would be a great pleasure," I said, stumbling over my words.

"I'll have a word with him now," Nathaniel said, smiling at me, before walking away.

"Get a grip of your impression, Cordelia," Elijah said, aggressively.

A married couple walked past us, smiling and Elijah smiled back. However, as soon as they were gone his smile dropped.

"Father is expecting you to find someone of high calibre and will not tolerate if you go stumbling over your words as an

uneducated, low-class degenerate," he said, spitting his words at me. I froze at his words, never seeing him so insistent on something.

"Nathaniel Jackson is an excellent choice for a husband. He is wealthy, well educated and will take care of you. When he returns, I will leave you with him. You are to do what he says, no arguing and do not, at his status"  he continued, lecturing me as though he were now a father. Nathaniel returned, continuing to keep a smug look across his face.

"Mr Hughes has permitted me rights to spend time alone with your sister, as long as it remains in the public area and I behave to the best of my ability"

"I'll leave you to it then," Elijah said, smiling, before walking off and leaving me alone with Nathaniel.

"May 1?" he asked, extending his arm out, showing where to walk. I hesitated, but walked ahead, closer to the balcony, feeling my father's eyes on me.

"You are quite a beauty, are you aware of

that?" he asked.

"N-No, Mr Jackson," I said, stumbling again.

"Please, my dear, call me Nathaniel. I know it's informal, but I wouldn't want you to grow accustomed to calling me by such a formal greeting," he said, letting the words roll off his tongue again, all in a rehearsed manner.

Yes. Nathaniel" I muttered, feeling wrong as I said his name so casually.

"How old are you now?" he asked.

"Seventeen, Nathaniel" I answered.

"That's quite young for someone looking for marriage," he said, raising an eyebrow, looking for something that might be wrong with me.

"Well, Nathaniel, I finished my education early to meet my father's requirements for a healthy and well-respected life" I answered.

He nodded "Your father is a smart man. Women should be brought up earlier, like yourself. It leaves more time for women

to serve their duty of being a mother and wife."

"So you want to be a father?" I ask, knowing right away it's an idiotic question.

He nods "Yes, I want to leave a legacy for my children to follow, but they have to be brought up by a woman with good health"

I looked at him a little confused.

"By that I mean, so many women today are being corrupted and taken to be institutionalized. I wouldn't want my wife

to be someone that was previously in one of those buildings. I wouldn't want an offspring that could become a victim of

their mother's disabilities. I could never handle that type of bad branding. So, my wife must be levelheaded and not equipped

to fall under such negative influences to bring a horrid name to her family" he continued.

I nodded "I see."

"Which is why I was so intrigued in seeing you. You come from a well-rounded family.

Your father is a wealthy and intelligent man. He must have raised a daughter that could live up to my expectations" he said, smiling at me. 

"Well it's certainly an honour to be presented to someone of your status," I said, unsure of what to even say to all he explained. "And it's an honour to meet such a-" he stopped, searching for the correct words, I presume. "A unique beauty"

He flashed his smile once more and unlike most girls of my age, who would have swooned, I took a step back, feeling the rush of anxiousness rush over me.

"I'd like to meet with you more often. You might just be exactly what I'm looking for" he said, looking me over once more.

"P-Perhaps you could speak to my father about it. He decides on the decisions that might be in my best interests" I replied,

my hands shaking slightly.

"I'll do just that, Cordelia Hughes" he replied. I forced a small smile out and looked at him, hoping this would end quite soon.

"Shall I walk you back to your father?" he asked extending his hand to me.

"I'd greatly appreciate that Nathaniel," I said, taking his hand, as he led me back inside. My father noticed us as we returned and he nodded his head in approval. However, I wasn't quite sure if that nod was meant for Nathaniel or myself. It was as though I felt like an object purely meant for trading, to become better suited for the trading, to become better suited for the

vast amount of money to be placed on myself as a wife. If Nathaniel were serious on this business transaction, then negotiations would soon take place to secure this courtship- or that it was presumed to be.

