The Music Trigger by Mike

The Music Trigger

Music is a major trigger and headphones are syringes through which the poison is injected.

The moment "I'm coming home" by Skylar Grey starts, I see her.

She's wearing a white crop 

-top and loose pants like she used to wear at home with me.

I'm back to being a 19 year old and immediately she takes me in her arms and presses my eyes into her breasts stroking my hair and whispering "little brother you're safe now".

I hear her voice through Skylar's enchanting voice as the lyrics "I know my kingdom awaits and they've forgiven my mistakes" smoke into my year.

I'm in heaven. I can smell her, I feel her breasts on my cheeks, I can feel her hands on my head, I can feel the little kiss she plants on my forehead.

I know at this stage my serotonin levels are going through the roof and I'm smiling wide with tears flowing down my cheeks.

The other people running beside me at the lake don't notice a thing - I have my mask on and my black goggles to conceal my face.

I'm running faster and faster but before the song finishes, I reach my now chosen spot in between the trees at the end of the lake area.

Now I see the dreadful sight I see at the end of the all runs - my sister in my arms speaking the last words she spoke to me before leaving me to suffer in darkness -- "Just know that I love you little brother, I always have and I always will".

The serotonin has run dry but the tears are now breaking the helpless dams 

My face feels like I've just come out of a swimming pool at this stage and there's a lump the size of an apple stuck my throat blocking every breath that comes in through the mask - my body just doesn't want to live anymore!

Then I remember my daughter and wife who have no idea what daddies goes through during his evening runs. They don't need to know.

I put the next song "Memories" by Maroon 5 and restart the dream, now in a different place in a different setting, but the same expected ending!

Didi!