The Soul's Attire
The Soul's Attire8 mins 340 8 mins 340
"Amoda, I can't stay away from you. Ohhhh . . . why did you do this? You are necessary for me to live, and if you are not in my life, then accepting death is the right course. "
Anurag‘s mind brought such thoughts while walking. Anurag, who was always happy like the waves of the sea, was deep in his thoughts as the sea today. Nobody could see his turbulent mind. His eyes were slightly moist but the heartbeat was very intense. Words were not coming out of the throat. But so many thoughts were coming into his brain making it impossible for him to study every thought.
When one's own thoughts start causing disorder in the life of a human being, they can cause disease in the brain and slowly start distorting the psyche and in this despair, the person may do anything- he may be sick, turn suicidal and can also commit crime. This is but natural when one loses the mental balance.
Amoda and Anurag studied together from childhood . Amoda fascinated Anurag from day one. Anurag did not understand initially but gradually Amoda became an integral part of his life. Both their names in the attendance register were close together from school to college. By the time they became adult, Anurag had understood that Amoda was for his life. Anurag was a reticent and an introverted person but on the contrary, cheerful Amoda always used to laugh with everyone and make everyone laugh. Amoda considered Anurag's love also as a matter of happiness as he was like a best friend for her.
Today Amoda had told everyone about her betrothal with great joy and innocence. Anurag was shocked as the biggest happiness of his life was moving away from him with greater happiness and he was getting disappointed seeing her happiness. He came out of his college to the beach and the thoughts of merging with that sea started to appear in his mind spontaneously. He was thinking that if these waves could take him along with them then he has not to come back to earth. Thoughts of suicide had over powered his brain and he had decided now not to live any longer. In no case he will live because Amoda who was his life got separated now leaving no charm in his life. "Now death is the only reality for me. I don't have to live", he took the final decision.
Anurag found out a place where the tourists and others did not go because the place was considered unsafe as many accidents had already taken place there. Even today there was no one at that place. For a few moments, Anurag kept watching the ups and downs of the waves with moist eyes. He saw the image of Amoda in every wave and decided that he had to merge with Amoda. He has to be one with Amoda’s laughter as these waves were the replica of hers.
"Amoda I am coming, near you", Anurag said loudly. His voice was painful, showing clearly the deformity of his brain. He started walking towards the rock with big steps .
That rock was slippery, but his mind went on repeating the same words,"Amoda I am coming to you”. It was not correct to say that death was coming near him, but Anurag was going near death. He knew that after a few moments his soul would abandon his body- the soul which cannot dissolve in water, burn by fire,or cut by any weapon. But this body is going to be one with Amoda in the form of waves and remain merged with her forever. Amoda, this is the culmination of love to renounce one’s life.
Anurag was proceeding with these thoughts when a loud sound distracted him,"Wait, if you are going to die better give me something. "
He turned and saw a beggar-like man ,who had an over grown beard , a face weathered by time , with half the hairs grey ,wearing torn clothes, but with some sparkle in his eyes. He was standing below the rock . Anurag asked in harsh tone,"What do you want?"
The person's eyes got brightened and he said,"You are going to die, in a few moments and you will go near God. Instead of being a body you may turn into a soul. The soul is formless and immortal. Why should it need clothes?" Soul doesn’t need clothes. So you give me your clothes. Then you die as you like. Why should I bother?I shall not pray for your long life either.
On hearing such a thing from the mouth of a beggar- like person, Anurag became more serious and his face became a little stiff. He tried to say something but his voice was feeble,"Do you know the reason for my grief?" he asked.
That person said," When you are going to die there must be some grief- no grief bigger than that to make you unbearable, to take this decision. ”
Anurag said, “Yes! The girl whom I loved since my childhood is getting betrothed today to someone else. Now what should I do other than dying?"
The man said,"Don’t you have love for your parents? They love you so much from the moment you were born. "
Anurag said,"Yes, why not, but Amoda is my life. Please take my clothes. The soul does not need clothes. "
The man said,"It is not that the soul does not need clothes. The body is the attire of the soul. If you feel that by ending your body, you will forget Amoda, then you are making a mistake. Your soul will continue to wander, for its attire, because only with its attire it can express its feelings. Without attire, your soul will only suffer without expression. "
Anurag said,"But I have to meet Amoda, I see her in these waves”.
The man said,"If Amoda is seen by you in these waves, then after death, your lifeless body will get disintegrated in these waves. But the soul will come out of these waves. You will become a soul and then to meet Amoda you may be frustrated to get your attire. "
Anurag was a little surprised when he heard such words of wisdom from the mouth of a beggar. By now he had become a little restrained too. He asked softly,"How do you know all these things? Are you a monk?"
The man said," No, I am not a monk. I am asking for clothes, but I am not a beggar. I am a merchant of salt. I have salt mines. One day I went for a pilgrimage with my family to Tirupati Balaji. After being in Tirupati for a month when we were returning, some miscreants attacked us and took away my wife and two children to some unknown place”.
The man’s throat was choked, but he continued saying,"I loved those children as much ,from their birth, as you would have loved Amoda but they got separated from me. I became mad. The police investigated, engaged their spies, got recommendations from ministers and searched them everywhere, but nothing was found. With great difficulty when I reached home, I came to know that my cousin has now taken over my business and becoming its owner. He fraudulently took away everything from me, my mines, house, money and I was convinced that he only had planned the attack on us".
Pausing for a few moments, he again said,"I became helpless in every way. I have nothing with me now which I can claim as mine. I do not know where my family is. Whether they are alive or dead. I am not lucky like you. At least you know that your Amoda is happy on this earth and if you want you can give more happiness to her in some way. I don’t even know how to keep my family happy." He had tears in his eyes.
He started saying again,"But there is still hope that I will get back my family some day. I can get my happiness back after fighting a legal battle. " So I need some clothes to make it easier for me to find them.
Anurag was getting puzzled for the second time in a day. His earlier thoughts had got hidden somewhere and he was only hearing,"Your Amoda is happy on this earth and if you want, you can give her more happiness in some way or the other. ” “And how do I keep my family happy, I do not even know”.
Suddenly he realized that his soul had stood before him in his shape and said, “Anurag! Anurag means love and Amoda means bliss. Within love there is abundance of bliss. But within bliss there may not be abundance of love. Amoda is always within you. Whether you are within Amoda or not need not bother you. This is not a thing to worry about. Your body is my attire and I dwell inside you. I am not only dwelling inside you but also inside Amoda. I am not only the counterpart of you but also of Amoda. But to become counterparts of you both ,I need the body.
I am the form of love and bliss, yet I am invisible. Now seek Amoda in your self. Make your life blissful (Amodamaya)… Do it Anurag” Anuragh’s soul left saying this.
Anurag repeated these words within himself “Amoda, I cannot stay away from you. I totally forgot that you are always with me. If I share my love with the world I will get bliss spontaneously. I will get back my Amoda. My Amoda is not in the waves of the sea but in the glow of my eyes. The world is full of miseries. If I can help to reduce them, Amoda will be with me”.
Anurag caught hold of the hands of that person and moved forward with him -----in search of his family.
© Chandresh Chhatlani