Negotiations would of course also mean this generous dowry, being gracefully awarded from my side. We would disclose our fortunes, so the husband could prove his worth by keeping his wife on the same level of life she had grown accustomed to. While the wife quite often looked to improve her social standing and appearance. I was by no means expecting love out of a marriage, by my father's standards. This was merely a business deal. A bond may be developed, but love will most likely remain a question in my head left to remain unanswered for the years to come. My mother smiled at me her way of reminding me of my womanly duties that come with being the weaker sex against males. I remember once when I was possibly seven- no eight? Around that time, I had wanted to play outdoors, with Elijah and his other acquaintances. Of course, mother threw a fit and made me recite the rules she had to give to me in a book, on how to become a well-behaved woman of the ages. I've never been like the other girls. I'm not sure I wanted to be like them either.

"Nathaniel, do I suspect that there could be a courtship among us?" my mother asked, practically shaking with excitement.

Nathaniel smiled "Well if Cordelia will have me, I would be honoured to court her, eventually creating an engagement

that will make the people beam with excitement"

All I did was smile. I had nothing to say and I wasn't sure I was even supposed to speak. I knew then that this would become

official soon because my father had to grant permission. I could already see him grinning at the money this agreement

would make. 

"We'll see," my father said, playing coy.

Nathaniel smiled "Of course, sir"

I stood there, feeling overwhelmed by what was only a few moments of my evening

How could one decision become the be all to end all of my life as a child? How could I. deal with that? Nathaniel smiled once more, sending chills down my spine. Something was off about him, it didn't give me a good feeling.

It was the eve of mine and Nathaniel's engagement announcement. It took twelve days of courting for him to request my hand in marriage, from my father of course. I accepted that it was not an offer I could refuse.

Me being disowned would have been likely if I had denied it. It then took five more days to discuss the matter thoroughly, from finances to the actual marriage. There was even talk of children at one point, which Nathaniel wants immediately. Everything just didn't feel right, despite being a bride to be. I did not even get to discuss any of these topics, because it was a matter held between Lawrence Jackson, Nathaniel Jackson and my father. When father returned home, I had asked him what happened and he gave me small details, but then patted me on the shoulder, telling me that a majority of the things discussed did not involve me.

The entirety of that meeting was to discuss my marriage to Nathaniel, so how did it not involve me?

"IS everything alright, dear?" Nathaniel asked, wrapping an arm around my waist.

This type of behavior was suitable now since I was in fact his soon to be wife. I was his now.

"Yes, Nathaniel" I answered, feeling uneasy with this close contact.  He tightened his hold on me 

"Then smile, we're getting married for Christ sake" I nodded and tried to pull away, but he kept his grip on me, digging his finger tips in to me.

"Most girls your are would practically bow before me just to get in my good graces act the part" he said, quietly, while smiling at the guests as they walked by us.

I pulled away from him and walked towards alexander, who looked as though he were guarding the front door.

"What are you doing?" he asked, moving in  front of me, so I couldn't further on.

"I-I just need fresh air, is all" I said, continuing to try and get past him.

He shook his head "A young girl, such as yourself is not permitted to be alone so close to the evening"

I sighed "Alexander, please" my eyes pleaded for him to not think as father, but as my brother. 

He frowned and grabbed my wrist, pulling me near the stairway, away from the guests. "Enough of this" he said, pressing me back against the banister. "This is your engagement announcement. Father is satisfied, mother is proud, and Rowena wants to be you. What is wrong with you?"

I pushed away from the banister, not even sure how to put it. I couldn't say what was truly on my mind, because it's dishonorable for a girl to act against her husband- soon to be husband, so what did I do? I decided to get smart, not thinking of the repercussions.

"Might it be that I'm a woman, the lesser of the two options that could have been thrusted upon me? I'm only a fragile girl, on the verge of woman hood and all you have to say is what is wrong with me? I thought someone of your higher class would understand the practices of a dainty child bearer."

