The Secret Love

8:07 I opened up my phone and checked out my Instagram chat. There was no message of my secret love, I was disappointed. 

Before I tell you what has happened let me start from the begging.

Once I was in class 7th I saw her, a girl and from first sight, I wanted to make her one of my friends. From that day I just thought only and only about her, I didn't know what was I thinking for, why was I thinking for. The only thing that came to my mind was 'her'. I was so mad for her that I didn't know to whom am I talking or I don't just know anything. So I decided to just send her a message I ran to get my phone and just opened up my Instagram but there it was 8 am and it was the time for my online school so I just clicked the link with a swipe of sadness but on joining the class I wasn't sad anymore because there I got the chance to send a message and so I just sent her a message 'hi' and I waited for her reply and I was getting so curious that I didn't know what the teacher was telling, I didn't care what the others were doing the thing that I was waiting for came just now, her reply saying 'hi' and there cake a big smile on my face but it vanished in a minute because she only said 'hi' and it wasn't a big achievement I thought but then I remembered that I used to trouble her the last year and so I thought that I have made friends by troubling them so let's make one more and so I just messaged my friend to just trouble her and we started the game of trouble.

She replied to all our troubling and irritating messages and I just started to talk without hesitation and she too started to talk and at last, the lata year enemies become friends but I still felt sad because I can't tell her that I loved her but I didn't knew what is the truth that is done I love her or not, does she love me or not and at a point I felt wrong because I was a boy who just studied in 8th standard in an online class, beyond the pandemic situation, who just cared for a reply to his message and nothing else so I decided not to talk with her and just kill my feelings and I forced my brain to just forget everything and from that day I just talked to her like a friend a simple friend who didn't care if she felt the same which I felt a day or two days ago.

Then a month passed out, I cannot force her thoughts out of my brain but I didn't let my feelings out of my heart and I tried my best to just forget her but I can't. After talking to some of my friends who have tried at last to let out their feelings and their advice was "just let her know what you think about her and I said was it really worth but their answer was yes it is and they said one more thing that just says what you felt and doesn't care about her answer", and finally I typed in 'I like you' on the Instagram chat and just pressed the send button, I was feeling too embarrassed but I knew that in a corner of my heart there was a little place of happiness because I had finally let my feelings out, I turned off my phone and went to sleep, hoping that she would reply and it will be a positive one.

8:07 I opened up my phone and checked out my Instagram chat. There was no message of my secret love, I was disappointed, At night I thought that even though she never replies to that message but at least she will see what I felt but at the morning my hopes were cracked like a glass plate dropped on the ground there was no 'seen' written under the message, I felt to cry, cry and hide my head under the cushion and just cry, cry and cry but I was advised that what ever the result is just don't care about it just feel happy because you have at least let her know your feelings but then I felt like all those were just a piece of crap and I unseeded the message and I prayed that she would have never seen the message in the notifications, so to confirm that I just typed 'hi' and pressed send button on the online class chat and thought that if she wouldn't have seen the message she would reply. I waited and waited and finally my heart came into life she replied 'hi' and we started to talk as we did regularly I thought to tell that time but my brain was empty and I had been successful to remove her from my brain and all went happy and like it should be between friends.

One day we were talking upon a topic and she asked do you have a girlfriend or just like a crush and I wanted to say yes but I didn't say I said no of course not my friend sare all that I need and I asked what about you, hoping what If she is takes my name but she said ya I already had 6 breakups and I was like "what are you serious, I mean are you just kidding" and she said "yes of course I am telling the truth" and I said "ohh your life at last" and then I said "I said a lie" and she said "it's ok but you can say the truth now" and I said "I had a crush on a girl I mean I have a crush on a girl" and she said "hey if you want I can help you for choosing a girl or if you want the girl you like I can talk to her or just help you" and I thought in my mind 'how will you help because I like you though, and I laughed a bit and thought again the girl I like says that she will talk to to the girl I like and I was just feeling a bit of happy because it seemed to me as a joke.' Then her message came 'reply' and I said "yes, yes of course you can help" knowing that she can't help because nobody can just make themselves ready to date with someone they didn't like and not really because of just promising a stupid help.

The day ended and I was still thinking what if I haven't unseeded the message but I thought she was a girl who had broke up with 6 guys so why would she choose me and so I just diverted my mind towards something else and my secret love was still a secret, I thought until she says the same I will never expel my feelings to her.

To be continued.......