The Open Road

Dear Diary

June 15, 2013

The only thing Arjun loves as much as me are bikes. His passion to ride always instilled insecurity in me. Not that I do not take immense pleasure in making my friends jealous of his chivalry. Their lazy husbands cling to their beds and couches on regular Sundays, and my love takes to all these beautiful locations to share same some scenic serenity. The ecstasy of hitting the open road is impeccable. The sense of fearlessness while lying on his brown Levi's while he flies is addictive. Riding on his bike is more adventurous than making love to him, which I must say, is his another métier which he has mastered. 

A little rider jumps and kicks in my womb, and gives me another high. So as of today, I am at home while he in the holy Kedarnath. I just called him and he told that the weather their had been tricky. Rain is crazy and view is hazy. I did not tell him but I am very anxious. Maybe it is the baby that makes me nervous but my heart has never been so restless. I know he is safe in god's hands but still, my feet are trembling since morning. We could not talk much but I said 'I love you' and he said 'Not more than I love you'. Yes it is cheesy, but I love cheese. I was craving a pizza and now I am full.

I do not why but this is the first time I told him 'See you soon'. I just do not want to put words to my fear but this baby has put me in a tough spot. I feel inexplicably vulnerable and unsafe. I just had a fight with Arjun before he left. But I felt so guilty, and on the phone call I forgot to tell him I was sorry. He could get really annoyed if I said so, he loves me so much you see, and more than his bike. My mother-in-law was talking about how she wished lord Kedarnath to grant her a child. And tears fell off her eyes as she mentioned that god did listen to her prayers and after 16 years of childless marriage they got pregnant with Arjun. This prompted him to leave his pregnant wife alone so that he could go to pray for his child and wife. 

Only he can be this dramatic. My life had always been happy but only after meeting him I realized what real happiness is. I have had many boyfriends, I have been on the open road very often. He is not the first biker I rode with, but the way I got lost in his conversation was unprecedented. The day he took me to Jaipur for the sunset, I knew I would want to set the sun of my life in his arms. With him I felt free, loved and complete. Something I had never felt. His life was always on the go. My life was stuck in the CEO's chair. He was my sky, and ocean of possibilities and the horizon of hope. He is my love of life Afterall.

I feared the idea of having a baby. I never wanted to be a wife that is not independent and dies while feeding the entire family. With him I feel unbothered and stable like water. More than anything I want to say that I am the most annoying girl anyone could ask for, I am sorry for the things I say Arjun but I love you more than anything and i know you do too. I cannot wait for the day when we will become parents. I haven't told him yet that I am expecting twins. He would be so thrilled to know. 

Today I saw my babies moving. And they would be definitely be bikers I am sure. Oh! I already feel better, Thank you diary for being my amazing confidant.

ByeLove you

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'The Kedarnath tragedy has shook the nation, more than 4000 people have died due to the cloudburst and the sudden gushing water from the gorge. People are devastated and families are worried sick. This will go down to be the darkest day in our history. For more updates stay tuned to Daily Gazette, reporting from Kedarnath Nidhi Singh'

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