"You inadequate little girl" he said, piercing his eyes through me "Do not for one moment think that just because you have finished your studies, before other girls of your age, that it makes you any higher on the status of man against woman. You're deranged. You are nowhere equal to men and must learn your place" he paused, looking me over "Before your husband shows you it" Alexander went to continue, but stopped, shaking his head at me. He left, after talking me down and reminding me that I am nothing more than a business trade between these people.

My place among them is purely for entertainment and providing the things expected from a woman of this time. I am nothing. My mother poked her head out from the parlor and spotted me, before rushing to me "Darling, there you are" she took my hand and then led me back into the parlor, where I was to continue playing a role I was built to play since birth.

 "Nathaniel has been asking for you, he refuses to make the wedding announcement without you" she stops and looks at me "What were you doing alone?" 

"I-I was speaking with Alexander. He was congratulating me on the engagement” I  reply, it coming out easier than it was to think of.

She nods "Well there is an appropriate time for such conversation, now is not one of them"

I walked back towards Nathaniel, feeling smaller than I was before.

He smiled, opening his arms to me and I took my place next to him, doing what I've been taught to do.

"I hope you realize that once we are married, such childish acts should be terminated. I don't want to be made a fool for marrying someone who lives up to their age, rather than her education for being a woman" Nathaniel whispering against me felt as though I was just a game to him. I was just someone he would take to bed and make use for his name to live on, which is what I despised the most from these expectations.

I nod "Yes, Nathaniel. I understand and I will do no such thing to make you appear a fool to these highly respectable people" 

He smiled "Good, now let's announce the wedding"

We turned back to our families, waiting in anticipation for this announcement. Elijah and my father were standing by the entry, staring at me, just waiting for this deal to be done with. I was nothing more than a problem that they were more than eager to dispose onto someone else.

I would soon be Nathaniel's problem, but unlike my father and Alexander, he would take no hesitance in showing me where I stood among him.

"My bride and I" Nathaniel started, because my name should never be the started when it involves a man "Would like to announce that our wedding will be within this coming week" Nathaniel said, while I played the role of a blushing bride.

"You all will be the ones we  would expect to celebrate such an occasion with myself and my beautiful bride to be" Everyone smiled at us, falling victim to his act.

"She'll also make an even more beautiful mother, when the time comes"

I smiled and nodded, playing my part, so no questions would be asked. He leaned over and whispered in my ear "An obedient one at that, Cordelia"

I nervously nodded, wondering just how far being a wife meant to him People joined us, near the window, congratulating us on such a spectacular event. All I could do was smile and nod. I was scared of saying the wrong thing. making Nathaniel even more upset.

He smiled along with them, speaking. while I stayed quiet. I realized then that this is what would become of me, nothing more than an accessory to a man. I was here for looks and producing children. I truly was nothing to this man. 

 My father joined us and smiled "You will make a lovely bride"

I lightly smiled "Thank you, father"

"Nathaniel, I would like to discuss with you, before the evening is up on where you plan to live and how many children you truly are expecting from my daughter" He said, guiding Nathaniel over to the entrance, leaving me alone.

Hadn't they discussed that in enough detail already and why is now the time to bring it up? I wanted to leave, the pressure of all this is bound to corrupt me and make me more of a disappointment to this family than I've already shown.

I slipped into the kitchen, knowing there was a back door, leading outside. What would happen once I'm married to this man? If I wanted out, there is no possible way it could be done. The only acceptable reason for divorce was adultery and even then it was only a valid reason to men. Women could use adultery as an excuse to divorce her husband, but she was also to apply a reason to prove her husband was engaging in such acts. 

My mother once told me that getting married is a necessity of surviving. What. If I wanted to survive on my own or at least get married later in the future, not at such a young age. I carefully slid out the back door, creating no visible or auditory conflict as I made my way out.

The cool breeze felt nice against myself as I made my way back to the large tree, that I spent many days of my childhood reading under. I had to sneak most books, but once I had them I spent hours there, while my mother thought I was practicing my sewing. The sun was setting and I knew the troublesome people lurk from the dark, people I was taught at an early age not to associate myself with. I knew that no one would notice me gone for a few moments They were all caught up in talks of the wedding and children, things I wanted nothing to do with. Marrying Nathaniel didn't create a relationship with him, it was a trade. My father trades me for more money and more people to pass his well reputation to.

I leaned against the tree, welcoming the warmth and breeze. It was surprisingly warm for a late November evening, but I was not going to be complaining about such a simple act of nature, when there are bigger problems lurking inside the house. I looked over and saw a way out of the backyard. I could sneak out and enjoy some freedom for a change. I could see what it's like to be alone, without a chaperone breathing down my neck and going off about the proper ways for a woman to walk and behave while out in public.

I heard laughter from inside and knew that this was my chance. If anyone asks, I could just tell them I felt ill and needed to lie down and rest. Women could get away with such acts, true or not, because women were not made to go on such long periods of time to socialize and speak. I left, letting the gate slam behind me and I began to walk along the street, seeing people look at me as though I were mad or had lost what sanity I had intact with my femininity. As I continued walking, I noticed the sun was setting quite fast. I wasn't prepared for darkness to fall over me this quickly. I looked around, wishing I had brought something to keep me warm. Perhaps the warm breeze was short lived and I was now wishing it was back.

I entered a park and saw it was the park that was open to all classes. My mother had forbidden me from attending it, because not only should a girl not be running around, but she saw the open atmosphere of all ranks as a way to lower myself from where I should be, since I was not allowed to associate myself with someone that ranked lower than my status, unless they worked for the family. I leaned against a tree, resting my head against the bark. I heard laughter and voices, belonging to men, inching closer and closer as I stayed there.

"What do we have here?" a man asked, who looked as though he barely appeared in the upper class.

I tried leaving, but another man-a friend I'm guessing pushed me back, chuckling maliciously to himself. I tried again and looked at them.

"I've never seen a walker dressed so well, you must charge a lot" the older man said.

"I am by no means a walker. I'm insulted by such an accusation" I said, trying not to raise my voice.

The younger one chuckled again "She certainly doesn't speak like one"

"I-I have to go now. I have to get back to my fiancé" I said, trying to move past them.

I tried walking past them, but one of them grabbed my wrist and dug their nails into my skin, making me cry out.

"Let me go!" I yelled, speaking up for the first time, since I was a young child. Young child? I'm still practically a child. They pushed me back against the tree, making a rip appear in my dress. I pushed one of them away and hit the other, not even thinking, just acting. One of them let out a yelp and moved away. I saw a figure move in behind them and I  closed my eyes, knowing I now was done for. Screams were heard from the two men and it made me shake with fear. Why were they screaming? What was the figure?

"What are you?" one of them yelled, as something wet hit my dress and skin. I let out a scream, not knowing what it was.

"Run" a deep voice said, sending chills down my spine.

I opened my eyes and saw that the figure was gone, but the men were ripped apart, with horror across their faces, bleeding all Over the grass. I hesitated, but looked down and saw blood on my dress. I let out a scream into my hand and began to run, not caring that I was running out of breath, I needed to get out of here. I was gasping for air as I ran, feeling as Though my chest were about to explode from my heart beating horrifically fast.

"Faster. Faster. Faster!" the deep voice yelled, scaring me even more.

What was this thing? How did it do those god-awful acts to horrid men? I reached the gate that led to the backyard and almost collapsed against it, feeling my heart beat faster. I saw people muttering to themselves as they saw me, horrified by my appearance most likely. I tried opening the gate and let out a cry when I saw it was locked. "No!" I cried out.

They knew I was gone. I quickly looked behind me, feeling the presence of someone or something behind me, but there was nothing there.

"It's not real, it's not real" I said to myself, shaking.

I ran up to the front of the house, knocking quickly. I knew my fate was hanging by a string, but I needed to be inside. Something was out here and I didn't want it getting me, like it got those men. I heard footsteps rushing to the door. I hope it's mother, no one else. The door opened and Elijah stood in the doorway, looking livid, not taking in my appearance, as he grabbed me.

"Where have you been, it's after sunset!" he yelled, making me jump.

I pushed past him and slammed the door

"Something is out there!" I ran into the parlor and saw Nathaniel was still here, standing there with mother, father and Maria.

"What happened to your dress?" my mother asked, appalled by the appearance of the dress, not my shocked state, not the dark marks those men left on me, not the horror I showed. She only noticed the dress. "It cost more than your coming out dress" she said, shaking her head.

"I-I was attacked by these men and then something attacked them" I said, taking gasps between each few words.

"You were attacked?" my father asked, jumping to his feet.

I nod and walked towards him, hoping he'd show affection and care, but he stopped me, grabbing me by the shoulders, almost shaking me as he spoke.

You were attacked in what sense of the word?" he asked.

What was happening? I was attacked and all he wants to know is how it happened

"They thought I was a high class walker” I mumbled "But that's not the point they"

Nathaniel scoffed, disgusted "I cannot be associated with a girl that is compared to a common street walker"

Father looked over at Nathaniel, before letting me go and following after him "We can work this out, Nathaniel. She can be sent away, for treatment and learn that sex is for childbearing, not pleasure. Women do not have any interests in sex" he said, defending this deal, rather than his daughter that could have been killed.

"Yes, we'll send her away. People can fix her" my mother said.

Nathaniel looked at me "She better get this situation treated, because to marry someone that can succumb to unnatural thoughts is no woman i wish to be acquainted with"

I stared at them, shocked by the discussion I was witnessing "I will not stand here and be talked of like a mentally ill woman on the break"

They all looked at me and my father walked up to me, staring at me, before deciding to slap me across the face "You will go to get help. You disobeyed my orders, when I told you not to leave the house alone, you then resulted to act and think of sexual thoughts that are uncommon for a woman! You have brought disgrace to this family and I will not stand to be made a fool of, by a daughter who was never mean to be born!"

I stood there, defeated.

"What about the wedding?" my mother asked, showing her true concern "What will people think?"

"The wedding will be postponed" Nathaniel said, then looked at me "If you are not fixed and made to be a proper wife, I will not hesitate in leaving you, so you can spend the remainder of your days as a spinster!"

I stood there silent.

"We will send her tomorrow, Nathaniel" Alexander said "This will be fixed and you will get the wife you bargained for"

"How dare you all" I said, trying to leave. I wanted to rid my body of the blood stained against my skin, but Alexander stopped me.

"You will be fixed for your problems. I guarantee it" he said, glaring down at me. I looked at them and knew I would get nowhere. How was it that becoming a victim to assault resulted in me being sent off to be dealt with for problems I did not fall ill to? They betrayed my trust. I was truly nothing to them and it stood out clear and tall that I was a problem that even Nathaniel could not fix.

Nathaniel looked at me, not bothering to hide his disgust "Get her away from me. I cannot look at what another man has touched in such a vulgar way."

My eyes widened as I stared at him in disbelief.

"Don't worry, Cordelia. Everything will be fixed, once you get treatment. We will tell everyone that you fell victim to an accident and were seeking help to treat wounds" My mother said, so casually.

I quickly left them and walked up the stairs, feeling lost and alone. How could a family do this to someone they called their daughter? How could someone do this to a victim? How could someone do this just because I was a woman and not man. How could they? I entered my room and looked in the mirror, seeing the full image. Blood was scattered all over me and I felt sick. I quickly ran into my washroom, wetting a cloth, viciously scrubbing the blood from my skin and panicking at the sight. "Just go away" I whimpered.

I heard a chuckle and turned around, shaking in fear, as the deep voice haunted my mind. "Im not ill" I said, repeating it over and over as I washed the blood away.